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Advice Needed!!!

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  • Advice Needed!!!

    I am looking for some advice. My husband's father died 2 years ago and appointed my husband as his power-of-attorney. He is not and has not shared any information about his father's estate with me. I think he has money hidden but I am just not sure. He does have a younger sibling he shares information with, but everything is always hush hush. What should I do? As his wife shouldn't I come before the sibling? I am feeling very unwanted

  • It sounds like he doesn't trust you. Why doesn't he? Why are you concerned about the estate his father left to him? Are you struggling financially?

    I think you should come before anyone else as his wife.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Have you asked your husband?

      First, you husband was given power-of-attorney over the FIL's estate. That just means he can sign stuff and decide what to do with stuff. That doesn't mean he inherited anything. That would have come out 2 years ago. If your husband inherited anything, he would have had to declare it in your taxes. Have your seen your tax return statements.

      The estate really is your husband and your husband's sibling's business. Until and unless he inherits anything, does that becomes yours business.

      Why do you think your husband is hiding money? Is your marriage on the rocks? Have you talked to him about this?
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

      Comment


      • I too think you need to give us some more background. I know you are purely asking one question, should he share the information with his wife, on what occurred, is occurring and I would say yes.

        But, it sounds as if he and his sibling are doing things quietly which doesn't make me feel comfortable pertaining to your marriage .

        Are you happily married? Is he someone who usually doesn't converse things with you?
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • Originally posted by clmbac View Post
          I am looking for some advice. My husband's father died 2 years ago and appointed my husband as his power-of-attorney. He is not and has not shared any information about his father's estate with me. I think he has money hidden but I am just not sure. He does have a younger sibling he shares information with, but everything is always hush hush. What should I do? As his wife shouldn't I come before the sibling? I am feeling very unwanted

          Power of Attorney dies when the person dies. After death your husband likely became the person that deals with distribution of assets, payment of liabilities and acts as EXECUTOR.
          That which we forget may as well never really happened.

          Comment


          • Thanks, Claret, that is also my understanding of such a situation. One thing to note about inheritance even in community property states, inheritance is usually the individual property of the person whom it was given to. There is no obligation to share it.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • My marriage is not on the rocks and we don't have financial issues. He is a very strong personality and is a bit controlling. His father left him as the EXECUTOR in control of everything to do as he sees fit. I have discussed with him how this makes me feel. He doesn't open up about it, he just says theirs nothing to tell. I know he got his mother's retirement (she is deceased) and father's retirement. He shuts me out of all decisions and only discusses it with the sibling. If I ask for anything his reply is "we don't have the money". We have two small children and I think they should have a collage fund....but no he just hides everything!

              Comment


              • Lets look at this from an unbiased point of view. First - what is the financial situation with you and your husband? Are you involved in any of the decision making? Do you regularly talk about your (his and yours) retirement plans? Do you speak about educational requirements for your children? Do you have new cars, live in a purchased home, have debts etc?

                If you can answer all of the above then at least what you and he have is shared.

                Do you know for certain whether or not his father has any amount of money socked away, was he independently wealthy for instance? Otherwise, if he just had a retirement income and if his mother only had a retirement income from the government, - that may not be very much. If they had retirement income and the Mother passed away, her husband would only get a portion of what she got, as a widows allowance. When the Father passed away the government pension would simply stop, it is not passed along to sons or daughters unless they are minor children.

                If you feel that there was left a sizeable estate, then it would have to go through probate. This is where the government steps in, takes their percentage, ensures that all bills and liabilities are paid (via the executors) and then the balance can be dispensed to the heirs. If the person died with a will this is pretty straight forward. You can go to court and apply for a copy of the probate. This might cost you $50 or $100. You then would get a copy of the will and associated papers to the estate.

                Has your husband brother suddenly upped his lifestyle? If so he maybe is using proceeds from the estate and that would give you a clue as to what is happening. If he hasn't and his circumstances haven't changed, perhaps there really isn't any estate to think of and at best it may just be a small legacy.
                That which we forget may as well never really happened.

                Comment


                • We are married him (happily me not so much) He does like to shut me out a lot because he likes control. He believes in just handling things and not discussing them. He wants me to shut-up and go along.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by clmbac View Post
                    My marriage is not on the rocks and we don't have financial issues. He is a very strong personality and is a bit controlling. His father left him as the EXECUTOR in control of everything to do as he sees fit. I have discussed with him how this makes me feel. He doesn't open up about it, he just says theirs nothing to tell. I know he got his mother's retirement (she is deceased) and father's retirement. He shuts me out of all decisions and only discusses it with the sibling. If I ask for anything his reply is "we don't have the money". We have two small children and I think they should have a collage fund....but no he just hides everything!
                    Now we are getting to the center of the problem, him being secretive and controlling. Has he always been this way?

                    Personally, I believe inherited money is a perfect way to fund a college fund.

                    What Claret says about retirement funds is generally applicable. Sometimes if the money from co-paying into a retirement hasn't been disbursed completely, a lump sum of the rest of the contributions and possibly interest will be made to the deceased's estate.
                    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                    ...
                    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                    Comment


                    • I'm wondering how you would characterize your marriage if you don't think it's on the rocks. You've said you're not so happy, your husband is "controlling" and secretive.

                      How long have you been married and has he always been this way?

                      Comment

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