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Am I a Jerk?

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  • Am I a Jerk?

    I think the answer is yes, because I don't care if it is.

    I'm a very easy-going man. I've never been attracted to really prissy, make-upy girly girls. Some guys need arm candy, I'm not one of them. My wife pretty much does what she wants as far as dress and grooming and I'm cool with it. She's not overly vain, so we get along fine. I actually like much of what she does.

    There is only one exception. I've got a thing about lips. I love them supple and am disgusted by them being crusty. They don't need to be painted or glossy, just not chapped. For years I've been asking my wife to stop biting her lips and to take care of them. It's literally the only single thing I ask. I don't trip out about her comfortable shoes or the fact that she's a meat-eater (which is disgusting, but I think people should eat what they want). So it burns me that she's completely unaware that her lips look like she's been stranded in the desert for days. Mine look fine and the only thing I do is put a little Shea butter on my face in the morning after I shower and shave. So it's not like I'm asking for something elaborate.

    She comes to sit down with me and spend time together, but all I can see is those lips. Now she's mad at me because I told her. I know it's insensitive. I just don't know what to do. She kissed me the last time we were intimate and they scraped me. That's ridiculous.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

  • Your not going to win on this. Maybe if you let your lips get rough she'll call a truce.

    I know how much fun it is kissing lips that are full and soft, so I know where you are coming from.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • I can't let my lips get like that. I sell. I have to look and feel a certain way about myself. She probably wouldn't care anyway.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

      Comment


      • Honestly, if all your asking for is the lips then that's not too bad. That's like the easiest thing to care for? I remember when I was little my mom always told me to stay away from women with thin lips. She said they would be bi_tchy (she used a different expression) lol. Maybe she was right. My brother married someone with VERY thin lips and he has someone who is very bi_tchy.

        I guess she never shared her advice with him.

        Edit: Stillness, it's pretty admirable that you're vegetarian. I am not, but my GF is. It's interesting for her because in her culture going vegetarian is sacrilege. She's actually just doing raw food right now.
        [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]

        Comment


        • Vegetarianism is easier for me. I don't think there's anything noble about it.
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment


          • Still, expressing your preference is not being a jerk at all. I am sure that you did it in a loving way rather than asking if she had been stranded in the desert for days. She should want to know if there is something she does that completely turns you off just as you would want to know the reverse.

            I agree with you on taking care of lips, but I'm a Bert's Bees addict (Hello Effy, welcome). It's a very small concession for someone you love. I hope, after getting over being mad, she does something about it.
            "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

            Comment


            • Yes you are a Jerk.

              Just kidding.

              It sounds like a habit and a long standing one at that, you can ask till the cows come home that won't work, just like you telling me not to smoke because you don't want to kiss a dirty ashtray, ewee just thinking about that poor D.

              You need to find the method in which to approach it, not tell someone off and tell them it's like sandpaper to kiss you, that's upsetting.

              It's a habit so how do you think you can help her kick it? Before she kicks you?
              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

              Comment


              • Am I a Jerk?

                Put some Chapstick on and give her a kiss. It will transfer to her lips. Do this as much as possible.

                And no, you are not a jerk. It's a very small request that involves her taking care of her own body.
                Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                Comment


                • I like the above. You would be kissing her more often and she would appreciate that. Very clever.
                  [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]

                  Comment


                  • Wow, sp! I wasn't expecting a possible solution that clever. I was mostly just venting.

                    I'm glad that women try to fix problems instead of just listening.
                    "Those sowing seed with tears
                    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Stillness View Post

                      I'm glad that women try to fix problems instead of just listening.
                      Best line of the day!!
                      "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                      Comment


                      • I have a thing with lips too. My own especially, but I couldn't stand shriveled up lips on anyone.
                        I doubt you were jerky about it. Is she dehydrated? It shouldn't take too much extra effort if she's healthy and hydrated.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                          I have a thing with lips too. My own especially, but I couldn't stand shriveled up lips on anyone.
                          I doubt you were jerky about it. Is she dehydrated? It shouldn't take too much extra effort if she's healthy and hydrated.
                          I'm pretty sure she was. That's actually what I said to her, that she looked like she might be dehydrated.
                          "Those sowing seed with tears
                          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                          Comment


                          • Still, I got the impression the dry, cracked lips problem is chronic or, at least, something that manifests regularly. If hydration is an issue, I'd expect to see other problems attendant with that condition, such as frequent constipation and other symptoms.

                            You mentioned lip biting. I used to do that sometimes in my youth. Kind of a nervous response to external events. Doing so would leave me in a condition of having, literally, multiple small wounds on my lips that would be in various states to trying to heal from time to time, with some small scab formation and roughness to go with it. Lip balm or drinking more water won't go a long way to remedy that. The underlying cause of the lip biting would need to be addressed. In my case, I had to control the urge to bite my own lips. It became a habit, even when the nervous-inducing stimuli is removed.
                            I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

                            Comment


                            • I just noticed I overlooked answering the question posed by Sir Stillness: Am I a jerk? After anxious consideration of that vexing question, I offer the following ditty in reply:

                              Whistle while you work
                              Stillness is no jerk
                              He likes soft lips
                              Shiny like rose hips
                              Hardly some strange quirk
                              I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

                              Comment

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