[melissacampbell]

I have been married to my husband for 7 years, we have two children together and we are currently expecting our third child. Lately I have felt more aroused than usual, and my husbands sexual desires seemed to have lessened, which was never an issue during the past pregnancies. Recently I found porn videos on his cell phone, some with women masturbating, others of women on women. I'm confused because he has always talked down on lesbian sex, and I'm hurt because I don't exactly feel very attractive right now with my bulging belly and the women in the videos are physically fit and attractive. Mostly I'm hurt because i have to initiate sex, and its mostly one sided when we do. I have also expressed how porn makes me feel undesirable to him. I don't deny him sex and have always been open to trying new things even making our own videos

[Pollon]

Desires can change over time. Porn can certainly become a problem between couples but don't make if one before it is. Yes, you may feel unattractive while you're pregnant, but it is unreasonable for you to expect him to be attracted to you while you're pregnant if he isn't.

Have you tried to understand his perspective on this. Instead of approaching him aggressively as if he is "guilty" of something, consider asking him what he likes about the videos he's watching and how his tastes have changed. Consider how the two of you can mutually satisfy each other.

Guys can associate a lot of things (the burden of family, the danger to the pregnancy, your changing moods, etc) with pregnancy that make getting aroused more difficult.

Your feelings are all valid and need addressing, just don't forget that your husband has feelings and needs too that are equally as valid. Treat his with respect and concern and he will be more likely to treat yours the way you wish.

Good luck

[melissacampbell]

Thank-you. It's an difficult situation for me, I wrote him a letter indirectly letting him know how I feel but not exactly addressing the reason, assuming he would notice I erased all the videos from his phone. That was wrong, and obviously was not the right way to handle the situation. Three days after I poured my heart out he downloaded more videos. But I never sat down with him and asked how he felt. I guess I'm a little nervous and want to avoid an argument, but also I don't feel any better. Nothing was resolved.

[time2discover]

The best way, I think is to sit down and discuss it with him. Let him know it bothers you because you love him and it makes you insecure, not because you're judging him and most likely he'll open up. At the same time, think of how special and beautiful a pregnancy can be and you'll feel more secure.