[PeterS]

My partner of 18 months recently asked me a question that has caused me much distress and anxiety - it’s also killed our amazing sex life and is now killing our relationship. Early on in our relationship my partner told me she was reaching orgasm with me and our sex was amazing and she had told her friends I had made her come after not experiencing orgasms for many years.

A few months later she admitted she had lied the whole time and she hadn’t orgasmed at all.

As a guy with a little bit of experience in the area - I was dubious either way, but accepted the situation, and supported my partner in it. She continued to tell me how amazing the sex was regardless ..
So you can probably understand how I just can’t reconcile what happened next …

Recently - about 2 months ago, my partner started orgasming for real - no doubt about it! This brought us closer together and the sex was even more intimate than ever
She was coming multiple times with high regularity
Then all of a sudden she stopped and told me she only wanted to come “once every few weeks”

Then, a few weeks ago after some amazing sex, my partner asks me
”Do you think another man could make me orgasm?”

Fair to say things haven’t been the same since
Any suggestions!?

[jns]

My partner of 18 months recently asked me a question that has caused me much distress and anxiety - it’s also killed our amazing sex life and is now killing our relationship. Early on in our relationship my partner told me she was reaching orgasm with me and our sex was amazing and she had told her friends I had made her come after not experiencing orgasms for many years.

A few months later she admitted she had lied the whole time and she hadn’t orgasmed at all.

As a guy with a little bit of experience in the area - I was dubious either way, but accepted the situation, and supported my partner in it. She continued to tell me how amazing the sex was regardless ..
So you can probably understand how I just can’t reconcile what happened next …

Recently - about 2 months ago, my partner started orgasming for real - no doubt about it! This brought us closer together and the sex was even more intimate than ever
She was coming multiple times with high regularity
Then all of a sudden she stopped and told me she only wanted to come “once every few weeks”

Then, a few weeks ago after some amazing sex, my partner asks me
”Do you think another man could make me orgasm?”

Fair to say things haven’t been the same since
Any suggestions!?

I don't have a good suggestion to give you. From what you have said, I'm not sure of the level of a relationship you have with her. Everything that is said is about sex and intimacy but nothing is said about love or commitment. I am not criticizing anything. Maybe the relationship has changed from what it was originally. If that is the case, some in depth talking about what each of you want out of the relationship may be what is necessary. To me it sounds like she wants to explore more now she has confidence in reaching orgasm. Although she lied before and admitted to it, she sounds like she is being more honest and open now. The every few weeks timing may be because she wants to stay in control as much as possible. It could also be that the multiple orgasms are too draining or she likes the orgasms better that she gets from not having them for a while.

[PeterS]

Thank you. i care for her deeply, and we are working on building a blended family and have talked at length about how our future looks

We were good friends for 3 years prior to becoming intimate

She says she is madly in love with me and believes I’m her soul mate, but I’m beginning to feel that this is just lip service

I think the question she asked was the ultimate in disrespect and indicates some sort of web of past traumas that have not been dealt with?

I have tried to talk to her about it but she deflects and says I’m being over sensitive

To me, it’s a form of cheating

[Wednesday L.F.]

You think her wondering if she could orgasm with another man is a “form of cheating?” Cheating is a touchy subject as faithfulness means different things to different people. If you’ve never considered what it might be like to have sex with someone you weren’t in a relationship with, it’s reasonable for you to think she shouldn’t either. Otherwise, you might want to brace yourself for the idea that humans think about plenty of sex things they have no intention of doing.

If you can’t get where you need to be through honest talk (outside the bedroom when the oxytocin is absent) then counseling is a good next step.

as to why she wants to restrict or reduce intimacy, there are scores of physical and emotional reasons that could be. She might not even know.