[sophie13]

Hi, I'm a newbie here! I have a smal problem and I was wondering if anyone could help me. When I'm with my boyfriend, it will usually take me a while to get turned on, and when I do it seems to be going fine! Then all of a sudden, for no reason just as I'm thinking I am finally going to stay 'in the mood' it will just go away! It'll seriously only take a couple of seconds to subside and disappear! I don't know why it does it. I'll admit I'm not 100% comfortable with everything (haven't gone that far), but it doesn't explain the things i AM comfortable with. Could it be that I don't have a sex drive? I don't even get horny that often! Please help

[Hystorm]

Let me guess, you are aged around 18 ~ 25, you don't masterbate and you feel fat and ugly.
Any among those ring any bells?

If you are in that range, its rather normal for your issues to be happening.
At least, until you find the right man to light you up like never before.

There are many, many women here who have come here seeking assistance for the exact same reason.

Go ahead and give more details as needed.

Best of Luck.

[sophie13]

mmm

Yeah you got the first two right! For the fat and ugly, I'm not really fussed about my physical appearance so I don't think that would be the problem, but good guess for the first two.

[shedevil]

Hi, I'm a newbie here! I have a smal problem and I was wondering if anyone could help me. When I'm with my boyfriend, it will usually take me a while to get turned on, and when I do it seems to be going fine! Then all of a sudden, for no reason just as I'm thinking I am finally going to stay 'in the mood' it will just go away! It'll seriously only take a couple of seconds to subside and disappear! I don't know why it does it. I'll admit I'm not 100% comfortable with everything (haven't gone that far), but it doesn't explain the things i AM comfortable with. Could it be that I don't have a sex drive? I don't even get horny that often! Please help

Try Masturbating your self it worked for me i used a .

[WildChild]

Hystorm is right, it's apparently not unusual, may be not so much age as experience level. I went through some of this at 14 or 15, although when unhappy, I still experience it. Arousal for most men is pretty direct, for women the head stuff is vital. We need to feel cared about and desired. Your bf can be a big factor in this but you can do for yourself too. You want to learn to achieve a low level of arousal pretty much all the time, kind like keeping the kettle hot, it's not boiling but can get there really fast.

Part of this is self image and self talk. Get connected to your p*ssy, think with it, in the sense that you find the sensual in everything. I can connect darned near anything to sex - that can get a little weird at times but it works. Tell yourself that you are responsive and always ready, flirt (keep that light and harmless). Kegel while you're at stop lights, the low level vibration of the car with the kegels can give you mini orgasms while you drive. Wear only clothes, colors and fabrics that you enjoy, they should feel good against your skin and you should enjoy seeing the colors and how it looks on you. If you don't feel good wearing something - get rid of it. Same thing goes with your space, whether room or home, have only what you enjoy and love. As much as possible everything you come in contact with or are surrounded by should bring pleasure. Encourage the man in your life to be part of this. Snuggles, hugs, kisses, nuzzling your neck - tell him what you need. Don't limit the kissing and a tongue around your neck or whatever to foreplay, grab those when ever you can, That will help keep you simmering so that when it's time to come to a 'boil' you'll get there faster and easier.

Don't get hung up on getting turned on, if you worry about it, you'll kill it. Don't think, just do. Work instead on having fun and pleasure as much of the time as possible. Do learn to self pleasure, you can't tell him what works for you if you don't know. You can figure that out on your own without pressure and then share it. When you are making out, or engaging in foreplay, make sure you aren't going to have a lot of distractions, turn off your phones, off the TV, lock the door, put on some sensuous music, give yourselves time. Later when you've got a handle on this you can tollerate more distraction but right now you don't need it.

[Guest]

Wear only clothes, colors and fabrics that you enjoy, they should feel good against your skin and you should enjoy seeing the colors and how it looks on you. If you don't feel good wearing something - get rid of it. Same thing goes with your space, whether room or home, have only what you enjoy and love. As much as possible everything you come in contact with or are surrounded by should bring pleasure.

WC you are simply an amazing woman, could I please have your Phone Num, J/K - Really tho, this and all the other advise it just perfect.

All this reminds me of a song, tittle "Come on baby lite my Fire" by Jose Feliciano and Shedevil that's what you will be doing for yourself and your B/F if you take this wonderful advise.
Can't give any advise myself, what else is there?
Just confiming what WC is saying!

Good Luck shedevil

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So, Sophie, it is not easy experiencing the sexual side of yourself.. You answered to Hystorm that yes, you are young...

There is a lot of expectations on a woman hey, the guy thinks that she should be this way that way, now...

So, this boyfriend, is he understanding? Realises you are new to all of this?

How does he express, to you that it's all ok?

CW

[sophie13]

Thanks CW He's extremely understanding in that he attempts to do anything and everything to help me. And the best part is he doesn't mind, he just enjoys being with me regardless (we have discussed it). I just wish I could give more back to him as well as enjoy myself a bit more. I did have one other question though. I enjoy when he fingers me and plays around, but he has tried to lick me down there a few times and I really don't enjoy it. It just feels uncomfortable and weird or it just feels like any other part of my body. I don't think he'd be doing anything wrong. Is this a problem or a preference in what some women enjoy? Thanks for responding everyone!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know alot of posters have blamed " parent's teachings"... It's like we never got told that, somehow we new the reverse though? Go figure.

For the record, I rarely write on "sex" issues.

But, finding yourself, on your own can help wonders.

Also, perhaps your past relationships weren't into things that are the norm, but for what ever reason, looked as "different".

So, guess I am saying either you have to let go and find yourself, and see that actually it can be fun, not do it with him to find out, as that's what is freaking you out.

Or, see if there is a deeper thing, like parent's/school/ friends/ thoughts, up-bringing and in which case, again, I can only say "find yourself" by yourself...

It is the only way to either find, or get past , past or what we were bought up with.

Still, age is not relevant, for the most being, I have found more about myself over the past 2 and so years, than really i ever had, and i learnt heaps from this site, to be honest, well understanding and therefore trying... and, in thinking it's ok to be yourself.

CW