I never looked at my marriage as being any of the above until just before "i walked".
I was a stong, vibrant, powerful business woman, attractive, independent, sensual woman with some nievety even as i grew older.
He was an outgoing, boyish, adventurous, hard working labour man who treated me like "gold" when we met.
Ah, well sounds good so far!
I knew he had been married before, at 31. He was a virgin. She was 21 and a virgin. He waited, not bad looking, very fit, 6 packs, a geek at school like me that turned into a swan that type.
She, went from size 8 - 18 in 18 months, he made mention that he tried to "help her" go to a gym with her.
She, slept with another man and of course, came divorce.
She was bitter, very bitter, i eventually met her but never spoke with her.
He, met 3 other ladies, all with issues, and he " tried to help them", over come those issues, none of course stayed, one took money from his account and claimed Bipola Disorder....
Poor guy, always trying to help but these lost souls wouldn't listen, doesn't matter, i am strong, i don't need saving and i wouldn't steal his money i have my own, i'll show him it's okay, as i slowly fall in love, or lust with him.
I am 37, getting old. Need to consider marriage, children, he is fun, loving, giving, always there, it is different, i am not used to this, i like this.
After 9 months, he has an accident. 4 disks go in his back. He is on Workcover. I previously, before, had 20 per cent, disability down my right side, around 1 year before i met him, i kept working, as i could and eventually full time in Management, nothing was stopping me but the pain and that wouldn't stop me either.
He, claimed it was "his turn" to sit back and let someone else do the work. We struggled. I took out a loan against my house. He owned his own. He moved in after proposing after 3 weeks. We lived together.
18 months later, (better to my judgement) we married. Everything was tense, i was tense, i was late, my hair was wrong, my injury killed me, it rained.
But there was this man with a huge grin on his face waiting for me and there was my dream, married with one child coming before 40 to someone who enjoyed life to the max, would keep me young and someone who didn't mind me being career orientated for a change. In Love, ? Still to this day i think not. Love? Obviously but strangely.
Married. Honey moon was all about what he wanted to do.
Children. Nup, now tells me no, plays with the bedroom thing, leaves me alone on my own for weeks, until he feels that i won't try to "catch him". Ask why? Can't afford the schooling, too expensive, we will be too old when the child is 20, the list went on, a new un-known list.
Love making. Injured. Can't. Injured, on the side, just touch that part, 1 second and try to enter, time and time again, looking at the wardrobe, ouch, wait, not wet, let it be over.
Sexual clothing: No, sorry don't feel like it.
My Career: You need to get a real job. But i was earing good money sometimes, not but over a year i was. He was throwing jobs. Can't my back, another problem, more doctors, more issues, depression.
Help around the house: A woman's job, i'll watch my videos. Watering the garden by turning on a hose.... nup. Whilst i come home at 7pm, cook, feed the pets, water, and feed him.
Animals: Can't walk them, have to let them go. Torment the cat, chace the small dog, so it growls and laugh. I refused to let the third dog go, she is with me now, as is the cat and the little dog, who all walk around as if they are Kings and Queens and so they should.
Back injury: But a motorbike ride every weekend, no problem?
Work: Started my own, in my profession. Same old, you should get rid or her, him, you are throwing away money, get a real job.
Sex: On the side, again, over and over, sometimes on top, same thing, wait i'm not wet, that hurts, hold on. Nothing, no feeling, just doing.
Money: If i didn't marry you, i wouldn't have this mortgage to repay, i pay all the bills, i'm sick of this. Stamp of the feet. Look in they eye. But i paid the exact same out in food, and more in holiday's, improvements.
Money: I purchased him a motor bike. He wanted to trade it in, shortly after, he went to keep the whole lot? I asked for half... I was struggling with business, my business.
Business: Never got involved, but could tell me constantly where i was going wrong. 5 years later, it's stronger than ever and i co own the building.
Exhaust fan: I'm cooking. I forget to put the fan on. He has toy cars at the end of the family room. Pound, pounce, that look, he presses the button. You do it deliberately don't you...
Dinner: I pay of course. Each week a break for me. I talk about a girlfriend.. He starts calling them all s.....ts. An arguement breaks out and once again, we walk away separately, embarressed as the waiters see yet again.
Family: Your mother knows what your like, your brother knows what your like, they will stand by me. They've told me what they think about you.
Family: You are our daughter, no matter what he says you are flesh and blood, i have never said that to him.
Friends: Haven't seen any of his in the 9 months separated... They are loyal, what i saw at the beginning, what i knew, is what they see 15 years later. He only shows that side.
Friends parties: The perfect gentleman, but edges me, quietly without them seeing. I slump, go quiet, or give him looks. They see. They assume, what a bi......h.....
See, even a strong woman can lose her worth. Feel non - sexual, it's dirty, can't go there, he will percieve i know more than he does, therefore, lost, no longer the strong business woman, about to crash and burn, love, even with the animals, and only with the animals as theirs is un-conditonal.
Strength, courage, no more, i am beautiful, i am intelligent, i can do this and more......
And, now:-
Animals love their home.
I love my new home.
I love me.
I'm so sexual and sensual that i can't wait to explore more in real life.
I am communicating with a beautiful man that i will meet soon.
I will explore every inch of me and him.
My business is turning a huge corner and about to jump.
I have turned a huge corner and i'm jumping.
I still drink a little, and smoke too much but i'm getting that through my head, can't do it all at once.
I drive a nice convertible, where before, it stayed on the street, an older car, whilst he drove a nice car, that remained behind shelter..
I have men desiring me.
I flirt.
I am young, beautiful and in control.
I am me.
I have returned to me.
So, how can a man verbally abuse you without you realising, your not good enough, showing your always to blame, it's your fault, your family don't even think your all together there, you have anger problems, you need help.
How can a man, make you lose your self worth, control?
And, how do you allow him to degrade you over and over. Never tell your you look beautiful, but will tell others who tell you when your out, why? Because he has to keep up this pretence, has to be the good guy, the victim... in the split the poor me......
And, how do you realise before to avoid it? Can you? What if most comes out during your marriage, of what he tells you, or others?
Background:
She went from size 8 - 18.
The other's had issues he was trying to solve.
His father committed suicide when he was 3.
His father went to gaol for fraud and may have had a bi sexual relationship that may have in fact made him commit suicide.
Not before, he bashed the 3 year old a few times.
His mother as a result got cancer.
He cared for her. But no, only when he had to, his brother did.
His Nan locked him in a shed. But her and i get on very well, she sees a dark side of him and loves her other grandson to bits, she will not tell me anything but still calls me her grandaughter, she is 91, she prays for me every night, as long as you both are happy, is her answer to me leaving, an almost tear to her eye, i can see, because she doesn't want to lose me.
His selfishness for doing what he wants, over doing things together.
His appetite for doing nothing, it's a woman's job all of it.
His desire not to work, it's your turn.
The list goes on and on and on. Still til today, " if you were this nice to me before, we wouldn't have had to break up".
"You own the office, so if you want it, then i'm not paying 10 years of added mortgage for something i won't benefit from".
The list still goes on.
Only i have inner peace, i am me. You can not get me. I belong to me, and to the next man whom may be this new man, but the one who is him, and together become us.
I and you, will not only survive but have so much fun, and am, and grow so much, and am, and enjoy so much, and am, that i will only say "those wasted years".
But then i wouldn't be who i am now, which is who i was before, but older, better, wiser, stronger and very loving, to myself and life.
See if you recognise anything, more than one? Two? Sound familiar?
Are you staying or going........
I was a stong, vibrant, powerful business woman, attractive, independent, sensual woman with some nievety even as i grew older.
He was an outgoing, boyish, adventurous, hard working labour man who treated me like "gold" when we met.
Ah, well sounds good so far!
I knew he had been married before, at 31. He was a virgin. She was 21 and a virgin. He waited, not bad looking, very fit, 6 packs, a geek at school like me that turned into a swan that type.
She, went from size 8 - 18 in 18 months, he made mention that he tried to "help her" go to a gym with her.
She, slept with another man and of course, came divorce.
She was bitter, very bitter, i eventually met her but never spoke with her.
He, met 3 other ladies, all with issues, and he " tried to help them", over come those issues, none of course stayed, one took money from his account and claimed Bipola Disorder....
Poor guy, always trying to help but these lost souls wouldn't listen, doesn't matter, i am strong, i don't need saving and i wouldn't steal his money i have my own, i'll show him it's okay, as i slowly fall in love, or lust with him.
I am 37, getting old. Need to consider marriage, children, he is fun, loving, giving, always there, it is different, i am not used to this, i like this.
After 9 months, he has an accident. 4 disks go in his back. He is on Workcover. I previously, before, had 20 per cent, disability down my right side, around 1 year before i met him, i kept working, as i could and eventually full time in Management, nothing was stopping me but the pain and that wouldn't stop me either.
He, claimed it was "his turn" to sit back and let someone else do the work. We struggled. I took out a loan against my house. He owned his own. He moved in after proposing after 3 weeks. We lived together.
18 months later, (better to my judgement) we married. Everything was tense, i was tense, i was late, my hair was wrong, my injury killed me, it rained.
But there was this man with a huge grin on his face waiting for me and there was my dream, married with one child coming before 40 to someone who enjoyed life to the max, would keep me young and someone who didn't mind me being career orientated for a change. In Love, ? Still to this day i think not. Love? Obviously but strangely.
Married. Honey moon was all about what he wanted to do.
Children. Nup, now tells me no, plays with the bedroom thing, leaves me alone on my own for weeks, until he feels that i won't try to "catch him". Ask why? Can't afford the schooling, too expensive, we will be too old when the child is 20, the list went on, a new un-known list.
Love making. Injured. Can't. Injured, on the side, just touch that part, 1 second and try to enter, time and time again, looking at the wardrobe, ouch, wait, not wet, let it be over.
Sexual clothing: No, sorry don't feel like it.
My Career: You need to get a real job. But i was earing good money sometimes, not but over a year i was. He was throwing jobs. Can't my back, another problem, more doctors, more issues, depression.
Help around the house: A woman's job, i'll watch my videos. Watering the garden by turning on a hose.... nup. Whilst i come home at 7pm, cook, feed the pets, water, and feed him.
Animals: Can't walk them, have to let them go. Torment the cat, chace the small dog, so it growls and laugh. I refused to let the third dog go, she is with me now, as is the cat and the little dog, who all walk around as if they are Kings and Queens and so they should.
Back injury: But a motorbike ride every weekend, no problem?
Work: Started my own, in my profession. Same old, you should get rid or her, him, you are throwing away money, get a real job.
Sex: On the side, again, over and over, sometimes on top, same thing, wait i'm not wet, that hurts, hold on. Nothing, no feeling, just doing.
Money: If i didn't marry you, i wouldn't have this mortgage to repay, i pay all the bills, i'm sick of this. Stamp of the feet. Look in they eye. But i paid the exact same out in food, and more in holiday's, improvements.
Money: I purchased him a motor bike. He wanted to trade it in, shortly after, he went to keep the whole lot? I asked for half... I was struggling with business, my business.
Business: Never got involved, but could tell me constantly where i was going wrong. 5 years later, it's stronger than ever and i co own the building.
Exhaust fan: I'm cooking. I forget to put the fan on. He has toy cars at the end of the family room. Pound, pounce, that look, he presses the button. You do it deliberately don't you...
Dinner: I pay of course. Each week a break for me. I talk about a girlfriend.. He starts calling them all s.....ts. An arguement breaks out and once again, we walk away separately, embarressed as the waiters see yet again.
Family: Your mother knows what your like, your brother knows what your like, they will stand by me. They've told me what they think about you.
Family: You are our daughter, no matter what he says you are flesh and blood, i have never said that to him.
Friends: Haven't seen any of his in the 9 months separated... They are loyal, what i saw at the beginning, what i knew, is what they see 15 years later. He only shows that side.
Friends parties: The perfect gentleman, but edges me, quietly without them seeing. I slump, go quiet, or give him looks. They see. They assume, what a bi......h.....
See, even a strong woman can lose her worth. Feel non - sexual, it's dirty, can't go there, he will percieve i know more than he does, therefore, lost, no longer the strong business woman, about to crash and burn, love, even with the animals, and only with the animals as theirs is un-conditonal.
Strength, courage, no more, i am beautiful, i am intelligent, i can do this and more......
And, now:-
Animals love their home.
I love my new home.
I love me.
I'm so sexual and sensual that i can't wait to explore more in real life.
I am communicating with a beautiful man that i will meet soon.
I will explore every inch of me and him.
My business is turning a huge corner and about to jump.
I have turned a huge corner and i'm jumping.
I still drink a little, and smoke too much but i'm getting that through my head, can't do it all at once.
I drive a nice convertible, where before, it stayed on the street, an older car, whilst he drove a nice car, that remained behind shelter..
I have men desiring me.
I flirt.
I am young, beautiful and in control.
I am me.
I have returned to me.
So, how can a man verbally abuse you without you realising, your not good enough, showing your always to blame, it's your fault, your family don't even think your all together there, you have anger problems, you need help.
How can a man, make you lose your self worth, control?
And, how do you allow him to degrade you over and over. Never tell your you look beautiful, but will tell others who tell you when your out, why? Because he has to keep up this pretence, has to be the good guy, the victim... in the split the poor me......
And, how do you realise before to avoid it? Can you? What if most comes out during your marriage, of what he tells you, or others?
Background:
She went from size 8 - 18.
The other's had issues he was trying to solve.
His father committed suicide when he was 3.
His father went to gaol for fraud and may have had a bi sexual relationship that may have in fact made him commit suicide.
Not before, he bashed the 3 year old a few times.
His mother as a result got cancer.
He cared for her. But no, only when he had to, his brother did.
His Nan locked him in a shed. But her and i get on very well, she sees a dark side of him and loves her other grandson to bits, she will not tell me anything but still calls me her grandaughter, she is 91, she prays for me every night, as long as you both are happy, is her answer to me leaving, an almost tear to her eye, i can see, because she doesn't want to lose me.
His selfishness for doing what he wants, over doing things together.
His appetite for doing nothing, it's a woman's job all of it.
His desire not to work, it's your turn.
The list goes on and on and on. Still til today, " if you were this nice to me before, we wouldn't have had to break up".
"You own the office, so if you want it, then i'm not paying 10 years of added mortgage for something i won't benefit from".
The list still goes on.
Only i have inner peace, i am me. You can not get me. I belong to me, and to the next man whom may be this new man, but the one who is him, and together become us.
I and you, will not only survive but have so much fun, and am, and grow so much, and am, and enjoy so much, and am, that i will only say "those wasted years".
But then i wouldn't be who i am now, which is who i was before, but older, better, wiser, stronger and very loving, to myself and life.
See if you recognise anything, more than one? Two? Sound familiar?
Are you staying or going........
Not sure what i mean, everyone else, go to sex forum...
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