[genasims]

Need some advice. My husband moved out April 20th. We have been going thru some problemsprior because he had cheated he said one time with a girl who we both new. She was always in love with him. I went to laughlin with some girlfriends of mine. He said if I went he would move out. little history. Last july he said if I went on a cruise that I was the maid of honor for he would do the same. Trip was paid for already but I chose my family of course instead. Married for 20 years with three children, 19,16,11. We have a beautiful home that we have been in for 11 years. He has not made a house payment, or any payments since the move. Even though I want this to work out I had to take him to court for a legal separation. That was the advice of my pastor. My husband wants me to walk away from the house also and move in with him to a 3 bedroom apt, he says it shouldn't matter where we live , if I love him we can live in a card board box. I took him to court because of money. 20 years he moves out and takes all the money and gives me nothing almost forcing me to have to move there to an apt. We are upside down in the house so I can't sell it. I can't make the payment with the support that the courts gave me. We were getting along again just fine last week until my lawyer subpoena his job for proof of salary. He called me up and yelled and said a lot of hurtful things. He is a born again Christian which he goes to Revival almost 4 times a week. This is what is so confusing to me. Doesn't the Church say to love your wife, family first. He has showed no desire to me to want this marriage to work but yet wants me to go live there. Even when I found out about the affair two years ago he not once tried to make it any better. That girl was also married. Now, my daughter told me that he brought a co-worker lunch on friday. He lied to her when she asked who it was for. When she went upstairs at his work she was eating it. Then on Sunday she overheard a conversation, he invited himself over to her house for dinner. My daughter said her response was I am already in my p.js and my hair is up in a pony tail. Please help me. When I told him about this he said he is doing nothing wrong and that it was a joke? I guess the joke was let me see if she says yes . Would he have taken my daughter to her house? Making my daughter lie to me? Is it ok bringing co-workers food when your not even scheduled . 20 years is a long time and I do really love this man, but get nothing in return.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

genasism
We have a beautiful home that we have been in for 11 years. He has not made a house payment, or any payments since the move

genasism
20 years he moves out and takes all the money and gives me nothing almost forcing me to have to move there to an apt.

Just a tad confused. Are you suggesting, (affairs aside) that he never paid the Mortgage payments over those 11 years, or since April, this year..

CW

[damd]

... Even though I want this to work out I had to take him to court for a legal separation. That was the advice of my pastor...
... We were getting along again just fine last week until my lawyer subpoena his job for proof of salary. He called me up and yelled and said a lot of hurtful things. He is a born again Christian which he goes to Revival almost 4 times a week. This is what is so confusing to me. Doesn't the Church say to love your wife, family first. He has showed no desire to me to want this marriage to work but yet wants me to go live there....

Family and friends are a great source of support, start looking there. If you find comfort in your faith look there as well, however, christian doctrine has it's own agenda. But your pastor seems to have your best interest in mind.

Was there a discrepency in how much he makes and how much you believed he makes? I also fail to see how you are upside down in a house that you have been in for 11 yrs.

Just because he is a church going individual does not mean he is not a hypocrite. The biggest examples of hypocrites I know of are so called chirstians.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I will wish you the best.

[genasims]

Just a tad confused. Are you suggesting, (affairs aside) that he never paid the Mortgage payments over those 11 years, or since April, this year..

CW

Since April. Which lead me to file for a legal separation

[genasims]

[He had me take out a 2nd on our home a year and a half ago. Making a 2300.00 payment to 3500.00.

[damd]

Does he have a gambling problem? An extravegant spender?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

[He had me take out a 2nd on our home a year and a half ago. Making a 2300.00 payment to 3500.00.

I think personally, he has no regard what so ever for you..

I'm sorry, but he shows signs on-going of being controlling.

Go on the trip, and I'll leave you. That's control.
Move in with me, I'm not paying any Mortgage payments, control.

He has dug holes for himself and he can't get out of them, ie) affairs, and finances, no regard for his family/children or wife.

He invited your daughter to another Woman's House? All the while not paying you a cent, making you choose to "lose" the house of 11 years, and move to an apartment where he'll probably cheat again, make you take another loan out as he's wasted some money a couple of years later and upset your kids, as they see this side of him again.

I know you love him and I'm sorry but you may have been in love with the guy you met, but this guy has no morals, respect for you or his children and will certainly by all his actions shown to date, continue cheating.

Find a way to keep you home if you can, keep going with the separation monies and fight for that, and let him has his cheating ways, you deserve better, your not too old and the kids will be happier than that type of love that his is offering, which is nil.

Sorry...

That's my Opinion .

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Does he have a gambling problem? An extravegant spender?

Sorry Damd posted at the same time. But a good question if you feel like answering as to why he took out this loan? As you are not saying "we took out the loan for us" rather "he made you"...

CW