[christa]

I am devistated to find out that my fiance is supporting his ex girlfreinds child that he is not the father of.

He told me that he "loves her as a sister and that he would never turn his back on a person who has loved and honerd him his whole life".

He claims he does not love her in a sexual way just simply he cares for her and her child. I asked him where this childs father was and why he had to support her.
He told me that was not a concern and that he was going to continue helping her money wise.
I never ask my finace to support me or give me money and he NEVER HAS... He has ocasionaly given me $300 bucks for bills or personal needs but nothing more.
I dont know how to feel about this and im very upset. He wants me to move to a county 3 states away from my family and live on a farm where their is NOTHING AROUND. I have lived in big cities all my life and i just dont know what to do.
Im scared and upset that he is supporting his ex's baby..How should i be reacting about all this??????.
By they way he is 15 yrs older then me. Im 22 and hes 35... and he tells me im immature and not adult enough but then he turns around and tells me he loves me and he could never imagine loving another women,
PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE HELP ME

[C]

I see a very big red caution flag with this relationship...Even if he is not the Father of this child, which he says he is not, he is getting into a situation that if this woman finds another man and he gets attached to the child, could be one large headache...I saw this happen once and saw a man tore apart because he got too close to a child that was not his. I cannot understand why he would want to support both of you unless he is very wealthy. Then the idea that he will be spending time with an ex-girlfriend by giving her money again brings that flag up...

But of all the flags that I am seeing flying, the one that is raised the highest and waving at me like mad is the flag that puts you three states and counties away from your family...He is trying to isolate you and that is not good. I don't think you are being immature, you are being wise...And one more thing, if he is using that immature word on you now, you will probably be hearing that many more times in your life..

Honey, proceed with caution on this....Don't rush and make sure that everything that he is telling you makes you comfortable about what will take place....Only go if you are going to be happy....Life is far too short and you are still young.....Much love, Caroline

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I see a very big red caution flag with this relationship...Even if he is not the Father of this child, which he says he is not, he is getting into a situation that if this woman finds another man and he gets attached to the child, could be one large headache...I saw this happen once and saw a man tore apart because he got too close to a child that was not his. I cannot understand why he would want to support both of you unless he is very wealthy. Then the idea that he will be spending time with an ex-girlfriend by giving her money again brings that flag up...

But of all the flags that I am seeing flying, the one that is raised the highest and waving at me like mad is the flag that puts you three states and counties away from your family...He is trying to isolate you and that is not good. I don't think you are being immature, you are being wise...And one more thing, if he is using that immature word on you now, you will probably be hearing that many more times in your life..

Honey, proceed with caution on this....Don't rush and make sure that everything that he is telling you makes you comfortable about what will take place....Only go if you are going to be happy....Life is far too short and you are still young.....Much love, Caroline

I do agree here. But i also see something else that is, that there is such an attachment for what ever reason, he may have let her down, he may be trying to make it up to her, the child could in fact be his or she may have been misfortunate on how she got pregnant.

If she has "loved and honoured him her whole life, why is it then that he is not with her? Why is it then that you are the woman, all of a sudden he couldn't live with out? Yet she was? And then your immature?".

How long have you been going out with this guy and been engaged if you feel like answering, and do you know how long his was with his ex?

I don't think i would move to be honest regardless.

CW

[C]

I want to add one thing to my post....If the two of you were madly in love and just plain mush together, the idea of being with him isolated on a farm with nobody else around would not bother you....When I married my husband I would have flown to the Moon and left the rest of the world behind....This I say with all honesty as long as their was a good food supply and indoor plumbing,...BUT I see hesitancy with you....You have to be 100% certain of these big steps in your life...TC, C

[missy82]

come on now whole life! What were they born together?

[Kaylaface]

It doesn't sound right. Along with everything that was said before, the fact that he's calling you immature shows he doesn't respect you, that he is not seeing you as his equal. The fact that he is giving another women money for a child that isn't his is awfully fishy. I would be careful, and logical and not rush into a situation that you would regret.

[moonshadow48]

Like a sister huh?

Gee I have heard that one!!! Seems like big trouble to me. She lives close to you now? Where does he work? Would it mean that he would be moving you farther away from her giving himself safer access?
Read my posts and see what the words "like a sister" got for me!!

[FionaDiaz]

My husband wasn't supporting anyone's child, but he did have a "best friend/sister" who he used to date.

They ended up sleeping together a few months before we were married...

Women can have friends that are like a brother... and nothing will ever happen. But usually when a guy has an extremely close girl friend, it can be dangerous.

Don't get me wrong, some guys can have girl friends that are nothing more than girl friends, but it's rare.

Be careful, hon.