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He calls me a fat hog in front of our children.

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  • Hi Cooks.
    You are mentally and emotionally being bashed and its not right not right at all. He may have had a hard life but that shouldnt become yours. There is always an answer, solution or way out of anything you just have to find that strength from somewere and you kids should be enough to tell you NO MORE. If it was me hed have a crock pot upside his head 1 for the disrespect, 2 for smashing your stuff up and 3 for not being a good husband but thats just me. Have you not got friends or family yo help you make a start for change because theres help out there you just have to make that choice and grap the help. You cannot make excuses for his behaviour Cooks, this is not how a husband should treat his wife. I hope you get up one day, look at him and it clicks that this isnt working for me or my kids. Yeah he may have money and control but thats not the be all and end all. Go and at least get.some advice on what your next steps could be and what helps available to you. All the best x


    • If you can, ask him to move out and live with his parents or somewhere. Do not divorce but lead a separate life first and see if there is a possibility for reconciliation. If not, its okay as you dont have to put up with his abuse.


      • Gaining weight is not failing to your duties as a wife. It is ridiculous to think that you owe him being slim. The more he treats you like that, the least interest you will have in being attractive to him. You are in a vicious circle, and it won't get any better until you use all your strength and take a desicion for you and your children. You have all your life ahead, choose to live it in peace and happiness. Money is not important, get help from a church or other npo, but don't stay. In a couple of years you will look back and shake your head thinking on how you put up with this!


        • I am so sorry to hear all of this Cooks... he is cruel and inconsiderate. Does he ever hit or hurt you physically? Either way, the verbal abuse is terrible, and I wish I knew what to say to help you. I don't care how much you weigh, you are not a "fat pig", you are a hard working mother of 4. That is NOT an easy job.

          I have read a lot lately about exercise therapy as a means of dealing with depression. I have been looking into it myself for my own depression. Exercise can help naturally improve your mental wellbeing. Do you have a workout routine? Maybe an evening jog? Maybe you could have a few nights a week where you hit the gym with girlfriends, a sister, etc. It will help you lose weight too, but most importantly will naturally improve your depression and help your self image. It's extremely hard to find motivation and confidence in a time like this, when someone it abusing you and making you feel worthless, and when you have nowhere to go. I can't even imagine how you feel with 4 kids to raise and no time to work. Hopefully someday soon when your kids are old enough, you can find work and start to gain independence from your awful husband.

          Originally posted by Cooks View Post
          I guess I'm a little confused maybe even guilty. He says I'm not a wife, that he desires me to be thin and I do not care to give that to him so I fail at my wifely duties. He says I should care to give him what he wants and because I don't I've in turn ruined our marriage. I guess in a way he is right, I know that doesn't deserve abuse but I have failed to be desirable to my husband. I'm just so confused.
          Don't believe what he says! He expects you to upholds your duties as a wife, but he offers you no support as a husband. He wants to make it sound like it is YOUR fault when he cheats on you. He is the one ruining the marriage, and he's just trying to redirect the blame at you. A husband who truly loves his wife will love her no matter how many pounds she puts on. Her body should not be the only thing that makes her desirable to her husband. He is shallow and selfish to the highest degree.

          I wish I could help you, but the best I can do is remind you that you are not the one to blame here. You are a victim of unfair and manipulative abuse. Please do not blame yourself!

          I wish you all the best.


          • cooks is there a support sytem you could get plugged into? Family, friends, a community center, local church? Even a web site? but i highly recommned people you can personally talk to.

            You choose what you believe about yourself. Don't believe your husband's lies about you. Everyone on this thread has said encouraging things about you, who are you going to believe? Your husband who has treated you badly? Or the people on this thread who haven't abused you?


            • cooks may i just say that in my opinion you are not depressed. You have simply ALLOWED this guy to use you as a doormat!!
              as someone with kids i would never allow myself to be treated with such disdain or contempt, as far as your fat ****** goes....its amazing to me that he has no problem impregnating your fat ******, he obviously enjoys it.

              as for his bi-polar, thats no excuse!! period!! thats why there is medication and a million shrinks out there....tell him to see one, get a prescription and get a grip on reality, because you dont have time to play games with him anymore, you got kids to look after, not his bi polar, wife beating ******. and i mean that!!! he needs to understand that you and your kids come first, not his nonsensicle drivel....

              also, i was depressed and found that the easiest and best way out was to find an outdoor activity (like golf, walking ect...) and get out there, there is NO excuse for ALLOWING this clown to trample you, do not allow it!! in his mind he is the boss of you, he thinks he can do whatever he wants and you will put up with it....WRONG! you need to remind him of your autonomy, you like a pet to him....

              also, why are you wasting your time with a wa#$er that just does as he pleases? like the affair he had or hooker or whatever! thats so gross man, in fact its deplorable and you still stay with him?? NO, lady. kick this idiot to the curb im sure you can do better than his manipulative ******.
              He has no respect for you at all. and dont cry about how miserable your life is, its all up to you how this pans out, take control, NOW!!
              SERIOUSLY....get up off your fatt ****** and do something about it, do it for your kids sake if you have to. one thing is for sure, you dont want your kids growing up in that enviroment.....good luck



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