[donnaatthegym]

Right about when I thought I heard it all, along comes something called a platonic massage, and whats worse is he claims there is nothing wrong as there is no sex or other intimate things happening. He claims the fact that I go to a spa and sometimes it is a man that gives me the massage (a professional) was ok for him to meet some stranger (or as I suspect strangers) and give them massages, for free, something he has never done for me haha (not that it would make things better).

The first thing that came to mind was that this is like that ashley site that men were caught cheating with other married people. But I go to that site he went to ( platonicmasage.com ) and I see no mention of affair or cheating and they claim it is free. For one I cannot understand why men would care to give someone a free massage if there is nothing more and as he claims not even nudity etc. Two, why would women care to get massages from people who are not trained.

I suspect there is more going on, I for one am so dizzy now I cannot even think right, I cannot share this with friends, and I cannot even look at him normal, he deleted all his messages on that site and I suspect he is hiding something major.

He claims he won't do it again (after I threatened to leave him and I am serious), but he still cannot admit there was anything wrong. He says he did not tell me about it because I would just fly into a jealous rage. The truth is the last thing on my mind is jealousy of that woman, no clue how he can think this is not a serious cheating type of thing even if there was no intimacy. The kicker? I ask him if he would be ok if I went on the site and met random men to give me free massages? He replies that he trusts me but doesn't trust the men! If not for my kids I would be gone already.

[Stillness]

I don't get it, but I heard about some site about a year or so ago where strangers get together and hug - strictly nonsexual. It sounds pretty weird, but people were using it. They'd meet up, hug, then part ways.

What does make it sound suspicious is the fact that he holds a double standard. It's okay for him, but not you. I hope it all works out for you

[Ashlee T.]

Eh. This gives me a super icky feeling. Red flags are going up big time. Sure, there are lots of fetishes out there and perhaps massaging a stranger is a fetish of his, even if it doesn't involve sex. BUT, his behavior towards you along with the double standard is nothing short of disrespectful. AND, having a fetish for something doesn't mean you must act on it, especially when you are married and would not want your spouse doing the same.

It sounds like there is more going on than this. What was the state of your marriage like before this discovery?

[rcoreyus]

That is really not OK, but I think its important to understand why he would do that. Do you have lots of non-sexual physical intimacy at home? Does he feel appreciated - one possible motivation for giving a massage is to have the recipient express appreciation / gratitude afterwards.