[jen4625]

I wrote on here several monthes ago about how I caught my husband of only a year and a half in a lie. He was getting some website to talk to some girl he met on there before he and I were ever together. Then he went and spent 8 dollars on some way to contact her. Well, I saw it on the credit card bill and asked him about it, and he told me it was for pizza. Well, I got upset and couple days later confronted him again and he came clean. He said he was soo sorry and it wouldn't ever happen again.

So then about three months ago, after making sure it was not happening, which it wasn't, I notice some unusual phone numbers on the cell phone bills. I call the number and it is a hotline to meet girls and talk to them or whatever. So I again confront him, and he tells me "about a month earlier he was doing that, because he didn't care if I found out. He was on the verge of ending our marriage, but that has all changed." He says he is trying to be a better husband and do right by me. He again apologized and I just let it go (wonder if I should have).

Now, he is long distance away from me, got transferred to a new job, we haven't sold the house, and I am stuck here babysitting the house till it sells. It has been over a month and I am struggling with this whole situation. I am tempted to cheat myself, and I don't know what to do. I love him, but there is a vengeful part of me that is saying, "He did what he did to me, so why shouldn't I do something mean to him."

Advice??

[Guest]

First off, dont cheat. It'll only end up hurting both of you (yes, you too!) Gotta ask since you didn't specifically mention it. Did the two of you have a long talk about what is going on with your relationship, or just about the website stuff and the phone calls?

[SorridLives]

I wrote on here several monthes ago about how I caught my husband of only a year and a half in a lie. He was getting some website to talk to some girl he met on there before he and I were ever together. Then he went and spent 8 dollars on some way to contact her. Well, I saw it on the credit card bill and asked him about it, and he told me it was for pizza. Well, I got upset and couple days later confronted him again and he came clean. He said he was soo sorry and it wouldn't ever happen again.

So then about three months ago, after making sure it was not happening, which it wasn't, I notice some unusual phone numbers on the cell phone bills. I call the number and it is a hotline to meet girls and talk to them or whatever. So I again confront him, and he tells me "about a month earlier he was doing that, because he didn't care if I found out. He was on the verge of ending our marriage, but that has all changed." He says he is trying to be a better husband and do right by me. He again apologized and I just let it go (wonder if I should have).

Now, he is long distance away from me, got transferred to a new job, we haven't sold the house, and I am stuck here babysitting the house till it sells. It has been over a month and I am struggling with this whole situation. I am tempted to cheat myself, and I don't know what to do. I love him, but there is a vengeful part of me that is saying, "He did what he did to me, so why shouldn't I do something mean to him."

Advice??

I feel for you. If you think he cheated or would cheat now while away from you, then I would do some serious thinking about what you want to do now. I don't think the problems are resolved for you. Did he mention why he was feeling he wanted to end the marriage? I would imagine those problems need to be addressed.

[Muskitos]

Hi,

Totally agreeing with the other posters. You cheating on him is NOT going to make YOU happy, believe me. I tried that once too and ended up to be a disaster and I did not enjoy for one second. It is now one of these things I prefer to not remember.

I am saying that for your wellbeing not your husbands.

What you have been telling does not look that good and you are not happy with the current situation. Vengeance might taste sweet but is not a solution.

The only option you have left is talk this over with your husband. You are living seperated and I believe this is good for both of you. Take this time off to think what "YOU" want. Do you want to continue this marriage? And if yes, under what conditions? Put your conditions on paper. Make it very very clear to yourself what you want exactly and then start talking with your husband. Make compromises on the points you feel you can compromise and do not where it is too important to you.

Good luck

[jen4625]

We talked about the whole him wanting to divorce thing, and I never really got a clear answer. All I know is he said he was really unhappy with the way we were treating each other when we fight. And the whole other situation, it just never was resolved, and he gets mad at me when I want to try to bring it up.

[SorridLives]

We talked about the whole him wanting to divorce thing, and I never really got a clear answer. All I know is he said he was really unhappy with the way we were treating each other when we fight. And the whole other situation, it just never was resolved, and he gets mad at me when I want to try to bring it up.

The lack of communication only makes things worse, and I would think he would have the common sense to know that, being an adult....but if he doesn't, maybe you should tell him how all this makes you feel. He said you treat each other badly (when fighting)...What are you fighting about? That must be one of the clues.

[Guest]

We talked about the whole him wanting to divorce thing, and I never really got a clear answer. All I know is he said he was really unhappy with the way we were treating each other when we fight. And the whole other situation, it just never was resolved, and he gets mad at me when I want to try to bring it up.

if ya dont do or say anthing about it, it will just fester to the point that it is not recoverable.

a couple of times the XYL and I have resorted to emails to get things out without being interrupted. now that's not to say that it helped us fix everything, but at least it's all been on the table. sometimes it's hard to say whats on your mind because you dont want a confrontation with the other person. just a thought...

[jen4625]

We fight about everything, from finances to church, etc. It has been especially difficult because we are so far apart right now.

[SorridLives]

Well, again,...I would say you better talk to him or it will only get worse. Good luck!

[Jingleboots]

You should NEVER give a guy a nude picture of yourself, ever. You don't know him well and that's not a good idea.

You don't mention your age, but I'm assuming since you mentioned "school", that you're either in high school or early college? If so, it's perfectly normal for a guy that age to be exploring sex. As you probably know, they will do and say anything to learn more about sex. We women have to "out-smart" them, by NOT giving in until you know for sure that you both care very deeply for one another and you can trust them. You should not have sex with your friend, it sounds to me that he is enjoying playing games with you. Most guys at that age do that, it doesn't mean that he's a really bad person, just immature. You sound much more mature than he, I hope you can hold your head up high and don't talk to him anymore. Someone much nicer that has respect for you will come along soon, but not while you're wasting time with him. In other words, the nice guy can't park if the wrong guy is in the driveway............savvy ??? I wish you the very best, you sound like a sweet, smart girl.