[ajandresen]

I am really hoping for some advice on my situation. I found out a few days ago that my Husband (together for 8yrs, married for 3) set up a profile on line to have an affair. His profile stated he was married and wanted a discrete encounter hoping for someone else to host. After confronting him about it because he left his email open with all of the passwords, he claims it is all fantasy. He claims he has never acted out on any occasion, but does admit he has considered it. Normally, my guy is a fabulous husband and father to our 20 month old. We have mostly had what I consider a very lucky relationship, because we get along so well....still. On one hand, I just want to leave him to teach him a lesson, but the other just wonders can he really change. He says he has a problem and wants to change. He has offered to go to counseling, a pastor, he even agreed to sign away his parental rights, if he did not follow through with his word. Can people really get better from this? Can I learn to love and trust him again. I want to try I guess, but I am just not sure if it is possible to let it go.

A bit of his history past: He has lied about going to strip clubs, he has been caught twice after he lied about it. The second time he made up the crazy crazy story about being mugged and beat up which he did have cuts. What really happed was he was so ashamed of blowing $300 he went to a park and beat himself up and made up his ridiculous story.

There is more to write, bu tI am pretty fried. Any help is appreciated!!

[alibaby]

He needs intervention.

Hi andresen.

Don't give him chances and don't teach him a lesson. If you feel your marriage is worth saving, your husband must get help, possibly counseling. And I would make it an ultimatum that he goes. Make the calls yourself if you have to. But if he makes another empty promise, do whatever you have to to take care of yourself and your child. If he cares about the well-being of his family, he will get the help that he needs. If not, then he can blame himself for the destruction of your marriage.

[sourpuss]

If he really wants to get help and change he will. I disagree, I don't think that you should make any calls to anyone for him. If he wants to fix what he broke, if it's important enough for him, he will do it. If it's not worth the effort, then he won't and you will know how he feels.

If you give an ultimatum, be prepared to back it up. Giving one out and then not following through just goes to show that you will allow yourself to be lied to and you will give unlimited chances.

It's up to you. Sorry you are going through all of this, it does not sound fun. I hope everything works out for the best.

[sweetgirl]

i really say dont give him another chance. He obviously has no control over what your talking about.If he did he wouldnt be doing what hes been doing. You should be the most important person in this world to yourself, think about that. U wouldnt advice your best friend to put up with it why should u?

[CM2008]

He is looking now. Why? Not enough sex at home? Take a look at how often you have sex. Perhaps he wants it far more than he is getting.

I would say it crosses guys minds when things are stagnant at home. The difference is some people act on it but most don't.

If he hasn't physically cheated on you (and even if he has) people do mess up, and when its pointed out, if they are worth anything, they'll do the right thing and change. It sounds like in your case he hasn't cheated yet. If he keeps fishing for an affair, I'd recommend seeing a marriage couselor.

[cborton1]

In the long run it is your decision on what to do. My husband cheated for the first time after three years but we had three kids and so many years vested i thought i would give him a chance then recently i found out that he cheated on me a total of three times and he almost left for the third. The person that i am I took him back because i love him so much. The only thing that i can not get past is that i do not trust him and every day i cry because i hurt so much. We have been married for almost 8 years now and have been together since 1995. I dont want to throw it away. I am trying to make it work but it does not help that we fight a lot and i am constantly only thinking of him with someone else and cry every day. I personally dont know what to do myself sometimes. Your decision only depends on how strong can you be and can you pull through this. Ask yourself that.

[cborton1]

This is . My husband got it everyday if he wanted it. He never was turned down. He always has turned me down. Sex is not always the reason.

He is looking now. Why? Not enough sex at home? Take a look at how often you have sex. Perhaps he wants it far more than he is getting.

I would say it crosses guys minds when things are stagnant at home. The difference is some people act on it but most don't.

If he hasn't physically cheated on you (and even if he has) people do mess up, and when its pointed out, if they are worth anything, they'll do the right thing and change. It sounds like in your case he hasn't cheated yet. If he keeps fishing for an affair, I'd recommend seeing a marriage couselor.

[damd]

Before you do anything I think you should weigh what exactly his crimes are. Did he cheat on you? ie. Did he have sex with someone else? You've stated there is more, so only you know what he has done. (Actually he's the one that knows what he has done and what he is thinking) I would suggest sitting him down and informing him that if he wants this marriage to continue then he needs to be completely honest and answer your questions. I guess that could be interpreted as an ultimatum, and I really don't believe in ultimatums, however, if you should use one make sure that you are prepared to back it up. (like Sourpuss said) I would also suggest that you outline what you expect out of this marriage and out of him. Ask him if he wishes this marriage to continue. Inevitably, marriage counseling for both of you is probably needed.

Personal thoughts.. if he was merely looking to cheat and has not actually cheated yet. I don't see it as something worth ending the marriage over. I would view it as catching someone planning to rob a bank and you cought them before they did it. They are guilty of a crime, but not the same as actually committing the crime. The difference is, I don't think he reach the point of no return yet, luckly you caught him.

I don't envy your situation. Good luck to you and whatever you decide to do.

[damd]

February huh... Guess this was a little old to help the threader.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

February huh... Guess this was a little old to help the threader.

I am sorry?

Are you admitting that you actually are aware after all that old threads are not worth bringing back to the surfice, especially, if there are more current ones here, of simular nature and that, therefore, you got bitten yourself, by replying, then realising?

Shame on you damd...

Or something