[withered_rose]

hey everyone,
my Fiance and I are thinking about eloping, I am 20 and he is 26. We have been together for 2 years now and we are seriously considering eloping. I just was wondering what every one's oppinion on this one is, because i know that everyone has different views on this particular subject. The reason that we want to elope however is not to run off and get married and not let anyone know, its because of financial reasons. a wedding for us would be extremely costly and right now neither one of us can afford it, much let alone our parents.... We have a very stable relationship and are going to be moving in in the next few months although we practiacally live together now. ( just figured i would fill everyone in on the details). thanks in advance.
cheers

[sourpuss]

Eloping sounds like a great idea. The wedding industry is out of control these days. My advice would be elope and when you get back have a get together with your friends and family to celebrate.

congratulations

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I'd say it depends on how you feel. If you don't want and/or can't afford a big do, then don't have one. Depending on how understanding your immediate family is, I would recommend taking them with you to the registry office, taking your vows, and having a dinner with each of your respective families to celebrate. That gives them the celebration they want (ish) without allowing them to feel resentful about being left in the dark.

My personal opinion would be - why bother getting married at all, unless it's for financial reasons?

[withered_rose]

Thanks guys i like both of your ideas, it's been an idea that we have been tossing around for a little while, it's just that my mother mostly seeing as how i am her only daughter, would like a rather large wedding, me on the other hand it's not something i would like to do, and neither does my fiance. I just dont know how to go about doing this without my parents getting too upset with me..... so we will see.

[rcoreyus]

Please don't feed the wedding industry. You can spend a tremendous amount of money and still feel like you are being cheap (what you don't want to pay for ice sculptures with sherbet at each table for ONLY $25 more per person?). Before a big wedding you start to feel like you are preparing for a space launch (Houston, we have T-minus 3 days, verify flower vendor has coordinated delivery location with hotel).

Have a tiny wedding (My wife and I managed for $150 total and everyone had a great time - sandwiches on picnic tables in the park). My parents were married by a justice of the peace, and stayed married until my mom passed away almost 50 years later.

Then, either save the money you would have spent on a wedding - or if you can afford it go on a fantastic honeymoon. Can you imagine the fantastic week or 2 you could have for the cost of a typical wedding.

Your friends won't really enjoy a big wedding - will mostly go out of a sense of duty. You will be too busy, and may turn into bridezilla.

Hmm, from this you might get the idea I don't think much of weddings. But just get me started on funerals.

[sourpuss]

If you give in and have a wedding just to please your mother be prepared for the inevitable when it turns in to her wedding.

[withered_rose]

making it HER wedding is the last thing that I want, and with this I am not giving in at all her and my father both are invited, if they choose not to come then it is their own fault that they didnt see their only daughter get married. I mean it's more cost effective and where I am located friends and family are more than welcome to come and watch the ceremony. I just dont understand the problem with it, I guess it could be that justice of the peace has always been associated with marriages that were not condonned in the first place..... who knows..... But i do know that i am going to stand my ground on this one and I am definitely going to do this my way.
thank you to everyone that has posted comments, I love to know what you guys think.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't know what the weather will be like, but most weddings are in that nice warm weather period,

I got married on a beach...

My Mother really wanted the Church thing but same as you, we didn't really want all of the fuss, cocktail food, fish in a fish bowl in the middle of tables, kareoke and loads to drink, worked really well.

My ex-wanted to go to Hawaii and elope.

My Mother did get upset over that idea, not being able to be there, so that was the compromise.

Smaller wedding, less costs, made it fun and different and wore that white dress.

Now I did say ex, haha, but that's a different story.

CW

[sourpuss]

making it HER wedding is the last thing that I want, and with this I am not giving in at all her and my father both are invited, if they choose not to come then it is their own fault that they didnt see their only daughter get married. I mean it's more cost effective and where I am located friends and family are more than welcome to come and watch the ceremony. I just dont understand the problem with it, I guess it could be that justice of the peace has always been associated with marriages that were not condonned in the first place..... who knows..... But i do know that i am going to stand my ground on this one and I am definitely going to do this my way.
thank you to everyone that has posted comments, I love to know what you guys think.

Good for you! I wish you all the best. I think you're making a great decision. I never understood two people running up a ton of debt the day they begin a life together....and just to have a big party that is all about them. You're doing something very special, it should be an intimate ceremony between the two of you. If your parents can't appreciate that you are actually trying to be mature and responsible with your finances, that's their problem. Have a wonderful day regardless what everyone else thinks.

[Fire(m)]

Withered Rose, it sounds like you're pretty much decided to "elope". Smart choice. Let me offer you a good alternative that won't hurt anyone's feelings. Why don't you go to your church (or whatever you want) and get a preacher to marry you. You and he write your vows. Make it simple. Do it in a church or in a park or down by the lake. Invite your mom/dad and his mom/dad. Buy yourself a nice dress and a some flowers to hold, but leave out the pomp and circumstance, just have a very pleasant heart-felt wedding (that won't cost you a mint). This way, you get the wedding your mom wants (sort of) and you get the wedding you want too!

I think that no matter what you do, you should let your folks know upfront what you're going to do. No need to hurt anyone's feelings. My parents weren't too happy with how I decided to get married initially, but because I enlisted them and involved them, they chilled out and things went real well.

Getting married is an ADULT decision. It may be the first real adult decision you've made so far. Definitely the most important one. Because it's an adult decision, reserve the right to make it YOURSELVES between only you and your fiance. My caution is to make a decision that you can live with forever. Not just about getting married to your fiance (I'm assuming that part of the decision is already made). What I'm talking about is making the decision in a way that you will be proud 10 years from now that you did it your way #1 and you didn't alienate anyone else unnecessarily (like your mom and dad).

Cheers!!!