[Elysium]

Just curious if there's anything I can look for. My last relationship when I
was married she always gave me signs....like weekly for years that she
was into it. I would overhear her telling her girlfriends about how "great"
it was....she would also tell me openly that she really liked it and it
showed in her sex drive, etc. She was always showing me the little things.

IN my current relationship of 8 months the only things she said in 8 months
is....

"I love making love to you, I don't think I've ever told that to anyone before"

"That was magical"

I should say though that she has always been afraid to be naked around other guys and that she overcame that fear with me because she trusts me. Also she told me that she never hardly ever use to let anyone go down on her and with me she will. She also didn't have very much "sober" sex before and with me she has overcome this fear. I guess these are positives.

What scares me is that Ive only heard her describe our sex as "good" and also that one time she said

"I think that's the longest orgasm I've had with you" (right after the o, then she looked to her right and then back at me and said "or anyone"

LOL!!!

Let's just say the last part didn't make me feel good...it made me feel worse.

Should I just ask her?

I'm wondering whether or not I should get serious with her because I'm not sure that she's really hot for me. I don't want to be the married guy in ten years that has a wife who thinks of her past, you know? I would rather move on and find someone whom I know I can fulfill. I'm probably a little tainted because the last girl I was with was full of praise, not just for sex but in general praised people alot and was a very positive person.

Maybe she's scared to talk to me about it?

Confused.

[cwx9b8]

Every man wonders if he is rocking his girls world and guaranteed she is wondering the same. Women worry just as much as men do about pleaseing their partner. If she tells you she loves making love to you chances are she does. Hang in there. Don't jump ship yet she may still open up.

[kms]

She could just be really shy and uncomfortable talking about sex. I certainly was and still am although I'm getting a lot better about it. Is she comfortable seeing sex scenes, porn? Talking about sex in general with you or with others?

My bf is constantly checking in with me during sex and after (i.e. how does that feel, do you like that, do you want to try a different position, how would you rank that orgasm, how does it compare to last night's, etc). Because he's created such a safe and open environment to discuss what I'm embarrassed to talk about, I've slowly been able to open up more over time and be more honest an direct.

He's had several partners before me, so I've always felt awkward telling him that something he did was good, because he knows he's good; why does he need me to say the obvious? Especially since I have no real reference to compare it to besides him. But yet clearly he wants to be sure I'm satisfied and getting what I want - and if he's doing it in the best way possible. I wonder if your gf might be going through something like that.

[cassie66]

just ask her

[WildChild]

If she is shy you may have to ask in very specific ways rather than a general, how was that? Go exploring, how does touching this way feel on this part of your body? Will you show me? Have her guide your hand if she isn't comfortable touching herself. How about hotter/ colder? Make it a game - she can tell you if you are getting hotter or colder with how it feels. Get some books or tapes that you can explore together, there are some excellent ones on masterbation. Seeing other real women touching themselves may help her feel more comfortable with it. Regardless of how it comes out long term we should each try to create a situation where we and our partner will be better people for having been together.

[Richard S]

You have to have enough confidence to just ask her and be prepared for what she says. It's very personal for a woman to have a man inside her, and she may not have the right words, at least not at first. You may have to help her along.

The way I'd do it is to say, "I want you to tell me if there's anything I can do to make things better when we make love. I mean, would you like it if I were more aggressive, or if we tried different positions? Do you like it when I'm more emotionally available, or are there times when you wish I'd just shut up and f*ck you?"

You can also try opening up on your end, tell her what it's like for you. For most men it's like, "The first time we did it, the main thing I was thinking about was how lucky I was, how I never thought I could get a girl like you." Women love hearing stuff like that, as long as it's the truth, I mean.

I mean, that's how I'd do it. You have to choose for yourself how to open up the dialog. That's kinda what being in an intimate relationship with a woman is all about. There's an element of risk. Good luck.

[WildChild]

That's a good point Richard, there is an element of risk and real need for trust for a woman to open up. Some of you men would probably be amazed at the things a man will say to a woman when she tries to talk about what she would like sexually. It may be a lack of confidence on the man's part - but he can shut her down in moments, especially if she is a little shy or emotionally vulnerable. If a woman has been through that once or twice or a few times, she can become very reluctant to say anything and it can take time for her to develop the trust to do so.

My first husband was a master at this. When I very carefully expressed that there was something he was doing that I found painful, his response was, "No one ever complained before, there must be something wrong with you". This type or response happened several times, with him becoming angry or resentful. It was his way or the highway, even though we were talking about how he treated my body. I've talked to quite a few women who've had this type of experience.

If she is already on the shy side, something like this could be devistating to her ability to open up, trust and communicate. Women need reassurance that your desire is to pleasure her and that you understand that every woman is different and that you want to learn and share what delights her.

[nightqueen]

Just ask her.

[Steph33]

The BF and I always talked openly. He'd rather not do something to me or have me do something to him without talking about it first. It can be a tad scary if someone does something (or tries to make you do) that is unexpected, or might make a person feel degraded or some other bad reaction.

In the begining we just both just "laid it out" that this is what gets me going, this gets me in high gear, and here are things that get me to the finish line in first place. Since then we both added to our lists. As far as knowing if either of us succeeded or fullfilles the other, we're both the talker/moaner/screamer type during sex so it's easy to tell. I don't need him to tell me and I don't have to tell him it was good, great, etc. You should be able to obviously tell when you're doing it if the other is happy, excited, and then the fireworks.

Must say, the guy who said something to the effect "nobody else had complaints" when the girl said something was painful, is an inconsiderate .

[Magnetism]

My first husband was a master at this. When I very carefully expressed that there was something he was doing that I found painful, his response was, "No one ever complained before, there must be something wrong with you".

Same.