[cassie66]

this is very frustrating for me as i have a very high sex drve, but lately for the past week or so every timee i try to make love, my hubby just cannot get an erection. he is a healthy 32 years old
we have try night and day(to please me) but no success

hubby says im putting to much pressure on him to perform and thats why he cant this has never happened bfore

im getting stressed and upset and he is getting angry a lot.
also he refuses to do foreplay, say sits disgusting, but likes it doe to himself. im not eve allowed to play with myself in front of him, he says it turns him off help please.

[Hopeless Dork]

Guy's have a hard time getting erections under pressure, thats why they aren't all cut out to be porn stars (as much as they'd love to be lol). He know's your waiting for it to get erect, hes waiting for it to get erect and since hes focusing so much on that , he can't relax and enjoy the sensations enough to actually make it work.

If you are not "allowed" to give him foreplay, wow. Its no wonder he has trouble getting erections. Sex therepy ASAP. He can't will his penis hard, I don't think. I think that there needs to be some kind of tactile stimulation going on. If he wont let you touch it, maybe work on visual stimulation. Pop in a movie that is not an overt porn , that would be too obvious, but a regular movie that happens to have some hot sex scenes... I think unfaithful might be a good one

Maybe an impromptu lap dance or striptease if he is okay with something like that, while he foreplays himself? You are really up against a brick wall there cassie, it sounds like he's being difficult on purpose. Has he seen a medical doctor? Does he consume a lot of alcohol or on any antidepressents? If he is physically healthy, marriage counseling is really in order.

[Hopeless Dork]

Edit to add I re-read and saw that you say he DOES like it done to himself, I misread and thought he DOESNT, whew, what a relief that would have been really a bad situation. Still just as bad that he thinks doing foreplay on you is disgusting Cassie. That cannot be good for your self esteem let alone your pleasure.

Not all men like to do oral, I've had friends whose husbands wouldnt, but they would do manual. Does he think using his hand on you is disgusting?

[cassie66]

yes, he cannot bring himself to touch me with his hand or mouth he has never tried

[Joy]

I don't know the whole "not allowed to play with yourself in front of him" he need s to lossen up.... OMG he 's gotta throw those limitations off.... that is some sever sexual blockage.

Are good girls not suppose to touch themselves??

try soft bondage... such as a blindfold and a scarf tied very lose around his writs. Take the sexual control and pressure off of him.

Maybe the sight and arm restraints will take the restraints off his mind....

if that is a no go he needs to get intouch with himself and speak to someone


good luck and remember this is not you.... this is his problem but together show him patience and support and get thru it.

In the meantime pleassure yourself when he isn't around.....

[rcoreyus]

I'm not sure light bondage is a good idea - might just turn him off more. He seems really really inhibited.

I have a difficult time imagining thinking like that - I really enjoy sex and am open to a wide range of things, the blindfold and scarf idea sounds really exciting - to me. But to someone who is so repressed, it might sound "perverted".

I wish I knew what to do to help. My wife is also very shy in bed - though not nearly as bad as Cassie66's husband. But all I can really offer is sympathy - its miserable to have to live without an active sex life.

Then he is going to wonder why some day Cassie goes off and cheats on him.

[cassie66]

i am a adventurous person and would love to do try different things, i havew suggested this several times but get put off with excuses such as lateror im not in the mood. notdoing much sex lately as he always says he ahs back ache knees hurt shoulders ache headache etc etc i dont know what to beleive i want to beleive hhim, buti not 100% sure he is not exagerating his ailments slighty so i dont ask for sex. im so frustrated, he a young man, im 10 yrs his senior andhave so muc more stamina. also8 tmes out of 10 he doesnt orgasm. isit maybe because he ahsnt had many gfs? i know he dated a girl years ago for 4 yrs and they never had sex, he did tell mehe played with himself 4 times a day.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't know how true, but I have heard that men that have had more self-stimulation than that of a female tend to be harder to please sexually because they are so use to the way they do it. What was the sex like when you were first together? Did it taper off slowly or is this behavior new? I am also curious if he has always been inhibited to touching you in any other way besides intercourse?

[cassie66]

when i first methim we met only fird to mon as he lived far away he has never gien me oral. i just thought he was nervous and would over time but las no weve been together 15months now married for 5 months. he rarely reaches orgasm. im not getting nay at the mo as he says he has backache

[Phoebee]

"Healthy" men don't have problems getting erections. He has some kind of health problem. Most ED/Impotence is medical. A few cases are mental health ones. Before you do anything be sure he gets a complete physical and that he tells the doctor about this problem. Its very often the clue that helps them find the problem which could be serious!

As to his bedroom issues? Sheesh! After he is cured I would seriously have a talk with him. Prudish is one thing. Selfish is another. This guy combines both which I didn't think was possible. Have you ever considered watching some sex ed tapes/dvds with him? It sounds like he and you could really benefit! Google "Better Sex"