[Gstrick]

Hi all
im a bloke, so i hope its ok me coming here for some much needed advice from some women who may understand this beyter than i do.
i have been with my partner for over 12 years and we have had 3 kids together. We are still not yet married but have set a date for 2019 for that.

our problem is that after 3 kids, her body has obviously changed, as most peoples would after the strain of of bringing kids to birth. She used to be slim, but now struggles to loose weight (she tries very hard though).
I love her no mater what she looks like. I love every inch of her, every minute of the day. I think she is the most beautiful woman on earth....

but she doesnt
she has real issues with her "body image" now. And its taking a toll on our relationship. She gets funny if i touch certain parts of her and it feels like we only have sex now because she knows that i want it occasionally... its become very non-intimate.

ive tried to talk to her, tell her that i love her body. Ive tried to treat her to weekend aways with just us.

but im.... well im just a bloke really. And i dont really know how i can get her to know that i love her no mater what.

like i want her to know that having an issue with something is fine (jeez we all have issues in one way or another), but that there is one person, me, that is totally cool with it. One less person in the world to feel insecure around.

does that make sense?

any advice is welcome.
thanks in advance

[Gstrick]

I just want to add that she is bloody beautiful and a wonderful mum, she just cant see it

[atskitty2]

Welcome to whf, I'm so glad you posted here for help.
I'm short on time now, but I'll comment more later.
Maybe some others will comment sooner.

[Gstrick]

Cheers

[jns]

I just want to add that she is bloody beautiful and a wonderful mum, she just cant see it

I think many women expect that their lover will grade them with the same harsh criteria that they grade themselves with after looking at fashion models. This is probably especially true if someone ever left them after saying that they weren't physically good enough. A guy who is truly in love will have his criteria change to be more like that of his lover.

[amy40]

ive tried to talk to her, tell her that i love her body.

this is hard especially for a women who used to be slim and then gaining weight with each pregnancy and seeing herself lose that "perfect" slim image of herself she once saw in the mirror

write her a love letter but don't say "I love you no matter what you look like" as that just points out to her that she doesn't look the same

instead write about all her good qualities as well as the things you notice her do for you and the kids (that are her little extra touches), really think about the qualities that make her special, her inner beauty
everyone has special qualities but we never hear them enough, or sometimes not enough to actually believe we make a difference to others

write it on nice paper, too for something she can keep and read again .....good luck

[amy40]

use details.......it's all about the details
that you notice the things she says and does out of love for you all

sometimes it's easier to give love to others and not ourselves
her body did amazing things by creating these 3 human beings, she should be applauding herself

tell her why you love her!

[Lithium]

I can relate a bit in some sort > I got more weight than expected after finishing my studies because I was depressed, frustrated... and my sex drive has fell since I didn't saw myself as "sexy" or desirable anymore. I was starting to use clothes to hide my body or just that mood of > any tshirt and jeans is enough. Was not looking in the mirror anymore, not caring anymore. And no matter how many times my partner would say that I was beautiful I would never believe that.

So, to help her, don't stop ensuring that you love her no matter what but... help her loose weight. Go with her to a gym, encourage her, don't be the kind of partner that shoves fat food and candies to the girls mouth. The worst nightmare for a girl ashamed of her body is to go shopping for clothes thinking they are too fat, ugly, undesirable to fit into some beautiful clothes so... make her face her nightmare, go shopping with her and tell her how the clothes fit and she looks beautiful on them. Make her face her doubts, fears standing always on her side, ensuring and ensuring how beautiful she is but > making her see it.

Even in sex, let her know how you like this and that about her.

A girl feeling ashamed of her body will get tired of the partner saying how beautiful she is but like it was recorded and replayed all the time... She will not listen anymore and might even get frustrated on it since it will seem like you have a record prepared to play whenever needed just because... So, for this to work you really need to say what you like, etc be more specific. Girls are complicated xD
Do like this>
- stay in mirror with her for her to see it if necessary, say how nice her hair is, how you think the red/blue/whatever shirt fits her so well, that she looks sexy when she stares you like that, etc etc etc

Sorry for long post

[Ashlee T.]

Great advice from Lithium. It's a vicious thing for us gals. Men usually seem SO confident about their bodies, no matter what their bodies look like. But for many of us ladies there is this insecurity, modesty, discomfort in revealing ourselves to someone else completely. I struggle with a tiny lower abdomen pooch. When I see pics of myself I think "I don't even see it!!!", but when I'm nakey........oh I see it, and I hate it. And I hate it even more when my bf touches it. OFF LIMITS ZONE during snuggle time because I don't want him to feel it when my stomach is all relaxed.

[Gstrick]

Thanks for all of your comments. Very useful advice.
i will reply to each of you later, right now im still at work.

but what stikes me most is that i just cant get my head around this body image thing. I just do not care what people think of MY image... you either like it or lump it. But then again, i have a very active job as a plumber so exercise is a non issue for me.

i just want her to love herself.

ill write a longer post later

thanks again