[misskitty3]

so, that problem i've been dealing with with my hubby has ended, well, sort of. the other day we finally had sex for the first time in about 3-4 weeks. it was good, but it was only that one time. i wore some of the lingere that i bought to show him and that worked out fine but i'm still wary of the future. i feel like giving up.

should i stop trying to initiate and let him come to me? i feel so upset about the whole situation since i don't get any other reason than, i'm not in the mood.... but he tells me i shouldn't worry and that i'm still as attractive as i ever was. well, excuse me but i should hope so, i'm only 25 and without babies! he says that he is getting old (27) and that he is overweight, duh? loose the weight!!

sorry i'm going on....i'll stop rambling now

[metalbudderfly]

hello miss kitty,
you know your an attractive young woman and the excuse your hubby gives you about him being to old and overweight well duh like you said he can lose the weight and he is not old. tell him that you married him for who he is and not his weight. my hubby was very fit but he had a terrible accident last year in march. he fell 36 feet down an elevator shaft and broke his neck, back, his pelvis on both sides,9 ribs, lacerated his kidneys and liver so badly he bled out from them for 3 weeks he had 13 blood transfusions, he had 4 surgeries in 6 days to put him back together and spent 5 weeks in the hospital. well after all that he still had no excuse to have sex with me. it was akward but we did our best. so if my hubby can go through all that and still have sex and he is 10 years older than your hubby than i don't see any excuse your hubby could come up with. he is not old or to fat to have sex. if there is a will than there is a way. i know that first hand. so tell him straight forward no more excuses. tell him to be honest and tell you the real reasons why he doesn't want to have sex with his beautiful young wife. as humans we have needs and that includes ones of the sexual nature. i hope you can get some answers that you are seeking........

[sourpuss]

He could be depressed. That could be the reason for losing interest in sex and for the weight gain. Don't nag him about losing weight though. Are there any activities you can do together that are active? Playing racquetball or something fun like that?

[misskitty3]

"if there is a will than there is a way"

I feel the same way, and that's why its hitting me so personally. why would he not want to? i'm ready and willing, and i haven't always been this way, but i changed to satisfy him (and myself) as a good wife.
i try and then feel rejected. i don't try and feel unattractive. lose-lose
maybe i'm the one who is depressed. i can't see any silver lining.

i have never nagged him about losing weight, even though he says that i'm allowed to cause i'm his wife. i'm not like that though. when he brings it up, i ask him how it makes him feel and what he would like to do about it. he says he is going to do things and then doesn't. story of his life! LOL!

i am guilty too cause i don't like being active, but i'm 5'2, 105 so i'm not motivated to exercise. i do sometimes when i get depressed or something but you know....

i have asked him over and over what the real reason is, and its the same line over and over. but he tries to assure me that its not me.

i'm just confused and emotionally charged on this one...

[metalbudderfly]

wow miss kitty,
i'm sorry to hear your frustration....... does your husband have or had any arousal problems like does his equipment work properly? that could be a very embarrasing thing for guys. i could see a guy using any excuse to cover that one up. well i'm sorry to hear that he doesn't desire you like you desire him. do you or have you ever suspected anything like he may be having an affair. not saying he is. i know i always had a gut feeling when my ex-hubby cheated on me. well i wish i had some answers for you. good luck and i hope you get things resolved....

[misskitty3]

lynne,

thanks for your support!
we've been dating since i was 18, and he was 21....back then i couldn't keep his hands off me! and i was the one who wasn't "in the mood" but i guess now are sex drives are switching? i think he may have some problems with stamina cause the excuse of being old and fat might be what he's trying to imply.

there's no way he'd be having an affair. i know a lot of women put blinders on and say that, but he doesn't have what it takes to do that. plus, we've only been married for 3 months!

i don't want to be one of those couples who get married and then their sex life is over! we've both said that we weren't going to be like most couples cause we've already been together for about 6-7 years but now i worry. i hope this resolves itself cause i only have a few more ideas up my sleeve!


thanks again!

[metalbudderfly]

hey miss kitty, well i'm glad it's not an affair. if you think that stamina might be his little problem he is embarrased about then there are ways around that.. i don't know if he would totally admit that to you because you know how men can be it's like a big blow to their pride. also there is some truth to your statement about sex drives kind of switching. what i have read and experienced is that men are just horney raging hormones at like 17 or 18 then as they get older their testosterone levels do start to decrease hence having a lower sex drive. also i know from my personal experiences that womens sex drives increase as they get older, i'm now in my late 30's and sex for me is better and more fulfilling. maybe i just chalk it up to being more experienced and more intune with my self and body...... well good luck with this and hey keep those thoughts rolling you never know you might find the solution.