[Raina]

This is going to be a fun one to type.

So, currently me and Bear are 300 or so miles apart. I decided to visit my family for a few weeks when we came to pick up the car so he could go back to work. I am in Kentucky, he is currently in Virginia, the far side of it. I made him aware before he even left that I was going to miss the **** out of him. I am crazy over him. I love him. I don't get to talk to him very much throughout the day because of him being on calls, I'm okay with that because I could get a few minutes in before he goes to bed.

We, being both me, him and most of his family, play World of Warcraft. The game is not the issue. Its his lack of thoughtfullness (for the lack of a better word)

He had told me his sister in law, who is also his boss (we'll call Kat) was asking him to run her through some things in the game once he got home. I'm cool with that. WHAT I as not cool with was I was wanting to join in and was never informed when it was happening and I didn't know they were doing things ingame until AFTER they were done and everyone logged offline to go to bed. He didn't even say goodnight to me. Not a word to me. I try talk to him all day because I miss him, cant really do that due to call volume. Hes aware of how much I miss him and he forgets to tell me goodnight?

I txt him with "....." and his response is "Sowwy lol good night sweetheart .love u" Actual copy and paste. I was SO set off. So, I'm going to post the rest of the conversation:
Me: ......

Him: Sowwy lol good night sweetheart .love u
Me:Whatever
Bear
Thanks for showing me that you love me
Thanks for inviting me to the dungeons
Im thrilled to be missing the ****ing **** out of you
And you not show a **** interest on my part in the world
But hey, I can only assume you arent even reading these.
Guess I'll just take my lonely *** to bed.

Him: Why are u trying to make me feel like ****? I said I'm sorry

Me: I personally feel like you should deserve to feel that way
Im over here crying
You've no reason to stay up now that Kim went to bed? No reason to talk to your lonley GF
The GF that misses the **** out of her BF, the GF that would like to get in on the fun
But was never asked
Didnt know anything was going on until the recount was posted
But by all means, dont put in any effort to actually log onto Facebook to calm me down.

Him: Kitten I can't do this right now I'm tired and ur taking something so small and turning it into something big we did 1dungon because she had been asking me all day if I'm playing so I did 1 and I am dead tired I need sleep not arguments good night and I love u

Me: Dont tell me you love me
Just go to ****ing bed
You wouldn't have even realized you went to bed without saying goodnight if I hadnt of given you ....
So, in reality I feel like ****.

Him: OK mow ur really ****ing me the **** off I'm done Kitten goodnight I said sorry

Me: Watever
Thanks again, for making me feel unwanted Bear. Its an amazing feeling. Thanks again for making me feel unloved and unthought of.
I love hardly being able to chat with you all day because you are out on calls, I love missing you and not being able to spend some kind of time with you.
But, you're too ****ed off at me now because Im upset for being left out to care.
You really dont care do you?
Bear, I am seriously about to tell you to just keep the ****ing car and send you your **** back.
Bear, please ******. I need you to talk to me!


:End of Conversation:

I think I have temper issues. -_-

[jns]

Many times guys are not sensitive enough to how women see things. Raina, you are very normal. Bear has to learn to go the extra mile to keep your relationship on an even keel. Sometimes that means not getting as much sleep. He'll just have to learn to live with it. He will also have to learn to share almost everything with you, even to the point of not having for himself.

In his defense, when you were talking with him, you had been going over what happened for a while. He was coming in in the middle of a conversation. It is little wonder he didn't really know what you were talking about.

[Raina]

Many times guys are not sensitive enough to how women see things. Raina, you are very normal. Bear has to learn to go the extra mile to keep your relationship on an even keel. Sometimes that means not getting as much sleep. He'll just have to learn to live with it. He will also have to learn to share almost everything with you, even to the point of not having for himself.

In his defense, when you were talking with him, you had been going over what happened for a while. He was coming in in the middle of a conversation. It is little wonder he didn't really know what you were talking about.

You know now writing a letter and not sending has been told to help out with things like that? Well, I've written a letter and I've gone into some pretty deep detail as to whats going on in MY mind and how I feel things are going on in his mind. I want to send the letter. Lol.

[Raina]

I'd like to add he messaged me this morning and I was going to just distance myself for the day and see how he feels about not being able to talk to me and all, heres what happened:

Him: I'm sorry hun i needed to get some sleep I was dead tired

Me:What are you up to?

Him: I just woke up I am headed to md

Me: Oh

Him:Yea
Do where do we stand Bobbie?

Me: o-O Why do you ask?

Him: Don't play stupid Kitten i did get ur ignorant messages

Me: Thanks for calling them ignorant.
I was upset Bear.

Him: Because I didn't want to stay up and argue with u

:End of conversation:

And now hes just gone quiet.

[BabyGirl]

Raina, Sweetie.

Looks like Bear is doing the right thing here, Giving you time to calm down.

Now for the sake of fairness, Lets reverse this. Say you missed calling him or Texting him goodnight . Say you were helping a friend or family member and it got Late and you knew you were on Call and it was late .
Would you expect a Reaction from him, like the one you gave him ?

Would, after the Rant from him , would you expect to say, I'm sorry Honey Bear . And hope that he accepts it and Calms Down ?


*** People in Convo REVERSED.

YOU: Sowwy lol good night sweetheart .love u

HIM:Whatever
Kitten
Thanks for showing me that you love me
Thanks for inviting me to the dungeons
Im thrilled to be missing the ****ing **** out of you
And you not show a **** interest on my part in the world
But hey, I can only assume you arent even reading these.
Guess I'll just take my lonely *** to bed.

YOU: Why are u trying to make me feel like ****? I said I'm sorry

HIM :I personally feel like you should deserve to feel that way
Im over here crying
You've no reason to stay up now that Kat went to bed? No reason to talk to your lonley BF
The BF that misses the **** out of his GF, the BF that would like to get in on the fun
But was never asked
Didnt know anything was going on until the recount was posted
But by all means, dont put in any effort to actually log onto Facebook to calm me down.

YOU: Kitten, I can't do this right now I'm tired and ur taking something so small and turning it into something big we did 1dungon because she had been asking me all day if I'm playing so I did 1 and I am dead tired I need sleep not arguments good night and I love u

Bear: Dont tell me you love me
Just go to ****ing bed
You wouldn't have even realized you went to bed without saying goodnight if I hadnt of given you ....
So, in reality I feel like ****.

Him: OK mow ur really ****ing me the **** off I'm done Kitten goodnight I said sorry

HIM: Watever
Thanks again, for making me feel unwanted Kitten. Its an amazing feeling. Thanks again for making me feel unloved and unthought of.
I love hardly being able to chat with you all day because you are out on calls, I love missing you and not being able to spend some kind of time with you.
But, you're too ****ed off at me now because Im upset for being left out to care.
You really dont care do you?

HIM I am seriously about to tell you to just keep the ****ing car and send you your **** back.
Kitten, please ******. I need you to talk to me!

Now If this was Not You & Him and you Read this about some other Couple. What would you Honestly Think ? That the one all Upset, is going a bit Overboard, seeming , Needy, possibly Controlling ? Over a Missed Goodnight ?

Would you see that the one Person was trying to keep things calmed, Apologized and Hoped the other knew in their Heart how much they were Loved ?

Raina, I used to work for PTI, in Kentucky, drove Engineers and Brakemen, to different Trains for Swap and through 3 States, I was On CALL, sometimes less than 1/2 hour notice to pick up First Crew. Minimum, sleep at times, Couldn't say Goodbye to my kids that were Sleeping, sometimes didn't get to say Goodnight... Never knew if I would be home safe ( accidents or stuff Happen ) But I knew they Knew I Loved them .
Sure I would get on the Comp a bit to relax, and they lived with me.. It didn't mean I didn't love them , if I was on the comp for a while, as long as they were fed and taken Care of . See what I'm saying ?

You can Love and Miss the ***** out of someone, but that does not mean you are going to get a Hug & Kiss every Single Night . Look at the Military people, who Love and Pray, they can even get a Text Every Night. If they Don't, They Still know that love is there .

Now take a Big Breath, Read the Convo with you and Him , Non Reversed one .. LOL

Now, would you have been so upset, if he was teaching a Brother or Cousin that was a Male ? Is that a possible issue, that he was spending time and teaching a Female the game ? Which to you, would feel like he was " taking away his attention to You for another Woman , Albeit a Sis In Law " ?
He played the game later than thought, got tired, maybe was dead tired but kept a " Promise " to teach her ?

Sweetie, I'm in no way judging you, but trying to be Fair and Balanced here . If I were you, I would wait for him to contact you again, then I would apologize myself, for the misunderstanding, accept his again, as I am sure he will & then " Kiss & Make Up .

But in person would be best .

[Raina]

Raina, Sweetie.

Looks like Bear is doing the right thing here, Giving you time to calm down.

Now for the sake of fairness, Lets reverse this. Say you missed calling him or Texting him goodnight . Say you were helping a friend or family member and it got Late and you knew you were on Call and it was late .
Would you expect a Reaction from him, like the one you gave him ?

Would, after the Rant from him , would you expect to say, I'm sorry Honey Bear . And hope that he accepts it and Calms Down ?


*** People in Convo REVERSED.



Now If this was Not You & Him and you Read this about some other Couple. What would you Honestly Think ? That the one all Upset, is going a bit Overboard, seeming , Needy, possibly Controlling ? Over a Missed Goodnight ?

Would you see that the one Person was trying to keep things calmed, Apologized and Hoped the other knew in their Heart how much they were Loved ?

Raina, I used to work for PTI, in Kentucky, drove Engineers and Brakemen, to different Trains for Swap and through 3 States, I was On CALL, sometimes less than 1/2 hour notice to pick up First Crew. Minimum, sleep at times, Couldn't say Goodbye to my kids that were Sleeping, sometimes didn't get to say Goodnight... Never knew if I would be home safe ( accidents or stuff Happen ) But I knew they Knew I Loved them .
Sure I would get on the Comp a bit to relax, and they lived with me.. It didn't mean I didn't love them , if I was on the comp for a while, as long as they were fed and taken Care of . See what I'm saying ?

You can Love and Miss the ***** out of someone, but that does not mean you are going to get a Hug & Kiss every Single Night . Look at the Military people, who Love and Pray, they can even get a Text Every Night. If they Don't, They Still know that love is there .

Now take a Big Breath, Read the Convo with you and Him , Non Reversed one .. LOL

Now, would you have been so upset, if he was teaching a Brother or Cousin that was a Male ? Is that a possible issue, that he was spending time and teaching a Female the game ? Which to you, would feel like he was " taking away his attention to You for another Woman , Albeit a Sis In Law " ?
He played the game later than thought, got tired, maybe was dead tired but kept a " Promise " to teach her ?

Sweetie, I'm in no way judging you, but trying to be Fair and Balanced here . If I were you, I would wait for him to contact you again, then I would apologize myself, for the misunderstanding, accept his again, as I am sure he will & then " Kiss & Make Up .

But in person would be best .

I admit I can get jealous of Kat, but not in the way I am used to being jealous of a woman. Kat is his sister's life partner and she views him as a son and he views her as a MaD (Mother and Dad as he tells me) and I get jealous over how much more respect she gets from him than I do, how much he constantly wants to be by her side (literally, he'll ask her to come help him fetch a lighter or something from the car). I'm used to getting jealous over someone who can take away the person I love for themselves, or the woman getting called a little nick-name only meant for me or something, or an un-necessary comment about the womans appearance kind of thing. He explained to me today why he didn't ask and I explained to him, calmly, what set me off and why in a way for him to understand so we settled it just fine. He used to give me all I needed in a relationship (love, affection, and other mushy things that makes me bubbly inside) and due to work stress I've lost a good majority of that and its just annoying to see the attention I used to get (pre-work stress) being given to someone else but if I ask as to why I don't get that kind of attention anymore I'm told its work thats making him lack in that area.

I understand that his work is stressful, but I find it a little odd that he tells me "You arent getting love and (that other ****) because work is stressing me out" and I see him not having an issue showing it to others. ><

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He's not giving it anyone else persay.. It's also his boss. He could admire her and want to be like her one day, a boss... He could also see her a a Mother figure a better one, and admire that.

There are always going to be other women in your mans life, hun.. If you feel that he's neglecting you and you need alot of attention, firstly ask yourself why you need that, why you can't stand on your own two feet and not be so needy and secondly what maybe he used to do that you really loved, and tell him about that, tell him that you still need those little things in your relationship.

Getting mad, swearing, and asking for pitty as you can see, is doing nothing...

And, getting mad over him (as he is not even around), playing one game of WarCraft which I believe is sooooo addictive, is silly... You didn't catch him on a dating site

Don't send the letter. Learn to speak but rationally and not dictating or threatening or accusing... But, with a smile, meaningfully and with your thoughts of needs, little ones because you have to also be independent.. Bear may not be around one day and then what?

[Hopeless Dork]

Did you overreact? Yes. Did he handle the situation as good as he could of (regarding, saying goodnight, inviting you to the game, etc) No. Did he handle your tirade appropriately? I think so. If he was exhausted and had to be up in the morning, there was no point in him fighting a losing text battle. You were mad, you were going to be mad, no amount of sorry was going to put a bandaid on it and he knew that. Likely from other arguments of a similiar nature. Is it wrong for him to not take your anger seriously? That depends on how often these outbursts occur. If they are even semi-frequent, he'd have every reason to think you were going to stomp around until you got overit and decided he wasn't going to lose sleep over it. Is he wrong for that?

Sounds like he isn't attending to your emotional needs on this distance, but perhaps you need to reassess if he is even able to meet the expectations you are setting. If you don't see anything unreasonable in what you are asking (personally I don't, I think saying good night before bed on a distance is the leasssssssst he could do, its free, its not hard and its a way to keep you happy and make you feel good, its a no brainer), then you just need to talk to him about that. Because thats the real issue, missing him and feeling like he isn't missing you as much as you are epically is. He may be missing you equally, and handling it differnt.

[Ashlee T.]

Just because he is away, and you miss him as I'm sure he misses you, does not mean he should be punished in the sense that he cannot do anything with anyone else, or play 1 game with someone else (someone who is clearly no threat to you) simply because you're not around for him to put first. I can totally see having feelings hurt if he didn't call or text like he normally did at night. I can totally get that. But all the things you said about him making you feel unwanted etc? It's just kind of like he's not allowed to do anything that doesn't involve you. I'm sure that's not the message you are intended to convey to him...but it is most likely the message conveyed.

Missing someone you love who is away is normal. But there should be some comfort in love.....a feeling of peace and assurance that even though you are apart it is temporary and you are merely separated by miles. Where is that comfort? Instead, you attack like a wild boar (go ahead...smack me...haha) at the first little slip up. So why? Why the insecurity? I know you love him........but do you love you, by yourself or are you depending on this man to make you feel good, to give you self worth? If so, you're setting him up to fail.

He should've contacted you before bed. No reason for him not to. It was thoughtless, but that's as far as it goes. And that's as far as it should have gone.

[Raina]

Me missing him may end up getting worse now. He informed me tonight that he received a letter in the mail saying hes going to be drafted or something. His Ex signed him up 2 years ago and the letter continues to say that someone will contact him. I don't want him to gooooo, lol.