[Little]

I'll keep you in my thoughts, Chaya. I hope the surgery goes great!

You could probably douche after sex the night before if you don't want the doctors to see anything. The semen might stick around overnight.

[Stillness]

Chaya, I'm excited for you! And nervous, even though I'm sure it's minor and routine and will go well. Let us know everything is OK afterwards.

[chaya]

I wanted more information about the operation and called the doctor this morning. She just got back to me, she said the operation itself was minor but the location made it very difficult. That is why they are doing it in the hospital where there is more facilities in case of complications. She is using removable sutures to minimize scarring which could cause inflammation and lengthen the recovery time. Scarring could cause pain when the tissues are stretched even after healing is complete. She said she would do an examination 2 weeks after the operation and would remove the stitches if healing was complete. She don't recommend having sex for 2-4 weeks after the stitches are removed. This is bad news for my husband, I'm not sure how he will react.

Now I'm really scared. I'm not sure I should tell my husband what she said, it would just make him worry more but not telling him could anger him later when he finds out.

[KMonte85]

you might as well tell him, chaya. He's going to find out anyway. I hope that his reaction would be loving, supportive and understanding as opposed to worried and angry.

[jns]

Best of luck on everything, chaya. I hope you can get back to where you were before.

[DreamP346]

After reading everything you have writen, plus reading your past posts, I just have to bring this up. I am sorry if I am being harsh and please correct me if I don't have the fact corrects, but I feel somebody needs to say this. And feel free to tell me its none of my business.

So here are the facts. You don't enjoy sex and its often painful. However your husband continues to have frequent sex with you. He does nothing to help you, no foreplay, regardless of the fact that he knows he is causing you pain. You often cry after sex (where is he during this time). He has done nothing to help you get through your low desire and sexual pain. Now, after finding out that you have some type of growth, the doctor advising you against sex, and before you found out it was benign, he still had sex with you and didn't even try to be gentle.

I just have to say, WTF! Does this man even care about you? What type of person puts their partner in constant physical pain without trying to maybe add foreplay, change it up with oral or manual. I mean, com'on. If somebody cares about you, they would be willing to compromise. What compromise has your husband made in the sex department considering all the pain he is putting you through.

Would you do the same to your husband? Would you do something with your husband that gave you pleasure, but was extremely painful, both emotionally and physically, to your partner?

I am sure this is a stressful time for you, but I feel somebody had to raise this issue. Is this guy really worth it? Does he love you at all? Maybe I missed something since I've only been around this forum about a year. And once again, I appologize if I sound too harsh or made incorrect assumptions. Its not my intention to yell at you. However I do feel like I would like to yell at your husband.

[chaya]

They did the operation Friday, it took about an hour. After the antithetic took effect I didn't feel any real pain, just a lot of pressure. I don't know if I'll ever be the same size again, they had to stretch me so much to get access. About 4 hours after the operation they were going to let me go home but said I had to pee first. I couldn't go, I tried off and on for 2 hours then they put the catheter back in and I had to stay overnight. Maybe it's good that I stayed because they had some gauze packing in me and the nurse removed it the next morning and swabbed me out. It would have been hard for me to do that alone and I'm sure Hubby wouldn't want to do it.

After the antithetic wore off, the most pain I felt was from the stretching, not from the operation itself. Right now I don't feel any pain at all, I play on going to school tomorrow and sitting on hard chairs most of the day. As far as I'm concerned, I could have sex tonight but the doctor said no until she removes the 2 stitches a week from Friday, then maybe longer if she thinks I'm not healed enough.

Answer to sp346 - I can see why you might feel that way about my hubby but it's not like that at all. Hubby does care about me, we have talked about my problems with sex and he wanted to stop until I resolved the problem. I wouldn't let him, it is my duty to be his wife and if I stopped doing it I would loose all self respect for myself. I only experienced pain during sex when he went in too deep, I was never in pain after sex. I cried my feelings were hurt because I couldn't have sex like a normal woman. I have went through stages where I thought he did not care about my comfort but I always realized in the end that he did. Another thing to remember is that I came from a different curture with different expectations, I feel that I need to do things a certain way to retain my self respect. Also, most of the things I post are about bad times, not the good majority of good times.

[jns]

Your maintaining your cultural principles with a lot of pressure to change them is admirable. It shows the strength of your character. It's good that you have several talks with your husband and now realize that he is interested in your comfort.

He is so naive and shy about women and how their bodies work that he has to learn a lot. He doesn't have to learn about all women, just you. If removing the gauze was one of the duties he had to perform for his lovely bride, he should just suck it up and do it. Wanting to do it or not has nothing to do with it.

Best of luck on your recovery and the results of the surgery.