[Magnetism]

The last partner that called me names got dumped. That's a deal breaker for a lot of people. I'm concerned about him not apologizing, and it happening again. The relationship will just deteriorate with resentment, if that keeps happening.

[Pollon]

He was 20 and you 29 when you started living together. He's dependent upon you for his housing and now he's "stuck" with you because of his child.

When his friends come around, he sees their "freedom" and the "fun" they are having and probably has some doubts about his decision.

Rather than pulling the "motherly" card on him and making him feel trapped and "controlled", which he already feels, with the lectures about apologies and respect, consider a little empathy.

From his point of view, he's "sacrificed" his twenties for you and the child. Presumably he believes he works hard and deserves to rest. So he's lying on the couch falling asleep and, rather than help him get some rest, you ungratefully disturb his sleep to warm your toes.

He was already feeling irritable and sorry for himself because of his friend's visit. So what you did pushed him over the edge. Sure is wasn't the most mature reaction, but you didn't choose a mature man, so you have to take some responsibility for the situation. Presumably he's taken on a lot of responsibility for a 22 year-old, so he's growing and not entirely self-centered. You're going to have to grant some grace while he is maturing.

You could say something like:

"...I've been thinking about the other night when we got into our fight and I realized that it is probably hard for you to watch your single friends running off and spend their twenties being carefree. And the way I treated you was disrespectful and condescending. I want you to know that I respect you for being the man of the family and taking responsibility for the care of me and our child. I know it's a lot to carry for a 22 year-old and I appreciate the man you are and sacrifices you are making..."

Being a strong team means recognizing each other's struggles and doing what you can to help the other overcome them. And often it means swallowing our pride and granting some undeserved grace. There are plenty of instances when we can righteously mount our high horse and claim the moral superiority, but that rarely draws us together.

I'd guess that when you GENUINELY humble yourself and apologize for your disrespect, he will probably do the same.

Good luck