Hi. I've been married to my husband for almost 6 years. When we first got together we had long talks about everything. One thing that included was porn. I told him I have issues with it because, #1) It was a REAL problem in my pervious relationships. My first husband was almost not there when I was giving birth because he was off looking at porn instead of being with me. My last relationship was horrid and that man was a legit addict. He had mags stashed everywhere, tapes, was on the internet, would play with himself and not even clean up the mess. It was HORRIBLE. Anyway, my husband told me then, that porn wasn't something he was into and felt it was a form of cheating and he agreed that hed never look at it. He promised. He also promised open communication and never to lie to me ever.
Last year I found a few pics on his phone accidentally. We take family photos with his phone and I went in the gallery to look at them and there were crotch shots of other women. I was like yey so whats this about?? He said it wasn't him and BLAMED MY KIDS saying they used his phone and probably did it. Anyway it got dropped. So a few weeks ago I used his phone and saw some suspicious things. And I decided to go look. Saw he was searching names of people he'd "been" with and then up pops all these pic searches. (VERY specific searches) I showed it to him and he again said it wasn't him. No one uses his phone tho so I pointed that out and he still said he never did that. After some talking he finally admitted it was him all along (even when he blamed, yelled at and grounded my kids for it) He said hed ended up on some page on facebook by accident and got curious. Then he went back the very next day and searched it again and pages were removed so he started digging for stuff. Said he did it only in the early morning while drinking coffee. Then it was in the morning mostly but also sometimes in the afternoon / evening when I was in the next room. (hed go in the bathroom and look) He also admitted to me that when we first met my NOW REALLY good girlfriend, that he was attracted to her and that hed flirt and whatnot to see "if he still had it". That was all at the same time as this pic stuff. He said he did it literally every single day for 7 months until I caught him and that he stopped and hasn't done it since. I don't believe him tho because he lied to begin with. I no longer btrust im and that's hard cause hes the first person Ive ever really trusted. I feel not good enough, used, stupid, ugly....betrayed. I love him but I honestly don't know what to do. he still hasn't given me a reason, says he doesn't know. then it was curiosity over if there were new pics added. then it was visual stimulation but says he never used it to have sex with me and he never played with himself. I just don't know. I already had a low opinion of myself and this has destroyed me.
Last year I found a few pics on his phone accidentally. We take family photos with his phone and I went in the gallery to look at them and there were crotch shots of other women. I was like yey so whats this about?? He said it wasn't him and BLAMED MY KIDS saying they used his phone and probably did it. Anyway it got dropped. So a few weeks ago I used his phone and saw some suspicious things. And I decided to go look. Saw he was searching names of people he'd "been" with and then up pops all these pic searches. (VERY specific searches) I showed it to him and he again said it wasn't him. No one uses his phone tho so I pointed that out and he still said he never did that. After some talking he finally admitted it was him all along (even when he blamed, yelled at and grounded my kids for it) He said hed ended up on some page on facebook by accident and got curious. Then he went back the very next day and searched it again and pages were removed so he started digging for stuff. Said he did it only in the early morning while drinking coffee. Then it was in the morning mostly but also sometimes in the afternoon / evening when I was in the next room. (hed go in the bathroom and look) He also admitted to me that when we first met my NOW REALLY good girlfriend, that he was attracted to her and that hed flirt and whatnot to see "if he still had it". That was all at the same time as this pic stuff. He said he did it literally every single day for 7 months until I caught him and that he stopped and hasn't done it since. I don't believe him tho because he lied to begin with. I no longer btrust im and that's hard cause hes the first person Ive ever really trusted. I feel not good enough, used, stupid, ugly....betrayed. I love him but I honestly don't know what to do. he still hasn't given me a reason, says he doesn't know. then it was curiosity over if there were new pics added. then it was visual stimulation but says he never used it to have sex with me and he never played with himself. I just don't know. I already had a low opinion of myself and this has destroyed me.
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