[springaroundthecorner]

Hi all
I'm 29 yr old female and went to the doctor's last week because I was in agony with "down there". In the end I had to get a same day appointment because I couldn't wait a week to be seen. It was a male doctor and I thought well I'm in so much pain I don't care. I know him well due to previous visits for long term illness and I just needed a doctor.
I dont know why but after my examination I feel awful/dirty and I can't stop thinking about it and I just cringe, feel upset by it. I've only been with my husband and I have had an examination before by a female doctor which didn't bother me one bit.
so I laid on the couch thing with my legs open and he had a good look around to try and find the source of the pain.
he had a very young girl in with him to pass him instruments - she only works on reception and looked about 18. Tbh I would have preferred an
older person.
he found the source of the pain - it was an ulcer on the outside but he said he wanted to take some swabs to test for any
. So he needed further instruments so he asked the girl who was with him so he had his fingers in me holding me open ready to put the instrument in. She was a bit slow so he's literally just keeping his fingers there whilst I'm sat waiting and he's directing her what to do.
it felt incredibly awkward I was just laid there with hid fingers in me.
I just feel so mortified, embarrassed, feel awful and I cringe thinking about it. I almost feel sick. Is this normal? Any advice?

[amy40]

Hi all

I just feel so mortified, embarrassed, feel awful and I cringe thinking about it. I almost feel sick. Is this normal? Any advice?

welcome to wh!

do you mean is it normal to feel that way?
do think so, once went to new Dr and she used me as an anatomy lesson for her student (without asking me)
pointing out all my parts and naming them
never went back and wish I had said something immediately but was very shy back then

sorry you felt that way and that seems very odd having receptionist in exam room, unless she is also a nurse or medical assistant

[Ashlee T.]

Hey there. Welcome to WH. Based on what you've said, I don't think anything was done wrong. Sometimes the "receptionist" is also trained to be an assistant to the doctor (tech) during examinations, especially if it is a small office.

Being on that table with legs spread open, exposed, is one of the most vulnerable and scary feelings a woman can have. That's why NOONE really likes going for their examinations. If you're already in pain that just makes it even more traumatic.

I think it's a good idea to tell the office when you schedule that you have terrible anxiety about gynecological exams. Maybe even tell the nurse when she checks you in too. That way they can take extra caution to be gentle and try to make you feel more comfortable. Many doctors are so methodical in what they do they sometimes forget there is a person with feelings attached to that vagina.

A friend of mine had to have a procedure done by her OB/GYN. She trusted this doctor, who had even delivered her baby. But my friend was one of the rare few who have a terrible reaction to this procedure. She called me when it was over and she was traumatized by it. She was not only in pain, but said she felt violated and humiliated. It took her a few weeks to get to the point of realizing it wasn't her doctors fault and to feel better about the whole situation.

If there are other things he did that made you feel uncomfortable, please share them with us. You can feel free to discuss openly here.......as there will be no judgment of you. However, if what you've typed is the entirety of it, I think he didn't do anything wrong other than potentially just didn't put much effort into making you feel comfortable.

[springaroundthecorner]

Thank you so much for your replies and for being so kind. He didn't touch me inappropriately so I'm also confused why I feel like this.
He said he needed a chaperone and i said no because I didn't want an audience. He said I won't have an audience and then proceeded to tell me to getup on the bed. I had barely got up and put the sheet of paper over me and he was back in the room. He didn't say oh she is a trainee assistant or anything.
I did feel irrelevant/unimportant. When he found the ulcer he stood upright and said it looks very sore. Found that embarrassing, like I I almost felt powerless and vulnerable.
I've never had any fears about being examined and because I was in so much pain I didn't care it was a man. Now I do care and I just can't get it out of my head.
I'm not normally like this and I feel like such a freak for feeling like this and I don't know who i can talk to about it. I tried speaking to my husband but he doesn't understand (not being sexist but he's a bloke, he has no idea) and he told me to get over it. I can't seem to though and I just need someone who understands.
I don't even get it but I can't help the way I feel.

[atskitty2]

Well, the doc is insensitive and unprofessional, but not necessarily inappropriate. I'm sorry for the experience you had.

I think you would have felt better cared for, had he referred to her as someone other than a chaperone. That implies to you, that he needs supervision. An assistant to accompany him or perhaps even indicating the necessity of a third-party for these exams, would be less suggestive, and to the point.
I think explaining to patients what each movement and feeling is, also helps. At least, give them the option of a commentary during a procedure.

His bedside manner is lacking, and he should be more thoughtful of his patients.

I'm sorry this had to be a traumatic event. Please realize that you had a poor interaction with an absent minded practitioner. Please don't let it discourage you from getting regular exams.

[jns]

With only having been with your husband and only having similar exams by women doctors, I can see why you are reacting.

[springaroundthecorner]

Thank you for your reply. Appreciate the thought but not sure what it means!
I'm trying to put it out of my mind but it's just hard for me. Also appreciate the other reply telling about a friend's experience. I think it's helped a bit reading people's replies to my posts because I really don't know who to speak to about it - it's not something you would share with just anyone. Don't even know if it would help talking or not. Just wish I could get the whole situation out of my mind and the horrible feeling

[jns]

I think that there would be a very large variation in how women react to a male gynecologist in relation to a woman gynecologist. One thing that may help in a lot of situations is for the patient to have had more than one or several sexual partners. It could lead to an ease with having another person looking at or examining your body. But this is not your situation.

I am a male and have a female doctor who does a prostrate exam yearly. In a way it seems strange having a female penetrating without anything sexual going on. Maybe the biggest benefit is she has small fingers. On the other hand, having a male doctor doing it would seem strange but maybe less so. A man looking after the health of another man. There is a certain brotherhood in that. Maybe it is a similar situation going on, where it feels more natural to have a female examining you. I can appreciate that. I have a female doctor by choice because my wife and I have the same doctor and I felt my wife would be more comfortable with a female doctor.

I don't see a big problem with your doctor's examination, but then again, I don't have the same perspective. Could he have had a better bedside manner? Yes. Doctors are taught to be clinical in manner, but in some cases a doctor that could set a patient at ease with appropriate jokes may be better. On the other hand, other patients expect a very formal doctor.

I can also see where having a medical exam done by someone younger may be off-putting. When I was growing up, doctors were old and wise. As you get older, you may question if a younger person has enough knowledge. Even when you are young, you may question if a young doctor has enough knowledge.

If I was to give you any advise, it would to go with the situation you will be most comfortable with. At the same time, don't let some discomfort discourage you from necessary actions.

[Ashlee T.]

Yeah, it definitely sounds like his bedside manner is lacking. Gyns/OB's, especially male doctors, usually require a nurse or assistant be present for exams for liability reasons. That way there is a witness in case a patient claims to be touched inappropriately. We'd all probably be shocked to know how often male gyn's/OB's get accused of that kind of thing.

My first experience with a "lady part doctor" was when I was 19. I had been sexually active for a year in a monogamous relationship and I decided as a new college student, the smart decision was to get put on the pill. I choose a female doctor because I felt more comfortable. She had terrible bedside manner and made me feel dirty and trashy for even being there. When I would ask questions about the birth control pill (because I knew NOTHING and wanted to be informed.) she would make smart comments like "Well, if you're going to be using condoms then it doesn't really matter how effective the pill is now does it????" I had never mentioned using condoms, that was just her way of lecturing me. There were also student workers sitting around on desktops. It was strange and very off-putting. I never went back to her.

I understand what it's like to have a bad experience. I think if you just continue to move forward and try not to allow yourself to dwell on it, it'll eventually fade off into the background of life. I'm really sorry it made you feel this way.