[Danielk499]

My name is Daniel, this is my first post. I've read several posts from years ago on this website. I apologize for the repetition. I'm concerned that I'm doing something wrong or that something else may be leading to this. My mind wanders and without confirmation makes it worse. Let me begin. I have recently been on an involuntary vacation from my job, so sleeping has become difficult. One night my now fiancee quietly says babe after 10 or 15 mins being in bed. I don't respond and lay awake and curious now. I hear her roll to her back and her legs start to move. I then hear her hands slip under the blankets and sound of panties and small shorts sliding on the sheets. Our sheets are 1500 thread count and stiff, sounds are very distinct. I then feel movements and hear sounds if a wet vagina being played with. As it goes on I move a little as if i were adjusting. As that happens I hear swift movements from the sheets as if a hand was speedily moving away from the action. I may there for over an hour as my SO takes longer to climax. When she has finished o hear the sliding of the clothing again. She then moves the blankets off and proceeds to the bathroom but I stopped her. I got up and held both get hands and she seemed like a deer in headlights. One hands fingers were soft like exposed to moisture, the other dry. I asked what she was doing but she stating nothing that she was sleeping. That night I let it go but now this has me wondering each night. As suspected each night forward same motion from the bed, sounds, breathing heavily towards the end, and finally a trip to the bathroom. I confronted her and it led to an argument. Complete denial even given all the facts. I do not know what to do or how to get the truth. It started as a turn on but now has me feeling inadequate. Any women done this before? I would like insight as to why if possible. If it has to remain a secret I'm going to lose my mind. I do not see masturbation as taboo but lying about it when I'm 3 feet away is giving me all kinds of red flags. Please any help will be greatly appreciated.

[atskitty2]

So you've read previous threads on this site on this topic?

How is your sex life together? And your relationship outside the bedroom?

[Danielk499]

I have but the suggestions in them I have already done based on my own thought. I'm the midst of it one night I popped up and said why can't I do it, she responded immediately as if awake. She proceeded to tell me she was sleeping but didn't even have the groggy sleep voice. Our sex life is great but the other day was told some things she does are only b/c I like them. I focus on her climax everytime but that statement didn't make me feel good. We had done it one day and that night she was at it and pulled the card, "why would I do that after today?" She has always been sexually active and had told me she handles herself in the shower. It's fine with me but the lying has got my mind I'm all types of places. Should I be concerned of cheating? I know she satisfying herself but could there be other sources of satisfaction. I've caught it 4 different nights and all denial. It seems to be a nightly thing as some nights I can't help but to fall straight asleep. I've had issues with self-esteem growing up a chubby kid and this type of situation is bringing the insecurity back out.

[Danielk499]

Another thing that leads my suspicion is when I speak of something that is absolutely wrong, she tells me no you're wrong and won't go into it. She comes to the other room after I step out and fights this one with all types of excuses. After 5 years you know when you're just accusing off dumb thoughts and when you're right based on the debate that follows

[atskitty2]

Maybe she is doing this to help her relax and sleep. It may very well have absolutely nothing to do with you or the relationship, since everything else is going well, except there seems to be some communication issues.

Have you asked if that's why she does it?

[jns]

As long as you two have a healthy sex life, I wouldn't worry about it. It is just something she does, like putting on makeup.

[Danielk499]

I greatly appreciate everyone's response. It has definitely put my mind and I better place. This is something I would not want to discuss with my direct family or friends. I have asked if it's to help her sleep, for thrill, or even an adiction. In all honesty she has caught me in omitted information type lies and she has thrown them back in my face long down the road. I believe at this point the denial is to avoid the embarrassment, and worry of petty "but you dids". At the end of the day I love her and if that's what she wants to do she can have at it. I just don't appreciate the lying and telling me I'm crazy. Thank you all again

[atskitty2]

Well, I do agree. Seems like some unhealthy communication going on here.

[Danielk499]

Bahhhh I'm losing it. As laying down for bed I bring up the other threads I read talking about position, movement, sound. I end on i would just like to be included. She states if I happen to get the urge I'll include you. Hour and a half I wake up and it's happening. She hears me move and the hand comes up. I try leaving the room but seems she sees that as an open opportunity to go for the gold. How as a man am I supposed to deal with this. I can't get a, yes it's what I'm doing. Can't be included, yet outside of this we are very sexually connected. I'm at a loss and it's really beginning to f*#$ with my head. Ideas?

[Danielk499]

Can some ladies elaborate as to why she would be so unwilling to just tell me the truth. I forgot to add as I walk back into the room after hearing vigorous thrusts it stops. I feel as though she wants to create a divide in our relationship, leaving me to blame for a seperation. She's said if this is what you think we dont need to be together so non shaulaunt, as though baiting me. Shencan be very manipulative at times which is why I'm lead to think this way.