[DEVASTATED]

Ive just found out that my husband of 20 years fathered a child with another women
im just so angry ive always loved him and been there for him ,i feel betrayed should
i end my marriage or stay and fight?

[ChelseaRenee]

It's easy for me to say leave that disgusting, piece of pig. And in all honesty, you should. But you have a past with him, and 20 years is a long time, so you know what? You won't leave. Women never do, for whatever reason. So many of us have such low self esteem. But remember this. The man who did this? Doesn't love you like he always told you he did. I'm sorry to be so painfully blunt, but no matter how much pleading, begging, "I love you's" are thrown around right now, did he love you while he was screwing the other woman (or women) God knows how many times while you sat at home cooking him a nice meal? Cleaning? Working? Yeah, I don't think so.

I'd take it as a total loss and start fresh. Tell him if he wanted to be with that other woman so bad that it was worth breaking your heart and ruining your life, that here's his big chance, and tell him to go to her.

I'm so sorry, honey. You deserve so much more.

[Joy]

i hope you find peace in your day

no doubt you are mad and feel betrayed those are both healthy first responses. I can't say i would feel any different if in the same situation. Should you stay and fight or should you leave.....

How old is the other child? Do you have children? How did you find this information out? How did your husband react when confronted by the fact you know he has another child. Are you the type of people who seek healing in any given situation?

How far does this betrayal go? Has he financially been supporting this child behind your back for how ever old this child is?

Have you had a wonderful life with your husband up till this point or have you had a rollercoaster life full of hurt and little joy with this man?

If you have had a wonderful life (with the normal ups and downs) and are willing to forgive and understand this situation then stay. If at every point in the road he is and always making the wrong choice in life then well leave cause you deserve to have a good life.

After 20 years atleast hear his side of this omittance of great importance cause if you decide to leave it may be the closure you need.

I hope you find peace in your day

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chances are, he didn't want to be a Father again and is not in love with this lady.

I don't know how you found out, ie) through him or someone else but that makes a bit of a difference with regards to his feelings and thoughts on the matter, if he has been able to talk to you about it.

Twenty years is a long time, and you two can still work through this, fighting for him is not an answer, you shouldn't have to fight for him, he was yours to start with but i know what you mean.

It's hard to talk rationally with someone especially when you are so hurt, and rightly so, what he did was wrong.

But, you need to sit down with him and talk to him about the woman, how he feels, ask him what he felt was missing as to why he strayed, what he thinks about the relationship now with his new child and that child's mother, does he want to see them lots, or be in his child's life only, lots of questions will come to you and the bottom line is, you need all of those answers to ascertain how you feel, or else there will be no closure regardless of what decision you make as to what you should do now.

Trust for sure will be gone... But find out everything about why, the present and the future so you get a clear picture of all of this first.

Take care.

CW

[Fire(m)]

When did he father the child? 25 years ago? Recently? Did he know he fathered the child and he kept it from you or did he just find out himself?
Sorry you're in this awful position...hopefully we can help.