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unbelievable hubby

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  • unbelievable hubby

    I cannot believe some of the stuff my husband does. For instance, today when I watching a really big s.e.c football game he didn't like the fact I was watching it because I don't normally keep up with football, he thinks girls shouldn't like to watch it, and lastly I guess you can say he was jealous because he said me watching football is like him watching women's volley ball. I turned it off to make him happy. I tried to reason with him by saying that it was just a sport. Its not like I was wathcing men's modeling. Another unbelievable thing he did was a few months ago. He had bought me a 3 in 1 dvd. I got to pick it out. All 3 movies had black celebrities in it. He hated that. He wanted to know what it is that I have with black people since I chose that dvd. He is real biased. I tried to reason with him again by saying all that matters is that I am happy with my choice. I got rid of the dvd by giving it to a friend to make him happy. I am not very happy tonight because of what he was saying about the football. What's his deal?

  • How long have you been married? It seems this would have come out while you were dating.

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    • eight years

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      • Jealousy .

        Black men.
        Men playing football.


        Going back in the past there mam. Has anything else improved or is it really getting worse.

        Fear is a silly thing really it is, because the world is our oyster.
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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        • I would say things kind of gotten a little worse. He can sometimes be awfully cruel to me and call me cruel names.

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          • It's called abuse...plain and simple...

            Him calling you names and saying awful things to you is emotional abuse.

            What you do about it is up to you.

            One other thing that you said that concerns me..."it's gotten worse..."

            Red Flags are bouncing all around in my head...

            This needs to be addressed with the two of you and a professional - IMO - before it "gets worse..."

            I agree that a part of it is also jealousy (which means he is insecure in your relationship - IMO).

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            • I think about leaving him sometimes when I am upset, but for some reason I never get serious about it nor try to do something about it. I guess its because I am scared and desperate. Scared of having to find love again. I was bullied. I don't have many friends and when I was single I had practically no boyfriends before getting married. I had just one before him. He was trailor trash and he didn't exactly treat me very well either. While we were dating he would flirt with other girls and do other junk that would upset me and break my heart. I was always easy on him about these infractations, always would forgive him, and give him second chances because again I was desperate.

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              • Unbelievable hubby

                Originally posted by brunettebabe View Post
                I think about leaving him sometimes when I am upset, but for some reason I never get serious about it nor try to do something about it. I guess its because I am scared and desperate. Scared of having to find love again. I was bullied. I don't have many friends and when I was single I had practically no boyfriends before getting married. I had just one before him. He was trailor trash and he didn't exactly treat me very well either. While we were dating he would flirt with other girls and do other junk that would upset me and break my heart. I was always easy on him about these infractations, always would forgive him, and give him second chances because again I was desperate.
                Hi Brunettebabe,
                It would be advisable to get out of the situation, however an abuser makes you think you won't manage without them. You will, don't put up with him flirting with other women. He should be loyal and faithful to just you. Don't let him call you cruel names, it is emotional abuse if the person is with you in life situation. Does he control your money and abuse in other forms like forced intercourse when you don't wish too.
                You can only decide if you are unhappy yourself and want to actually leave.
                I would watch what I wanted, ignore him.
                Did it maybe matter if black actors or not, as did it really distract from the movie.
                Did he commence an argument so you felt responsible it is damaging to your health and wellbeing.
                Take care
                Kate

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                • Originally posted by brunettebabe View Post
                  I guess its because I am scared and desperate. Scared of having to find love again.
                  Shortly after I was born there was a song that was made that I grew up with, The Greatest Love of All. I despised it. One of the lines is "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." I found that to be the height of self-centeredness. I missed the point.

                  It was made by a lady about her struggle with breast cancer. It's about inner strength, dignity, and self-sufficiency. But it's not only about self. The writer felt that she needed those things to be able to do good to others, specifically children. I don't know if you have children or not, but I think it applies to everyone. Even the spiritual traditions, which are typically focused on God, gods, or the universe, recognize that the foundation of being a good neighbor, spouse, servant of God, etc. is appreciation of self. So the "Golden Rule" ("Do unto others as you would have them do unto you") implies that we should love ourselves and want good for ourselves and use that as the standard for how we treat others. It would follow that if you can't think well of yourself you can't be complete in your good treatment of others - your children, husband, neighbor, friends, anyone.

                  I still don't agree that it's the greatest love, but I certainly think loving yourself is a foundation. Check out that song. I like the original I grew up with by George Benson. The writer finally died from the breast cancer at a very young age in 1986 as the remake by Whitney Houston had become an international hit. Whether you check it out or not, love yourself. You don't need to "find love" if you do. The funny thing is that love of self will tend to command others to love you properly. Their loss if they don't.
                  "Those sowing seed with tears
                  Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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                  • Mayflower, my ex was the one who would flirt with other girls. Not my husband.

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                    • I have a few more questions.

                      Has he always been the jealous type? If not, what's changed
                      Has he put on a lot of weight since you've been dating?
                      Do you have any kids?

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                      • No kids and things weren't always like this. I would say its gotten worse.

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                        • Has he always been this controlling and opinionated? Is he always critical of the choices you make? Is he used to you making decisions that please him instead of yourself? It sounds like he is slowly but surely finding ways to lower your self-esteem and gain control over your choices because they are not the same decisions he would make. Don't allow someone to take away your ability to think for yourself or belittle you. You deserve to be happy, not controlled. He is nitpicking choices you make. A relationship doesn't mean that you are suppose to lose your identity and individuality. In healthy relationships, you share yourself with someone, not lose yourself.

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                          • Here is the whole story. On a scale from 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, I would rate my marriage about about 5. We don't have sex, he doesn't spend much time with me, he doesn't do anything for me, and as you already know he doesn't exactly treat me very well. He has schizophrenia, but does not take medicine for it. I believe he used to way before I came in his life, but he had put a stop to it for some reason. This is the reason why he can be awfully cruel to me sometimes and call me cruel names. He will call me the n word or b word because he will think I making faces or suggesting or implying things. Things have gotten worse because in the past he would not call me cruel names and we would have sex a lot more. We live more like room mates than husband and wife. He does not eat supper with me at the dinner table or sleep with me in the bed at night. He is kind o.c.d because of his schizophrenia. He doesn't want to eat with me because he doesn't want to sit at the table with his dirty work pants. He would prefer to eat in the basement. He would also prefer to be alone because he wants to savor the taste of the food. He doesn't sleep with me in the bed because he doesn't want me trying to mess with his penis. So he sleeps on a couch in the other bedroom. He lines it with towels because it belonged to his aunt and she smoked all her life and because of the cat. He would rather sleep on couch that smells of smoke and is dirty because of the cat than sleep with his loving wife on a fairly new, nice, big, comfortable, clean bed. He doesn't think anything is wrong with him or our marriage so I can't get him to a professional. He thinks our marriage is about an eight. I get sex only about once a month. When the one month is coming to end he will say we'll do it Monday, but by the time Monday comes around he will find some excuse to cancel and say we'll do it Tuesday. Tuesday comes around he'll cancel again. He'll cancel for about two weeks before he some action finally happens. He has a zillion excuses. Nothing stops me from wanting to make love to my beloved husband. He tries to make up for cancelling by buying me movies. There is always a list of movies. The list never ends. Right now I get seven. The reason he bought that 3 in 1 dvd was for the cancelling. He didn't like the fact that I chose a 3 in 1 that contained all black actors. I made him happy by getting rid of it. The story of my life.

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                            • This doesn't sound like a marriage, at least not a happy one. I'm not in your shoes, but I think rating it a 5 on a scale of 1 - 10 is being EXTREMELY generous. You have to access your situation and determine if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. If my husband preferred to eat without me, sleep alone, continually cancelled the once a month date for sex, and refused to seek help, I'd be re-evaluating the choice I made.

                              I realize that marriage vows are sacred, but living an unfulfilling life with a partner who continually belittled me is not a LOVING relationship.

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