mother in law visit

[SPBrooklyn]

Hello, I would like thoughts on this please: I am scheduled to have a hip replacement and my husband wants his mom to come visit/help out with this. My husband and I have a fragile relationship and we came close to divorcing about a year and a half ago. Things got very ugly between us, and both families were affected. So I don't feel comfortable with his mom (we still get along but it's not the same). I absolutely dread having any houseguests because I am a very private person. I can't imagine having major surgery and coming home to someone staying there. I'm so stressed by the idea that it makes me want to cancel the surgery for fear that it will put even more strain on my marriage if I say no to his idea. But I really do need this surgery. I'm not sure what to do!

[Stillness]

Tell him?

[atskitty2]

You really must communicate with him and/or her. If the relationship is so strained that open communication on such a basic thing cannot be had, then seek out some good counseling.

Do you have a counselor that helped you through the difficult time before?

[amy40]

Brooklyn
do you have any friends or neighbors that could drive you to physical therapy?
would you husband be able to take a few vacation days off to help you after you leave hospital?

if you could set up those two things, then no need for MlL to come

[Popcorn&Candy]

You need to tell your husband you're unhappy with the idea of your MIL staying over. It is your home, too, and no one should feel uncomfortable and stressed out in their own home. Be honest with him and say you'll find an alternative solution. It isn't selfish to not want your MIL staying. I'm a private person myself and would be deeply unhappy about such a situation. Talk to your husband and tell him what you've told us. You don't need to worry about his reaction: he should understand and work with you.

[amy40]

say you'll find an alternative solution.

you can't drive yourself for weeks after said surgery, so husband probably saw MIL as best solution
it may take lots of coordination but OP could probably find various people to take her to physical therapy

Brooklyn , if you are still reading, have you found any helpers?