[CollegeChic]

How can you tell if they're the one for you?

I asked the question to so many people when i was a teenager and they always told me "oh, you'll just know".

Well i met a man about a month ago, and we clicked instantly. He and i are all ready talking about marraige. His family is all for it. My family keeps saying that we don't know each other well enough, we haven't been together long enough to know for sure.

I've always respected the opinions and advice of my family, but i feel like they're wrong on this one, that they're just being over protective. But i'm also afraid that if he and I do what we want, what we feel is the right choice, that it's going to upset a few people in my family, a few people whom i'm very close to.

Do i still follow my heart? or listen to my family?

It's not that they don't like him, they just think we're rushing. We don't feel like we're hurring into anything, we just don't see the point in holding off on what we're ready for.

[Little]

A month is a short amount of time.
Disclaimer - I'm not married, but I have an ex-fiancé.
Unless he's going to war or something, nothing's going to hurt waiting a few more months at least. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, you save yourself a LOT of money ... a, on the wedding and b, on the divorce.
It's a lot harder to say "sorry, my bad" once rings, promises, and deposits are involved.

[impatientlywaiting]

All too familiar...

Wow this is sort of a flash back for me. When my fiance and I first got together I was 16, already we talked about getting married and the works only weeks into our relationship. 2 months after that i packed my stuff and moved 5 hours away from my family, and friends to be with him. We didn't stay long, it wasn't what we expected,we came home and a month later found out we were pregnant, so the wedding had to wait. We decided when when we had the baby to wait until she could be apart of it all and share our day.Here we are 3 years later, now we just found out we're expecting baby #2. So it looks like the wedding will have to wait awhile longer..lol...my point is it doesn't hurt to wait it out and see, worse case is you'll have a broken heart but at least your wallets intact..lol...


ps: a piece of advise I was giving by a highly respected teacher of mine was get a pen a paper make a list of all the little or big annoying things your partner does or faults they have can you deal with those things everyday for the rest of your life? and if you can't make a list you havn't been together long enough..

[anonymouswhitefemale]

A month is nothing. Your family is right, you don't know him well enough to commit the rest of your life to him. Personally, I would say don't marry someone for at least two years, that way you actually know what you're getting into. You're still in the honeymoon period of your relationship, how will things change once they get boring?

Rushing is something you will regret, there's no need for it anyway. Just let time tell where your relationship will take you.

[FionaDiaz]

My parents were engaged after 3 days of knowing each other... 3 weeks later they were living together and 3 months later they were married... they are going to celebrate their 30th this year (or next, I lost track)... however, they were 30 when they met.

If you are young, it could just be a 'puppy love' or whatever it's called.

It's not impossible for it to work, but I'll say that a month (to me) seems way too quick. I knew, from the moment I met my husband that I would marry him. However, I didn't talk to him about it.... EVER. He brought it up every time.

Marriage is not easy, you should enjoy dating for awhile before settling down into something so big.

[patricias213]

I got married after dating for 1 year and living together for 2.

1 month is a very short amount of time to make such a big decision.
Did you all have a first fight yet?
Im not saying this will happen to you but for some people when they rush into marriage in the long run when there spouse start doing different things that they dont like, then they regret and wished they waited longer to know this person better or even sometimes wished they never even got married.

[damd]

I think I agree with most here, a month is not enough time to get to know the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Age is a factor, if you're young I strongly suggest more time. Is moving in with each other first an option? If you two are truley meant to be with each other, waiting will not change that.

[CollegeChic]

Thank you

I'm 24 and he's 32. I've lived on my own since i was 18. It's not exactly if we're idealistic kids or something.

Also, he hasn't proposed yet, we've only been talking about it. Yes it's something we both want.

Thank you for your responses. Ya'll are right, a few more months isn't going to hurt anything.

[Inconsistent]

I'm 24 and he's 32. I've lived on my own since i was 18. It's not exactly if we're idealistic kids or something.

Also, he hasn't proposed yet, we've only been talking about it. Yes it's something we both want.

Thank you for your responses. Ya'll are right, a few more months isn't going to hurt anything.

Forget what people told you for a sec and ask yourself these questions.

Can you support yourself entirely? Can he support himself entirely (means no debt, no parental funding, stable jobs, etc)

If yes, then the worst that's gunna happen is a divorce.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Forget what people told you for a sec and ask yourself these questions.

Can you support yourself entirely? Can he support himself entirely (means no debt, no parental funding, stable jobs, etc)

If yes, then the worst that's gunna happen is a divorce.

You mean in addition to what people commented? lol..

Don't you believe in the now? How can you predict the future? ie) Divorce? Personally, if you are looking at that as being a possible scenario of a future, then you shouldn't get married at all.. As, your only focus there is, well if i am wrong, then we were equal in the money department so no issues there, just fill out the paperwork?

But, then on the other coin, marriage also is a whole lot better, if you don't struggle hugely and have to jump many a hurdle at the beginning as the stress takes away the laughter, fun and intimacy that otherwise would be had.... Now that in - deed may cause Divorce....

Just my opinion...

CW