[24glenda]

hello well i have this problem with my husband...do u think is right for him to play his game world of warcraft tue,wed,thur,sun from 8pm to 3 am in the morning and the rest of the days 2 hours??i dont know what to do? i just think i should walk out of this marrige beacuse i tried so many ways of begging him to stop and he wont consider it..see if i leave i wont have nothing my parents wont support me they r old generation they think couples should stay toghether at all times...where would i go..thats my problem i dont work dont go to school..and im 19 years old..the only person that i think will help me is my in laws..im confused..should i leave him and tell him that if he does not stop playing at night i wont be with him...?i actually told him that and he tells me to Leave he dosent care.im so down Ladies he tells me so many horrible things but i never respond with nasty comments because if i leave him i dont want him to feel guilty.at least i want to try and save our marrige and when i leave i can say i tried..Right! so ladies please help me...


does anybody know how to check up the web sites they go to?i have ask him but he said he wont show me..i heard that u can actually see what times they go to a web site?is that possible?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

World of Warcraft, and other MMORPGS (massive multiplayer online role playing games) are insanely addictive, easy as much as cigarettes haha. I've seen many people waste far too much of their lives on these things... In fact I didn't even play one for years after they were out (and I was quite a gamer), simply because I knew how addictive they can be and I knew I'd be enslaved. At one point about a year ago, I was bored and unemployed, and I just thought, why not give it a go. Whilst I have since stopped, I certainly wasted far too much time on it, often playing for 6 or more hours a day.

Now, the reasons for why this is addictive. Basically, RPGs offer constant rewards, mimicking the feeling that you are actually achieving something, you'll (your character) always gets a little bit bitter, and you always want them to be that little bit better. Alongside this action/reward structure, you also get to meet lots of people, and wind up interacting with them - so if you don't have much of a social life you will find yourself with a group of friends from all over the world, discussing your life, issues, politics, philosophy, obviously the game, etc etc (I was in a guild of pretty hawt ladies). So it can make it feel like you're not totally wasting your time because you are participating with other people. However, these people ironically cause you to waste more time, because you will want to be at the same level as the other people, if they accelerate and leave you in the dust you'll almost have to start over meeting people and such.

When I decided to stop playing, it was because I realised that I was flying around on my silly magic sword for hours, collecting ingredients for the possibility of being able to get one of many items that I'd need so that my weapon would be green instead of blue and do slightly more damage. I suddenly realised how utterly futile the whole thing was, and I pretty much quit there and then.

OK then, to continue this essay - addictions are difficult to treat from the outside - the addicted person has to want to change or no progress will be made. You're attacking him about what he's doing will just make him defensive, and beligerant. Issuing ultimatums leads to their stubborness saying "fine, if you feel the need to be that controlling, close the door on your way out". Later on, he will probably realise that he threw away one of the best things that happened for him for a game - but it will be later on, not when you issue the ultimatum.

As for finding out what he does on the web, I refuse to help you find out, as I believe that spying and intruding on privacy will only ever make matters worse than they are, and essentially I believe in personal freedom to the utmost extent.


Also, I don't believe that your security should be a reason to stay in a relationship you would otherwise have walked from. If you don't think you're relationship is working, don't keep watching rubbish daytime television and living a loveless marriage, get a job and get your own place, you will both be happier for it.

But yeah, try to understand the demon that you're fighting a bit better, it's not necessarily your husband, it's the game, and it's something that many, many couples struggle with.

[jacun]

understand completely

I bought the WOW game for my husband for Christmas in 06. Worst mistake ever. Gradually all of his time was spent downstairs playing. My other post kind of explain it more. Anyway we are here 2 years later and it just got worse. I would beg him to hang out with me. Fall asleep with me anything. He ended up meeting a "friend" who is in another state. And came to me tellling me how unhappy he has been and how she understands him in ways that I don't. To end a long story he moved out almost 4 weeks ago to his moms house. Here is the funny part....HE TOOK THE COMPUTER with him. I had to buy a new one for our kids. WTF is that??? I really feel your pain he choose that over us and we have been together for 14yrs total. I have found so many other people who are in the same "virtual" boat.

[jacun]

oh ya and I tried, there isn't anyway to find out what is going on. Privacy act. or something like that. I can't say what to do with your marriage but I wish I would have done something a year ago when I realized this was so . He is still so into it and his comments to me have only gotten worse. I don't know how much self esteem I have left but I am using it to pull myself up and move on. When he comes around (however long that takes) I don't want to be vulnerable to him. I want to be at a sure place of saying No. I am better off now. Even though at the moment that is a huge step I am taking baby steps to get there. Try to find a way to get an education. That is one of my comforts in all of this. I have something to fall back on.

[Little]

If at all possible:
Find his password.
Change it.
Don't let him find it out.
CHANGE THE PARENTAL CONTROLS.

Think of it like an addicted drinker; he's lost his ability to say no. I play WoW and I am not/don't think I'm addicted.
Another idea:
Delete the financial information on the website.
Max out/Cancel the credit card he's using to pay.
Cancel his subscription.

He's got to reach level 70 at some point, but then the expansion will leave you in shambles again.
As for checking his websites, he's probably got it automatically erasing, but look for the "history" tab on the browser. Good luck.

[damd]

I, like AWF, have been addicted to online games. AWF gives good insight to the addiction. I do not agree with Little here as I fear it will make things worse. I can only suggest making arangements to do things together and weanhim off of it. Get him to do other things and carefully suggest how the gratification from the game is supperficial and ultimatley not important. You guys are young, go out on you free time. Is he getting things done around the house? Set him up a schedule of chores and what not.
I hope the best for you, good luck

[rcoreyus]

I'm going to disagree with this one (though I generally do agree with Little).

Preventing him from playing will likely make him furious - and he will find some other way. He does sound addicted - and getting between an addict and his drug is a very risky. He is likely to see you as the problem (controlling, etc), and focus on that rather than his own problem.

As far as checking histories - he is addicted to something on the computer, does it really matter what. If he finds out you have been snooping (and if he is clever he can), he is likely to get angry and blame you, rather than face his problem.

If at all possible:
Find his password.
Change it.
Don't let him find it out.
CHANGE THE PARENTAL CONTROLS.

Think of it like an addicted drinker; he's lost his ability to say no. I play WoW and I am not/don't think I'm addicted.
Another idea:
Delete the financial information on the website.
Max out/Cancel the credit card he's using to pay.
Cancel his subscription.

He's got to reach level 70 at some point, but then the expansion will leave you in shambles again.
As for checking his websites, he's probably got it automatically erasing, but look for the "history" tab on the browser. Good luck.

[free spirit]

Get a job. Make some friends of your own. Save your money. Move out and make a new life for yourself. You are too young to stay in this kind of situation.

[24glenda]

update

well this friday i ask his parents for help bacause i could not deal with it no more..they actually told him alot of stuf and know he is mad at me he wont talk to me he insults me when i talk to him because they oblibliquated him to take the computer apart so he wont play no more know its been a week and he hasent played at all and he is all moody with me.i tried so may thing to kkep him occupied like taking his son to the park or to the store for some errands.but he just mean to me..so im hanging on because i want to see if he can change and save my marrige..so if any advice on what should be my next step? oh i also tried on taking im to a sycologist and he said that he dose not need it beacause he is not addictive to it..so ill keep updating

[jacun]

There is this other group that I am apart of. The address is [link removed by moderator] There are a lot of stories their from people and how addictive that game is. I can not stand it. It is a huge reason that my marriage is where it is now. I don't know if you mentioned having kids or not but its an awful life to live. And they do get angry when they can't play. Its mind blowing how significant the game can be. I am so sorry you are going through this. The only thing I can say is do what feels right and take it day by day.