[lola2815]

Ok here's my story and i hope someone can offer some advice....I have been married to my husband for 10 years and we have a 9 year old son. i've know this man since i was 17 and have loved him ever since. we've always had an intense relationship but love always came easy for us...we've had our ups and dows and have separated a couple times over the years. Our recent separation was last year. my husbands depression has been an issue for a long time and he has a habit of shutting me out and our son which makes communication a problem. it had gotten so bad that i wanted out and filed for divorce. in april of this year my husband and i started to talk more and in june he moved back in. however i found out that he has started a sexual relationship with another woman in late march/early april and continued it after he and i reconciled. he says he ended things with her and i believe him but i am just so hurt that he would continue having sex with her and then come home to me during a time when we should be focusing on how we can improve our relationship. he would lie and tell me he was going to go study ( he is in law school) but in reality he was with her. he even lied about going to his evening class. he was told me he was going to class but in reality the class ended weeks ago. he was with her. it has been devastating because here i am taking this reconciliation seriously and he is out with some other woman. he says he is sorry..he says he loves me and that he doesnt want to leave but i am just so hurt. he cheated on me years ago and i guess now that he has done it again i wonder if he'll ever be faithful to me. he says that he started seeing her because he was lonely and thought that we were never going to get back together which i can understand ( don't like it but understand) but the fact that he continued to see her after we got back together makes me so angry. i feel like he put our marriage, our family and my health at risk by being with another woman. i know he loves me and wants this to work but i don't trust him at all. and i know that if i stayed in the marriage he would always wonder if i were out cheating on him to get him back for what he did to me ( i'd never do something that immature). what do i do? i don't want to divorce him because we just got back together and i was looking forward to working on our marriage but now that i know he's been unfaithful i just don't know what to do...

[Guest]

me personally there is no forgiveness for that...he should not of been sleeping with the both of you at the same time while trying to fix your marriage...it's not like he was just your boyfriend and u guys split up for a lil while and got back 2gether...this is your husband... and the father of your child...and after all he does have a track record so it's up to you... but if you cant forgive him it defenitely will not work... Good Luck...but really it's been 2 times now he has does this to you...are you going to wait for a 3rd time??????

[Joy]

Depression hurts an entire family and i can see if the communication went south that he had to go. I think it was really unfair and selfish to continue the relationship after you too had decided to reconcile. The question is can you forgive him? I know if i were in your shoes i would be angry about all the lies and would seek professional help.

good luck

[lola2815]

yeah i have been wondering what happens if he gets lonely or his depession gets out of control...will he go out and cheat again? i don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if he really is where is says he is going to be or if he is lying....trust is just out the window...and this comes at a really bad time because i was laid off in june so i have been struggling with that and trying to stay afloat financially. his stepfather who he was really close to passed away in june as well so it's been hard for him too but i don't want to worry that the next time something bad happens in our lives that he'll just go out and be with someone else... i was lonely too but i didn't go cheat (what, with work, grad school, our son and managing a household when would i have had the time?).....but what's interesting is how strong a woman's intuition can be. i really just had a very strong feeling he was up to no good...i had no real proof he was cheating...there were some things that just didn't add up and i eventually caught him a few lies but i still had no proof...but i knew deep down he was unfaithful.....