[MFortress]

I am new to the forum world, but my husband swears by them, so here we go.

So, I met my husband a little over 5 years ago at our place of work. He decided to quit and I thought I wouldn't ever see him again. But 3 years ago, he was re-hired and we ran into each other again. This is when we started hanging out together and really got to know each other.
We had a short month of hot visits and great sex. Although he had just gotten out of a serious relationship, we wanted to give it a shot. He soon realized that he didn't want anything too serious so I told him to go out, have his fun, and if he found himself wanting me, we would find each other again. (He went & he came back.)

We restarted a relationship with the typical dates, sneaking around, and passionate sex.

About 3 months into our re-connection, I bought my first home and we moved into it together. For the first 9 months to a year, I literally took care of him. He was a part time student and I worked full time. So he gave me what money he could for bills and I took care of almost all of it. I feel this was not all his fault, because I allowed it to happen. I wanted to take care of him because I was done having my heart broken and wanted to make sure I kept this one.
But the day came that I broke and told him enough was enough. He needed to get a job or we were done. It was way too stressful for me. Needless to say, he was working within the month.

So.......now we are 3 years later and married. Things financially are going well for us but there is one thing that has been lacking. My want to have sex.

Not sure what the problem is, not sure if i am holding onto past heartbreaks or just stressed out. But for some reason, I don't have the urge to have sex like he wants. On our honeymoon, the first week I was sick, but the second week i was craving him 2 -3 times a day!!!

As soon as we returned home, it all went away!!?? Why can't i have those cravings all the time?!? Is it my age, the stresses of daily life, what??
I am very attracted to my husband, i love him, I even think about him thoughtout my day and picture him laying in bed waiting for me. I think of different things that i could do for him and to him, but when i get home, it's like it all turns off?? It's like i am embarrassed to tell him what i am thinking. ?

Any guys out there......can you help with advice? Do I need something from him? Is there something I can do to show him I love him even when I don't want sex??
And not sure if this is relevant, but i went without sex for 6 years before him. I was reading something about your libido going down because of abstinence, but I think 3 years later it would be back up again??

HELP..........ADVICE PLEASE

[amy40]

since you've been married 3 years, have you been discussing having a family?
are you trying to become pregnant now?
do you have a stressful job?

[MFortress]

we've been together for 3 years, only been married for 3 months.
neither of us wants children, so I took care of that with surgery and he was very supportive.

my job is stressful sometimes, but I think allot of my stress comes when I get home. I'm a little OCD about the cleanliness of my home, but seems he doesn't want to help too much. He kind of disappears on his computer for allot of the time.

just lost.......

[Stillness]

Any guys? With the internet as it is, maybe you should be asking if there are any women. We could all be a bunch of hairy dudes in bathrobes in our mothers' basements. No, seriously, we're here. One of the mods is even a dude - goes by the name LL Cool jns.

Libido differences is one of the most common issues that brings people to the site. It was what brought me here. The help I got is also why I stayed. I highly recommend using the search feature. There are pages upon pages of discussion about it. Search stuff like "libido" and "sex drive."

[jns]

One of the mods is even a dude - goes by the name LL Cool jns.

Thanks for the plug, Stillness.

MFortress, What is the ratio between what you earn to what your husband earns? Have you two thought of getting a maid to come in to clean once or twice a week? With one person being a cleaner, that person will feel the other one isn't carrying their weight and the other one will feel that they are being required to put in unnecessary effort. That is not to say that he shouldn't put in some effort, he should, but it may not be good enough. There is no work ethic killer like being criticized after a good effort.

[amy40]

I even think about him thoughtout my day and picture him laying in bed waiting for me. I think of different things that i could do for him and to him, but when i get home, it's like it all turns off?? It's like i am embarrassed

do you each have personal cells? If so, text him (wouldn't use work phone; husband's work monitors theirs)

send him one saying you are picturing him waiting in bed for you as above
(or whatever you desire like a bath run for you just before you arrive)
I've been married for a while, husbands will respond to texts and anticipation gets in their heads, too

and don't look at the house when you get home but head to the bedroom
don't worry about being embarassed; I tell husband when I get embarassed in the bedroom as sometimes still do