[jen4625]

I have been married for almost two years now, and it has been riddled with negative happenings. It has gotten to a point where my husband and I have sat down, looked at each other and said we were better friends than a married couple. Sometimes we talk about getting a divorce and still remaining room mates because we enjoyed doing that, with no strings or anything.
Within the first month of our wedding he and I had a fight and he ended up throwing his ring out the car window and it was lost. I forgave him for it but it is always on the back of my mind. If you can understand, a ring is symbolic of our marriage and he just seemed to throw our marriage out the window. From that point, it hurts everytime we fight, because he will threaten ending our marriage or try to kick me out of the house everytime we fight, which happens at least twice a week. Then he will come back and apologize and say he didn't mean it. I think the damage is done already regardless if he meant it or not.
I don't know where the line is. I don't think I should just let this happen everytime we fight. My mental stability is shattered everytime he says it, and I finally told him next time he threatened me I would really leave. Where is that line? Am I being selfish? Is this normal? Is it worth divorcing over?

[FedUp7777]

I don't have any words of wisdom because I have allowed my own life to be screwed up due to similar issues. But I can say I wish I had the courage at only 2 years married to get out. Sounds controlling to me to hang over your head the threat of breakup or kicking you out every time you disagree - which I'm sure is what starts the fights. Sounds to me like he is using the threat to get his way. I know there are others here with better words of wisdom, but it does not sound healthy to me. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

[sourpuss]

Have you tried couples counseling yet?

[LadyLane]

I'm with Sourpuss - have you tried couples counseling? Almost everyone fights at one time or another and some people do more than others. Somehow it seems that you're both not communicating to each other. It sounds like your husband has a hair-trigger response to fighting and he immediately does something impulsive and dramatic (my friend and her husband had this relationship - its over now, but that's another story). I'm sure when he comes back to you, he's regretting what he said, and he truly didn't mean it. But for some reason he escalates quickly and repeats this behavior because it gets a certain response from you.

So the two of you have a bad pattern of fighting and nothing is getting resolved. Counseling does actually show you how to fight "right" - how to both say what you need and aren't getting, and how to listen to each other. A lot of people have a very hard time keeping the fight to what it is specifically about and actively listening to the other person.

Good luck. It does sound like under there is a good fit - friends make the best couples anyway. I hope you can figure it out.

[C]

My Thought

Mistakes are made in marrying someone just as they are made in purchasing a car. You really did not know how it will work and have never tried out that model before. In my opinion the biggest wrong would be made in staying together when you are unhappy with the possibility of bringing a child into this union. With the unhappiness that is already there, it would not remedy this situation.

When you marry you should love a man with your whole heart and soul. He must feel the same for you. If there was anything that I could impress on a woman of today, it would be to become more liberated......You do not need man.....You can do your own thing and be happy....Just as a man uses a woman for his wh*re, he can be used for her's when she is in sexual need.....

Despite the fact that I am without a doubt the most sexually satisfied and happiest woman in the world, I know that if I was young and single, I would be hell to tie down.....And I would not have it any other way.....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Friendship?

I have been married for almost two years now, and it has been riddled with negative happenings. It has gotten to a point where my husband and I have sat down, looked at each other and said we were better friends than a married couple. Sometimes we talk about getting a divorce and still remaining room mates because we enjoyed doing that, with no strings or anything.
Within the first month of our wedding he and I had a fight and he ended up throwing his ring out the car window and it was lost. I forgave him for it but it is always on the back of my mind. If you can understand, a ring is symbolic of our marriage and he just seemed to throw our marriage out the window. From that point, it hurts everytime we fight, because he will threaten ending our marriage or try to kick me out of the house everytime we fight, which happens at least twice a week. Then he will come back and apologize and say he didn't mean it. I think the damage is done already regardless if he meant it or not.

I can truly relate to this, although he added, emotional black male and verbal abuse, but the day he threw the rings at me and that look in his eye, i said, well, i can do this ... Seeya... And i did.

Sometimes, we are best friends, in fact my ex and i were, there was trust, no room for wondering about another man, woman, when he had so much fun, he'd glow in telling me, only i was the wife, you know the one that cooks, cleans, tries and so i had nothing to tell him that made me glow. The sex went as well, after we married, and the friendship set in.

God, he still till today, looks at $$ , looks at what we could have had $$ but that's because i MADE IT, then he says, gee our friends are so happy we worked it out, when we tried again..... But when i said, what is it that you love about me, he said: And i'm actually not bad, ex model, but he said, You are beautiful and intellegent..... ( what?)

Not i love you, all that you are, that you do, etc etc etc.

Sometimes we confuse our "sole mates" with our best of friend"...

If the passion is not there, the desire, the lust, the "look" the "want" the i can't live with out you you are my being, the sex?

Truly, then you were friends trying a "MARRIAGE", it's not a bad thing, we all get confused....

But sounds to me, like me, it was based on friendship, where mine tried to control, to keep, put me down to keep, yours is at least just plain honest.


XX much love.
I don't know where the line is. I don't think I should just let this happen everytime we fight. My mental stability is shattered everytime he says it, and I finally told him next time he threatened me I would really leave. Where is that line? Am I being selfish? Is this normal? Is it worth divorcing over?

You deside, friends you can count on your fingers and are very important, maybe he is one. Not so bad, compared to your future.....