[1scarymom]

I have been married for 16 years, mostly great years. The last 6 months have been , we both flipped out, I told him to leave, he wouldn't, then he did. We have been emailing everyday dull about schedules and kids.

To get to this point: I broke my neck, surgery was a miracle, the meds they had me on were not! I changed into a demon. His son from an ex is smoking meth and jumping ship on rehab. My husband is 15 years older (57) and an emotional cripple. Roll that up with his inability to handle life and the fact that I was a medicated mess.

It has been 7 weeks, no I didn't loose it for more than a day with him. Let him have his space. He says he doesn't want a divorce and hasn't done anything to start one.

Saw him for the first time yesterday, I pulled into the drive and he was in the house with the kids changing light bulbs, it was his visit day. I saw him and he looked so old and sad. Where I have lost 30 pounds and look better than I have in years (I feel it too!) he just aged.

I do love him, our biggest problem was me getting over the surgery and meds.

I don't know what to say to him. I want to work on things, he says he does too. I don't want to pressure him as that would pressure me too.

But, I am supposed to talk to him tomorrow at 7. I am so confused about the distance between us and even more so how to get him to open up. I don't want to have to figure out what he is saying. He has also said he would call before and at times didn't. He says he is sorry, blah, blah, blah. I am at a point where I have had a blast for the last number of weeks, got myself healthy and don't want to play games. But I don't want to pressure.

So what do I say or do?

[sourpuss]

It sounds like you are ready to move on. Are you saying you want to work it out because you feel like you need to take care of him?

[1scarymom]

I am not afraid of moving on, I don fear being alone etc., no I would never stay with a man to take care of him, this man in particular I do love. But at the same time I am a realist so taking charge of my life wasn't an issue for me. This is why he is so weird now. Because I didn't crumple into a heap just took the separation as a part of life.

I know that love is not something to quit and I owe myself the definitive answer of "I did all I could". I am afraid of pushing him just so I don't have to try.

If I don't do this right I will never be able to say that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I can't see what he has done wrong?

Re-garding separation...

Your basically saying that you turned into a Demon.. and that he looks so old, so sad and that you don't particularily like the way he is, nor his Son's attitude and lifestyle.

But, what i do read is that, you have spirit since seperating, look good, feel great and then see this old man before your eyes and the life that you were leading, verses the life that you are leading.

That you do love him and want to work things out.

Well take control of your life and tell him the way you now are and that you intend to continue being you and feeling great and he has to get on that bandwagon with you and experience that all with you..

You've changed but you still love him. And, that being on your own has resulted in you not being so y and down..

CW