4 years of marriage.
I feel like the second we got married my husband changed, Or I was deceived.
While dating we would get sexually intimate every single opportunity. I was so happy.
As soon as we got married, however, his interest stopped. I'm talking like 4 times a month. Now at 4 years...I'm lucky if once or twice a month.
This past 3 months he's been gone for work for 2 months of the time....I feel like there's no interest before he leaves, or comes back either anymore. We used to send cute, sexy texts to get eachother excited. I don't do it anymore because I know there's not going to be anything.
I honestly don't even try anymore. When I have in the past I always get rejected. Stomach ache usually...but all I see him doing is eating the foods that give him the upset stomach. Or he said he already did stuff earlier so he's satisfied.
I've definitely approached the subject and he says because he's a bigger guy he doesn't have as much testosterone. He doesn't feel attractive either. I try to make him feel sexy and attractive. I would do anything for him. I love my husband. I love the time we spend together. I even try to cuddle without expectations, which he does and seems to really enjoy. I've tried giving him space with no pressure, I've tried initiating, I've tried talking. The talking usually ends up with him saying he's sorry and that he'll try harder. I feel like the only way I get sex now is if I bug him. I don't want to be that baggy naggy wife. So I just do solo time and cry in the dark.
He isn't cheating on me, that much I know. I trust him.
I'm not happy. I'm getting fat now. I feel unloved, unwanted and like there's something wrong with me. I fear of the way things continue, I'm going to be divorced before 40.
We have a baby now, which I focus all my time on.
God I feel crazy. I think about sex more often then I'd like. I just want to stop thinking about it so I can be happy. I feel like if I could stop thinking about it I would be a million times happier.
I just feel like I'm ranting. I feel like a failure.
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