[Emily]

For roughly the last month or so, my husband and I have been having 'issues' in the bedroom. I don't think that it is all my fault, per say, but I'm sure it somewhere along the line. So here is the scenario:
Everyday after work, I like to come home and sit for about an hour and just relax...Nothing special-just a little time to unwind from the previous hours. If things get 'romantic', we are normally in the bedroom or on the couch doing our thing by ten p.m. Ten at night is not late to me-maybe it is to a man-but it's not late for me. Anyways, we're in the middle of making love and there's no problems that I am aware of-until he (out of the blue) just stops and says it's not going to happen for him-that I've waited too late at night to do anything.
My initial thought was that is was me-that I don't turn him on enough-that his mind is somewhere else-but then I tried a new tactic. I came home from work two days ago, immediately jumped into the bath and put on a new lingerie thingee that I had bought that morning. I thought it would turn him on as well as make me feel sexy. He said I looked beautiful blah blah blah...So I lit some candles and headed for the bedroom...
I'm guessing it's ok to say what I'm going to say on here-if not please let me know-
I started to 'pleasure' him and normally this gets things going immediately but that day was different...I was doing my thing and nothing on him was doing anything...After about thirty minutes I just gave up and got dressed. I'm still sitting here wondering what happened...if it was me or if he had something else on his mind??? He says it's not me...and that he is just stressed about alot of things right now, but come on...how can that make you not even get an erection??? Stressed or not-if you're turned on then you're turned on, right???
Maybe I'm just being selfish or maybe there's something else going on....
Oh and by the way, he is always asking me who the other guy is??? I have not ever nor would ever cheat on him which leads me to believe maybe it is him??? I don't know what else to say other than I'm tired of being accused of things I'm not doing and I'm also tired of failing in the bedroom...If anyone has some answers, please share them.

[Guest]

[quote=Emily;57732]

He says it's not me...and that he is just stressed about alot of things right now, but come on...how can that make you not even get an erection??? Stressed or not-if you're turned on then you're turned on, right???


Hi Emy, I can say this much, there was a time when I had my eyes and heart on another woman and when we went to bed with my wife I didn't want to do anything!!! not a!! Nothing!!!

I'm assuming he's normally close to you as far as conversing and all but now he's not? You got to get that out of him. If it truly is stress then exactly what stress. Don't feel like it's you, to me you sound perfectly normal.

It doesn't seem to be something physical or he would probably tell you that. How old is He?

Even tho it's hard, you finding out what it is that's bugging him I feel, will at least get things started on the right track, NO?

Tell him how you want him tell him how you love him and that you want to get over this hump and go on. Let him know you are not happy and that you want the both of you to be Happy Others here are better it than I am. You'll get more comments, Hang on

[Emily]

He is 31...So old age is not a factor so I've been told...yes, I've told him what I want and how good it makes me feel when he touches me...As far as conversations go...well, we used to laugh and giggle everday but here lately, he doesn't have much to say to me when I get home from work. I can deal with that....He says the stress is from the move (we recently moved back into his childhood home and completely renovated it-but all the work is done...so I'm still left wondering what stress he is under??) The stress is just an excuse as far as my beliefs go...maybe it's performance anxiety if there is such a thing for a man???
Not sure on that..but i've told him how much i love him and how turned on he makes me but it still seems that it just doesn't work....Is it better for a man first thing in the morning? He never had a problem with that so maybe I;ll try that in the morning...Keep your fingers crossed that it works and ps-if i misspelled anything in this please forgive me...I tore all the ligaments in my right wrist yesterday and got put in a cast/splint today...I'm not used to typing with this concoction on my arm...and just so happens I'm right handed...guess I need to learn how to use my left hand then, huh? hahaha-
thanks for your advice...any is welcome and much appreciated at this point...

[SorridLives]

Sounds like something is wrong. I'd be worried too....but the best thing to do is talk to him, as In-need said already. He says it isn't you, so you have to take him at his word...but I would get the rest out of him. And do this outside the bedroom...not when you are trying to make love. Good luck!

[Emily]

thank you, SorridLives, for your advice...I've tried talking to him when we are not making love or even when we are not in the bedroom...Seems I can't get much out of him, but I'm going to keep trying. I refuse to give up on this problem. I know with all of you guys help, i can fix whatever is wrong. I'm at least going to try anyway...first things first...i have special plans for when we wake up in the morning...i'd leave a smiley face but i am new here so i don't really know how to do that just yet...thank you again for taking time to read my thread and replying back...

[SorridLives]

Let us know how it goes! Click on the smileys at the side and it will add them where the cursor is...like this....

[WildChild]

Get him in for a complete physical. A hormone imbalance could be the cause. How are his energy levels otherwise? Is he easily fatigued? Gaining weight? Moody?

The other side, as In Need pointed out, if his interest is going elsewhere, is he paying more attention to his appearance? Being secretive? Having unusual phone conversations or text msgs? Working late or early? Any unusual charges on his credit cards or bank account? You'd be surprised what a trail people will leave if you just open your eyes.

The stress question could prove interesting. As you asked, what is he stressed out about? How are things at work? With his health? With his family? Usually it takes quite a bit to take a man this young down (so to speak).

You posed most of the questions already. Make him an appt for the physical - men tend to be difficult about that sort of thing but usually go if it's set up. Then go from there.

[Joy]

Hey Emily I wouldn't say it was anything to do with you either. You husband is stressed or may need physical. He just hit his 30's and he is living in his childhood home ( renovated). Maybe he is mourning his 20's Did his mom and dad have a good relationship? Maybe he is haunted by old memories?

Is he on any new meds? A person's entire behavior can change with new meds.

Talk to him find out what he is holding in since you say he is not that talkative after work.

[rcoreyus]

Sounds like 2 issues, but maybe neither is serious.

He may just not be an evening person - earlier in the day might work better for him.

He may have some performance anxiety. As a guy I can tell you that it can be very frustrating - just when it is most important, it might not happen. Maybe the lingerie was a bit intimidating. He was so eager to perform that he couldn't.

Some possible ideas:
Don't make it a planned trip to the bedroom. Just sitting on the sofa watching TV, or something start to get a bit frisky and work your way from there.

If he doesn't already know, show him what he can do to please you with his hands and mouth. Take the pressure of his needing to "perform" to make you happy. (even if you are happy with intercourse, enjoy other things for a while, and he may get back into it).

Of course it could be lots of more serious things - other women, etc, but it might be something that can easily be fixed.

[Emily]

Well, I am going to make him an appointment for a physical as suggested earlier. It may be like pulling teeth to get him to go to it but I think I can manage that...On another note, maybe he just prefers mornings more so than evenings. I got woken up early today-if you know what I mean