[GAD5764]

As a last resort I thought I would try to get some advice and suggestions from others. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We started off with a long distance relationship. We flew back and forth once a month to see each other. Our sex life was never spectacular but it at least existed. We decided to move in together last April. I figured our relationship would improve. It has improved significantly...in all areas except our sex life. At first he said it was because he felt bad about himself about not having a job, since he lost his when he announced he was moving. After he got another great job, nothing changed. He still seemed to have no interest at all. I am 29 and he is 40 so we thought maybe it was his age that was causing his low sex drive but his testosterone level is normal, according to a blood test. He is starting to say that we are just not connecting that way, but that it's not the most important thing in a relationship. I have tried initiating, I have tried lingerie, I have tried coming to bed completely naked, I even tried watching porn with him, I made suggestions like taking a dance class together to bring us closer, I have suggested counseling (which he refuses)...nothing works. We talk about it but our conversations have never led to any discoveries about what could be wrong. It is really beginning to wear on me and is making me feel bad about myself. I have even considered straying from my relationship to satisfy my needs...of course I haven't and wouldn't. He has told me that he has never had this problem before and he is just as confused and disappointed as me. This doesn't make me feel any better. He is worried that I am thinking that he is going to cheat on me, which obviously crosses my mind. He reassures me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and he wouldn't do that. I know that there are things from his past that could possibly be a factor. For example, he was sexually abused as a child and he has had 3 failed marriages, but if he has never had these issues with his sex drive before, why now? I am so frustrated and sad and lonely and I don't know what else to do. I am young and feel like my youth is being wasted in a way. If anyone has suggestions or even an uplifting word, I would love to hear from you. Thanks!

[rcoreyus]

It is almost certainly not your problem but his. This is actually pretty common (unfortunately), there are a number of threads on this. I've been in a similar situation (with the genders reversed) for many years - never found a solution. But - recently things have been improving - I'm very happy about it, but don't know what changed.

[cassie66]

my hubby is similar. when i first met him we only saw each other 3 times a week and had sex so dodnt think there was a prob. we have been married 5 months now and he isnever interested much in sex. its very frustrating as i often feel unwanted. he just says he cant helpit if he is not in the mood. i know how you feel.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

For example, he was sexually abused as a child and he has had 3 failed marriages, but if he has never had these issues with his sex drive before, why now?

It's hearsay is it not? that he never had issues with his sex drive before? That is what he has told you.....

Think about it, sexually abused for anyone can be extremely hard to get over, there is so much of this happening and people on this site have shared such horrible experiences over and over, including 15 facts, in Lounge, have a read. Some people can get over it, some can't.

If I was to hazard at a guess? Three failed marriages? He can not see sex as something beautiful, he sees it as discusting, nothing.... I am looking deeper at this, and what man can admit especially in love " we all need love", that they don't feel "that sexual, feeling" "intimacy" "want/desire" when having sex? When love is all he can cope with and he obviously loves you.

This is deeper I think, much deeper in my opinion...

It's not age, low sex drive, it's no sex drive and 3 marriages later may be the key to showing that.

CW

[Angelic]

A happy, turned on, approving woman is irresistible.

[WildChild]

Angelic, you been reading Mama Gena?

[Angelic]

Hi WC - thanks for your reply. No, I haven't read Mama Gena, but understand there does seem to be a connection in philosophies with who I have been frequenting, which is the Welcomed Consensus (get it, well cummed!). For me it's all about women being responsible for our lives and not falling into the victim roll we resent being put in in the first place. Being responsible for your orgasm and your relationship is AWESOME. A freedom like no other. Mostly I peruse their ClitBoard, have emailed with an instructor, and got two of their vids. Great stuff, I highly recommend anyone interested in a great sex life to check it out.

Have you read Mama, anyone else? I also have a few Bodansky's EMO books.

[WildChild]

Bodansky's are great, have read all of Mama Gena's stuff.

[mymirrose]

Wild Child, explain what and where to find "Mama Gena's" stuff, please.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Visitors Messages are all good WC...

Back to the thread of "topic" I think.

CW