[missinthelove]

Well he likes to watch porn. I don't have big issues with that but he has a video of one of his friends masturbating with a plastic coat hanger in the back of his truck. he took a video of her doing this way before I ever knew him. my question is, should I have a problem with this video? he hardly talks to her anymore but he still watches it. Im not 100% sure but I think he himself maturbates to the video.

[rcoreyus]

If he isn't in contact with here anymore and if you are OK with him watching porn, then I'd let it go. If you tell him to get rid of it, he might hide it and that is a bad direction for the relationship to go.

[Pollon]

Unless you are genuinely okay with him using porn and he knows you are, then his open use of porn is disrespectful to you. That he does so with a specific person who he is in contact with is doubly so.

Let's take it a step further. If she were sending him porn which he was using for sexual gratification, how would you feel about HIM? I suspect you would consider her to be rude for openly seducing your husband. However, would you not consider HIS actions to be unfaithful given that he knows this woman, as opposed to being some anonymous sexual object such as a porn actress?

If so, the fact that this is some old video which she probably doesn't know he still uses, doesn't change the fact that HE is having a sexual "relationship" with someone he personally knows. And doing so in front of your face.

I think that's disrespect.

[tartar sauceee]

It is disrespectful.

Get mad at him. Ask him what he thinks about when he is masturbating. If he actually had sex with her, and he is thinking about having sex with her while he is masturbating, that is not good.

[BabyGirl]

Get mad at him. Ask him what he thinks about when he is masturbating. If he actually had sex with her, and he is thinking about having sex with her while he is masturbating, that is not good.

I don't believe that this will do much good.

Simply, sit with him at the comp and ask him to Delete it. If he chooses not to delete it, then I would Question as to Why that particular Woman Masturbation is important to him, when there are Millions of Porn flicks you have no Issue with him watching ?

Are you really OK with him masturbating to Other Women ?
Would he be OK with you masturbating to a Video of you and an EX ?

This is where I would have a Very Deep Discussion ( not a Mad Fight ) just setting Boundaries with each other. This is what I can feel Comfortable with, what do you feel Comfortable with ( Sexual Behavior wise ).
It's all about Respect and Caring about each others feelings.

Make sure you are on the Same Page ..

[rcoreyus]

Sorry, but I still see this as a small issue that could be turned into a BIG issue. The issue of "control" is very important in a relationship - no one wants to feel that their partner is controlling them. You could make it an offer instead - offer to let him film a better video with you, while not insisting that he delete the old one.

Its clear he has an attachment to that video - probably a harmless one since he is not in contact with her anymore. I really don't think you want to turn this into a conflict.