[atskitty2]

So sorry that you are offended by that comment. In re-reading it, I do seem to imply that military are mindless and spineless in their work. That's not my opinion nor what I meant to convey there.

However, my point remains. Some jobs, we are just told to lie, cheat, whatever for the improvement of the company. Some folks are ok with doing so.

[Popcorn&Candy]

You're right, atskitty2: in some companies people are ordered/told to lie, usually to protect the company. And some employees are willing to do so. Corruption is rife. But that is the way it is. Still, keeping secrets is never comfortable [at least for me].

[amy40]

Do you lie to your spouse/partner? )

I'm an open book person & feel compelled to "confess" things to husband like if I think some man I saw is good-looking, lol


Ashlee T. , I can't stand being lied to at all! Since I was quiet for so many years, learned to observe others & can tell if someone lies to me with almost certainty.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I don't tend to lie as such: but I will tactfully tell the truth/bend the truth, so as to not hurt the other person's feelings. Sometimes you HAVE to be honest. Other times it is a bad idea. Tact, however, is always best. People don't need to be told they smell or that their haircut looks awful or that they look awful in that outfit. Again - being tactful - is key. Others don't always need to have things pointed out to them. Deep down, they must realize already themselves.

Lying/telling the truth is always subjective: whether in friendships/relationships/work colleagues/strangers/aquaintances. It really is a personal judgement. I have known very tactless people and they have hurt others feelings rather badly. Because they believe they should be honest. I can't change people like that, but wouldn't agree to be so tactless myself. Others are just rude, rather than honest. Again, it is subjective. But relationship-wise, being truthful when one's feelings are hurt or what I want, is the way I go.

[atskitty2]

Since I was quiet for so many years, learned to observe others & can tell if someone lies to me with almost certainty.

amy40 I'm curious how you can tell they're lying and know this with any degree of certainty?

[Alison H.]

I generally don’t lie about anything. That said, at times I will casually omit things that might be perceived as hurtful.

To give an example, if a friend is venting about some situation they had a hand in creating and are looking for advice or agreement, rather than say something about what I think they should have done (or tell them that I agree with what they did when I really don’t), I’ll skirt around it a bit to focus on what they should do NOW, rather than what was already done.

So not a lie, technically, as much as I am very carefully navigating what I say.

If someone is lying about something, I always try to understand why they did it — were they afraid to admit something, were they hiding something for some reason that might be valid in some way? People do the things they do for a reason and I always try to understand their motivations and reasoning before I make any kind of judgment or get mad about it.

Like amy40 I’m good at reading people and can usually tell when they’re not being genuine. That process is hard to explain… it’s a gut feeling, I suppose, that stems from having to get really good at reading people’s moods and intentions from a very young age. (To this day, I can feel a person’s energy the moment I enter a room. They don’t even have to open their mouths. It is a survival skill that kinda materialized from a rough childhood, I think.)

[atskitty2]

Alison H. I think many women have this intuitive sense about people and a sensitivity to subtle indicators of attitude, mood and character. I certainly have it, and it's changed as I've gotten older, to be more keen in ways, and less so in others. I think some men have it too, they just seem to be less tuned into that part of themselves.

I think it's important to remember that we can be wrong, and until we have evidence, to give people the benefit of the doubt. Our intuition can be misleading also, and I think it's good to temper this strong sense of knowing, with an ability to wait for proof before making up our mind what we believe. I've worked with my boss on/off for 8 years now, and she generally has a strong sense about people, but she's been wrong sometimes. She won't admit it, lol, and she's made some hasty decisions based on her ability to "read people". Our sense of someone can be clouded or influenced by many factors I think. Our intuitive abilities are not a pure, consistent state.

I think we're usually right, and depending on the scenario, it may be nothing more than our own knowledge of "the truth", yet other times, we can end up forming poor opinions based on what's essentially an assumption. I think I've been guilty of that. I've certainly misjudged or misread someone's character or words over the years.

[Alison H.]

I know what you mean. Mine has changed over the years as well and definitely gotten keener, likely just as a result of life experience.

Men do seem to be less in tune with that part of themselves (at least the ones I know) — even my own husband will think I’m upset about something when it’s just my RBF. It’s my face, I can’t help that. If I am not intentionally smiling or making the effort to curl my lips upward just a little bit (which I do in public to look more approachable), I look like an angry serial killer.

I’m sure people have misread me, as well.

But I agree, the benefit of the doubt is important because you never know when you’re having an off day or reading into something that isn’t actually there. “Most” of the time, I think we’re pretty right on the money, but I’ve been wrong a time or two…sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a not-so-good way.