[anonymouswhitefemale]

Uh oh, it's another male-bi thread. Quick, get out your pitchforks and burning torches, we can form a mob and chase him out of town!!!

Seriously, I'm very disappointed in a lot of the women at these boards, [snipped by mod]. At a level, we are all slightly bisexual, every last one of us (I believe). The extent to which you acknowledge it is largely down to how brainwashed you've been by a society just leaving an age of discrimination and persecution and we're finally learning that religion might not be right about burning gays to death. The most homophobic of us generally turn out to be gay. I'd also point out that a lot of you would seem to be completely hypocritical in your views of homosexuality, a woman shagging a woman is a beautiful thing to be encouraged, and a man and a man means a decietful AIDS carrying sex monste - who will cause life to crash around them.

I suppose I would also point out that you're about as likely to catch a disease of a girl as you are a guy - try to grow out of your prejudices people. Who knows, you might feel like more rounded individuals.

[snipped!]


-----------------------


OK, as to the actual subject of this thread... Let me try to describe what happened to you:

He's been feeling in a sexual cage, with nothing interesting going on whatsoever. He is married, but he is still a sexual creature. After a number of years of sexual boredom he probably rolled with a new idea to get his jollies - WHICH IS FINE - and this wound up in him getting a taste for the taboo. Yeah, so this involves guys, and I'd say all liklihood that he IS bisexual. Your well-thought-through and considerate action was to remove your sexual relationship. Now he's thinking, maybe a man in stockings will actually be able to relieve some of my sexual frustration, I know for a fact my wife wont.

If you even cared for him, you'd try to understand, discuss with him, understand what reality is etc... Basically, there was a point where you could have been with him (when you first found out), made an effort to understand and embrace, and you might still have a strong marriage. As it is, you've sabotaged it completely by making yourself an asexual unloving partner. Why the **** would he want to have sex with you when you judge him for who he is so harshly, and obviously feel nothing for him.

I mean really, from the looks of it, I think that you two should break up. If by "give up all we have worked for (financially)" you mean the amount of time you've been living off him, sponging the money off him, then staying with him for the security and money only makes someone a prostitute (as does stealing money in a divorce IMO).

[Fallen1]

I'd also point out that a lot of you would seem to be completely hypocritical in your views of homosexuality, a woman shagging a woman is a beautiful thing to be encouraged, and a man and a man means a decietful AIDS carrying sex monster - who will cause life to crash around them.

I agree with Anon here. If one is distasteful how can the other not be?

OK, as to the actual subject of this thread... Let me try to describe what happened to you:

He's been feeling in a sexual cage, with nothing interesting going on whatsoever. He is married, but he is still a sexual creature. After a number of years of sexual boredom he probably rolled with a new idea to get his jollies - WHICH IS FINE - and this wound up in him getting a taste for the taboo. Yeah, so this involves guys, and I'd say all liklihood that he IS bisexual. Your well-thought-through and considerate action was to remove your sexual relationship. Now he's thinking, maybe a man in stockings will actually be able to relieve some of my sexual frustration, I know for a fact my wife wont.

If you even cared for him, you'd try to understand, discuss with him, understand what reality is etc... Basically, there was a point where you could have been with him (when you first found out), made an effort to understand and embrace, and you might still have a strong marriage. As it is, you've sabotaged it completely by making yourself an asexual unloving partner. Why the **** would he want to have sex with you when you judge him for who he is so harshly, and obviously feel nothing for him.

I mean really, from the looks of it, I think that you two should break up. If by "give up all we have worked for (financially)" you mean the amount of time you've been living off him, sponging the money off him, then staying with him for the security and money only makes someone a prostitute (as does stealing money in a divorce IMO).

Your description of what has happened is very likely, but how can you say that is what has happened here?

How can you say he was bored? Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. We don't know the intimate details of their relationship.

I will agree with you that withholding sex as a form of punishment will most likely do nothing for a relationship other than fuel the problem(s). If someone is not getting what they need they will look to other sources.

As far as her living off of him, you don't know that. She did say "all we've worked for". She may have a career to where she contributes just as much as he does or may even be the major source of income.

"He's lied. He's cheated. He falls directly under Kaylar's age-old cheatin' hubby formula. If he doesn't have a wife, he can't have that mistress ... regardless of the gender of that other person. He's cheated, or tried to, with both. So even if he is on the "down low," or in the closet, or whatever, the point still is that he cheated.
That he's probably still cheating.

I think Little hits the major point here.

[C]

We never know when we marry what the other person really is. Yet, saying this, we also never know who we really are.. Where before marriage, we as a woman thought that we would enjoy this sexual thrill with a man and would love him and F his brains out until the day we die, we instead find that we soon tire of this act called sex. The thrill dies and we fall into our own place in time. We enjoy life without the passion of what was and do not venture into that place in time of what could have been. The thrills he seeks from us sexually, we don't want to give. What seems erotic to him and he desperately wants and needs sexually, we turn our back's on and say no, I won't do that. But in our mind's the word "selfish" does not exist. We don't want it to....So we stay happy just being happy...

Seeing I was so blind to all of the sexuality in life up to three years ago this May, I think many mistakes are made BUT if two people love each other and can talk, some problems can be solved.

The problem on the above marriage is we never knew what went on behind closed doors prior to this and will never know. I feel sorry for the OP and I feel sorry for him. Both have messed up their lives....I am sure it isn't pleasant living where each of them do.....but it is life...

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Sorry to make you edit me little, believe it or not I was making an effort to be nice! (was a little irritated though).

Fallen: I should always prefix every post I make with a disclaimer: "I cannot garuntee 100% accuracy, and all contents are personal opinion only", although that's become something of a given on the internet. What I mean to say is that as a guy that's the impression I get.

I also think Little is right, although admittedly somehow I see it as slightly less cheating than if it was with a woman... It's kinda like your exploring yourself, discovering his own personality - if he were to have sex with a guy sometime, it would be about new experiences, trying something completely different (and from what I gather a lot of bi guys have no emotional strings to gay sex whatsoever, it's just like masturbation, only not). It's not about you being replaced by a superior model, or the good looks of a woman overcoming his love for your or whatever...

[C]

I wonder if it has ever been explored that as a man ages that he ages in a different way than a woman. I know for a fact that most women get hornier. We want more. We need more and as the times change in life and women are getting more independent, they demand more......And get it.... They are the hot maturing woman. I believe you can see this on the Forum in many women. We no longer are content to sit in the kitchen baking cookies, we want our cookies heated up by a man. We become bold and adventuresome and hot to trot.

But what about the human male. He may sexually change somewhat too. Without a doubt he now feels inadequate. Now that he is over the hill but that getting it up is now more of an effort and he lives in fear. He has to. For a casual date this could be the boat that rocked and sunk. So he, too, may have his own problems. Yet, saying this he still feels sexual but explores other avenues in life. This would be more tempting if he was not in a good marriage to start.

The man in the thread is showing signs of both bi and cross dressing. Neither of which brand him as a homosexual or gay. However, both of these troubling signals, if I was his wife, I may have done exactly what she did. I would be scared to death that he had crossed the line, cheated and had an affair with a man, thus the disease would come into play.

Just watching the news and the great and horny Governor of New York who resigned with all the opportunities in life afforded him, you realize that man is truly a more delicate species that we thought.....

[rcoreyus]

I feel that being bi, or gay gives you no more or less right to act on your desires. Relationships have limits (whether discussed or not), on what is acceptable: flirting? fantasies?, explicit discussions? phone sex? look-but-don't-touch?, anything goes? In a particular relationshiop, the boundries may be different for differnet genders (a man who doesn't mind his GF being intimate with another woman, but not with another man for example). People should not cross these boundries with someone of either gender.

There is not point in labels. Arguing whether anyone is really bi is just silly. If someone wants sex with people of both genders, might as well call them bi - otherwise you would need to make up a new word.

[Trish1700]

Very disturbing.

Would some one please point me to the article that says men who look at men dressed as women, or even dress like women are gay. Better yet, the source of the idea that many gay men wear women's clothes.
I assume the wife was sexually satisfied for 23 years or why else would with holding sex be a 'punishment'. Pretty good for a gay guy who is so irresponsible that he engages in unprotected sex. And all this because he looks at pictures and talks to strangers??
I also assume the wife enjoys and was an active sex partner, so what has she been doing these past 2+ years? The pool boy, masterbating in the shower, vibrator? Or maybe she is one of those who does not need it because she never really liked it--and yes, maybe he was rotten in the sack, but she never said that!
Now this is rough, has she taken good care of herself all these years. or is it " I'm married, why bother, what's he going to do?"
Well now you just might have your answer, hello internet!!
I bring all this up because I was at a point that my unhappiness was always some one else's fault, or "if he would just change this, all would be good". Life does not work that way.

[talk time]

I don't think this is about whether he is gay, bi, straight. It is about the deceat, lying, sneaking. Looking for sexual relationships out side of your marriage. Whether these are phone, cyber or in the flesh they are still forms of cheating.

It would be convenient for him to blame this on the two years if you not giving him sex but he was doing this before then.

I know it can seem hard to walk away from the things you have built together, memories, ties and finances and it is only you that can choose but I for one can vouch for the fact that there is life after seperation and the settlement of assets. The life you choose is up to you.

[Kelsey]

I don't think this is about whether he is gay, bi, straight. It is about the deceat, lying, sneaking. Looking for sexual relationships out side of your marriage. Whether these are phone, cyber or in the flesh they are still forms of cheating.

I can see that from your point of view that you see this as cheating. So if a woman would do the samething then it is cheating or just taking care of your needs. Being a guy I can understand your hurt from this. What he did dont make it right by no means but if it is onesided then in one way it was just taking care of his needs.


"It would be convenient for him to blame this on the two years if you not giving him sex but he was doing this before then."

It is easy to put blame to someone even when all the facts are not in are you sure that he was doing this for a long long time. We just assume that he has been doing this longer then 2 yrs.


"I know it can seem hard to walk away from the things you have built together, memories, ties and finances and it is only you that can choose but I for one can vouch for the fact that there is life after seperation and the settlement of assets. The life you choose is up to you".

Yes life is yours to choose and you may choose not to stay around and you will get all that you ask for but the bottom line is do you love him? Or do you hate him and wish that he was never in your life. The 25 yrs you had, I take it they were good times and bad time too, but more good then bad right. So because he like to do phone and cyber sex you don't think he is man enough for you anymore? That may or may not be the case but only you can make that call.

[Kelsey]

sorry I some of the reply inthe quote