[missyann]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. We've lived together for almost five months. Although we started out having sex practically every day for six months, it's now almost nonexistent. I'm still in love with him as much as I was before, and he tells me he is as well. I've brought it up a few times and he is extremely sensitive about the subject. He tells me not to bother him about it anymore and that he's never in the mood because he is stressed all of the time. I've been pretty paranoid about the whole thing (probably over paranoid, I'm sure). I'm around him whenever he's at work (he's a salesman) so I don't really suspect him cheating on me. I'm worried that maybe he's not attracted to me any more (despite how many times he assures me). I would really like some ideas on this--especially men on this board. Is it healthy for a young, 25-year-old man to just 'not want sex'?

[Guest]

My opinion is no.
There's an underlying current flowing somewhere.
Could be even his health.
I do recall in my twenties having periods of less but not what you are saying.
You've been with him like you said, his comment on his stressed out feelings, does it seem he's stressed more than he was when things were better.
Myself I would talk to him anyway and let him know you are genuinely about it and is there anything you can do do to help him,
For me stress was always released by sex. Maybe thats part of why I'm stressed more now, no hoochie coochie happening in my life. but some people react with stress differently. You could ask him what he thinks he could do to help release the stress.

[Guest]

Hmm, forgive me...But the "stressed" excuse is about as good as the women's "headache" excuse!

I have often wondered how people who withhold sex from their partners in life consider themselves anything other than roommates?...without intimacy what else are you ?...

I agree there is an underlying issue somewhere....an him using the stressed thing is only an excuse ....You both need to communicate...HE needs to communicate...otherwise I suspect you will either leave or cheat...

Someone can only be starved of affection and intimacy for so long!

[rcoreyus]

Someone can only be starved of affection and intimacy for so long!

23 years and counting....

[JustAman]

Hello, New guy here. Have read a while, but just joined. I must say that as a man... nothing treats stress better than a good romp. I want it MORE when I'm stressed because it helps me to blow off some steam. I also must concur that the stress excuse is just that, an excuse. However, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he may have performance issues that have arrised that he is too emberased to tell you about. You need to sit down together and talk to one another. Just don't come at him with an agressive attitude, he will more than likely get defensive and nothing will be resolved.

[shweedart]

Ejaculation is a good form of stress relief ... remind him of that

[lookininlusby]

okay well as a woman who has been with the same man now for almost 9 years let me first just say that the first 6 months or so is call the infatuation stage of a relationship, sex everyday maybe more than once. Then you get into the comfortable stage, you still have sex but not as often and more loving like. And yes stress can affect a mans performace it has happened to me and my husband. when money gets tight and work is unstable or just to many things on his mind he wont really be in the mood...he could even be worried about an unwanted pregnancy...no matter how good of birth control you have....
there are many things to do to try to get his attention relating to sex...everything from a simple romantic dinner ( wearing something sexy and make it a surprise) to walking around the house naked or something reveling to one of his button up shirts depending on what he likes or you think he would like. you could start by giving him a massage after work....when talking about sex remind him of a time in detail what he did that you really liked and what else you would like to try...
over all i wouldnt worry to much especially if your sure he is being faithful. things can and will get better

[rcoreyus]

I would worry. There are several threads hear from women (and men) who are living unhappy near sexless marriages. There are some men and women who just don't seem very interested in sex. If it is important to you, you shouldn't put up with a long term relationship with someone who is not interested.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Someone can only be starved of affection and intimacy for so long!

Let's look at that... You mention (2) things, two that i am very aware of, 7 and a half years Corey................you way beat me hands down.

However, if he is affectionate? that's what hugs, kisses, warm, there..... and Intimacy? Not just a "bonk" rather, fullfilling, emotional, giving, receiving, deep, soulful.

Are they not two different things and therefore, if so, I agree, with your statement Married15... totally.

I am highlighting it because, the threader only talks about sex, ......not about affection and i guess as such I am curious as to whether he gives this as well, because all you are stating is "words" he TELLS you, not to worry, he TELLS you he loves you.... what about affection?

CW

[Guest]

Are they not two different things and therefore, if so, I agree, with your statement Married15... totally.

I am highlighting it because, the threader only talks about sex, ......not about affection and i guess as such I am curious as to whether he gives this as well, because all you are stating is "words" he TELLS you, not to worry, he TELLS you he loves you.... what about affection?

CW

In a marriage and partnership for life shouldn't sex=intimacy and intimacy=sex.......

In my marriage intimacy isn't a mechanical procedure. It is an act of intimacy, passion and desire between us.