[renfroe1012001]

Let me see where to began this at. I know that I am always posting about the same and same old stuff time and time again. But now theres this problem. .

I know that I have always posted about porn and problems with porn and my relationship. But right now everything seems like it is going down hill in this relationship.

My man looks at porn all the time when I am at work. It seems like that is takinig the sex part of our relationship away. I know I am not pretty and when I see that he has looked at it. It makes me feel so small and so unloved by him. I don't know what the problem is I want him so bad but he doesn't want me, it never feels like it. I am at the point where I don't want to have sex with him anymore he doesn't respect me, it seems like at times. I would love to tell him what is going on but it scares me to death. I mean i love him but can hate him at the same time. I don't know what to do right now. I don't get how I can be so close to him and miss him so much at one time. I mean why don't he just go and cheat on me that is what it seems like he is doing now. The only time that we have sex is on the days that i don't work and even then it doesn't seem like he wants to. like it is toture to him and he just wants it done and over with. I don't know what to do. I need advice please someone I am so clueless. And we are suppose to be getting married next month. If it is like this now should I get married? help

Has anyone else been in this place like I am now?

[Fallen1]

I hate to say it but it is my opinion that you need to put the wedding off until you can get whatever this is worked out.

[sourpuss]

You need to NOT marry this man. The two of you have so many problems on so many levels. You need to work out why you are so insecure and why you feel like you need someone who you think does not respect and love you. Please do not get married.

[Guest]

his obsession with porn probably won't go away - at best, you'll get numb & quit caring over time. that will come at a price, though - you won't care because you'll feel such a sense of hopelessness regarding your relationship & your respect (lack thereof) for him that you might just write-off the porn.

think about that in the context of the possibility of you two having children. a child catching her father jerking off to porn is unforgettable - as are the pictures & videos those kids inadvertantly stumble on in homes where a guy keeps porn.

his use of porn definitely won't let up unless it's confronted. that industry has him right where they want him - he's hooked up to a feeding tube & they'll keep it coming. once he gets bored with one thing they'll channel in something new & exciting.

people have a built-in "trigger" - an arousal sensor that gets excited when you're aroused. it's sensitive & can be fragile. porn grabs that trigger & runs it at redline until it blows up. this is why so many porn addicts can't get it up or aren't interested in real sex.

marrying him without confronting this issue could be the worst mistake of your life - but so could leaving him without confronting it. only you would know that.

if you believe it's a relationship worth saving, confront the porn & draw your lines. then buckle up for a tough ride. it's doable - not easy.

don't forget you both have the right to draw those lines - you may be right & he might be wrong here, but he still has the right to draw lines. you say you can't live with porn in your marriage - he can also say he won't live without it. that's his right -

but it's yours too. women seem to forget that a lot. men spend a lot of effort establishing that boys will be boys & porn is just a part of every day life - you need to accept it.

maybe so. but it's no less a reality that you - and most other women - don't like it. you aren't attracted to a guy who is obsessed with porn. guys need to accept that. that's just the way many women are. period.

don't let up on that point. you're not neurotic or paranoid. you're not unreasonable. life is full of sacrifices. if he wants to spend his life with you, he will have to sacrifice his addiction to porn (which will be in his best interest anyway).

what you describe is the place so many porn addicts find themselves. he's hooked on porn, which has overstimulated him to the point that real sex can't reach the same highs that porn can. now he finds himself unable to pursue real sex - it's not as exciting & it demands intimacy from him.

it's like he's grown accustomed to virtual excercise from the comfort of his sofa - and sex with you is like getting up & going to the gym. he's gotten lazy.

both are treatable & you can overcome it. but only if you talk to him.

you have to know - there's nothing wrong with your fiance. he's like all the rest of us (men). he's vulnerable to visual stimuli & porn is designed to bombard him with it. he's just broken to the pressure & needs some help getting out of the swamp he jumped into.

if you confront him & find he's adamant about keeping & feeding his porn habit, even if it means losing you - then my advice is to take a deep breath & let him go. difficult as that would be - a life spent with a consciousless porn abuser would destroy you - and any kids you might have together.

saying goodbye to one before you tie the knot won't.

[rcoreyus]

Let me see where to began this at. I know that I am always posting about the same and same old stuff time and time again. But now theres this problem. .

I know that I have always posted about porn and problems with porn and my relationship. But right now everything seems like it is going down hill in this relationship.

My man looks at porn all the time when I am at work. It seems like that is takinig the sex part of our relationship away. I know I am not pretty and when I see that he has looked at it. It makes me feel so small and so unloved by him. I don't know what the problem is I want him so bad but he doesn't want me, it never feels like it. I am at the point where I don't want to have sex with him anymore he doesn't respect me, it seems like at times. I would love to tell him what is going on but it scares me to death. I mean i love him but can hate him at the same time. I don't know what to do right now. I don't get how I can be so close to him and miss him so much at one time. I mean why don't he just go and cheat on me that is what it seems like he is doing now. The only time that we have sex is on the days that i don't work and even then it doesn't seem like he wants to. like it is toture to him and he just wants it done and over with. I don't know what to do. I need advice please someone I am so clueless. And we are suppose to be getting married next month. If it is like this now should I get married? help

Has anyone else been in this place like I am now?

If he watches porn but is still interested in you, I would not be very worried. If he watches porn, but is not interested in you, I would be concerned. Is there any chance you can talk to him about the lack of interest.

For some reason, discussing porn seems to cause very strong reactions from everyone involved. It might actually be easier to talk about his lack of interest. If you can, without judging, find out what it is he really wants, you will be able to decide what to do from there. Maybe he really is adicted to porn. Maybe there is something sexual he wants but hasn't asked for (which you might, or might not be happy to do). Maybe he really isn't interested in you (I hope that isn't the case).

good luck.