[ineedtoknow]

Hello everyone.

This is a serious question and i really need your help. I am from India and in my culture and religion we cant have relationships outside marriage. I want to get married but I will not get into any physical relationship with whoever I marry. However i will be allowed to talk to the girl and go out on dates with her (cinema , to eat etc).

I am a virgin but I know that I have a very high sex drive. My problem is that I will also marry another virgin but how on earth will I know that our sex drives are compatible?

I dont know if i have the courage to ask her. And even if i ask her I dont know if she will say the truth. so I really need your input here. How can I find out if a girl has a high sex drive? Can I tell just by looking at her? eg if she is slender and very girly does that mean that she will have a lower drive than a bigger boned woman? do more masculine women have higher drives?

or can i find out indirectly? for example if she is very keen to marry and is attracted to men does that mean she has a higher drive?

the reason i ask this is because my friend's woman is attracted to him but gives him no sex at all because she finds it disgusting. and we all know that there are men and women out there who always fustrate their partners.


anyone got any ideas?

[Hopeless Dork]

You won't be able to tell by looks, women of all shapes and sizes have various drives, and even those drives vary day to day and situation to situation for most women. Finding a woman with a high drive doesn't mean she will always keep it, and finding someone that is a virgin with no interest in sex may later develop a high drive after doing it.

Since you won't be having sex until marriage, you really just can't be 100 percent certain, but in actuality no one can. Some couples that both have high sex drives before marriage, change during marriage and one partner is unsatisfied.

If you have a high sex drive, it will just be your job during marriage to romance her and please her so that she enjoys it enough to want to do it as much as you do. You should be able to tell if someone is comfortable or interested in affection which can be an indicator of future intimacy, I think.

Like when you go to hold her hand if she pulls away and doesn't like it or if she holds your hand back and caresses it etc.. little things can show that someone is more playful and fun or more reserved and turned off by closeness.

[WildChild]

This is a toughie. If she is a virgin and presumably hasn't spend much time talking about sex or exploring her needs and feeling she may not know. If you are considering marriage you have a right and responsibity to discuss this as best you can, it is in both your best interests to do so. You do not say if you are Hindu or Muslim? Most of the western world is familiar with the Kama Sutra and if you are Hindu you could perhaps guide the conversation drawing some of these old writtings and texts? If you are muslim the two of you are supposed to spend time together and to discuss all things that could be relevant to your future relationship, there are hadith on this. Two people who are to be joined in marriage but who cannot explore this aspect at all before hand you have to talk, cell phones and email and such should make this easier than it has been and women all over the world have had increasing access to material such as magazines, movies and books that are dispelling the old myths that woman should tollerate sex for a man's satisfaction.

The previous poster is right that you will have to work to educate your self as best you can on how to please her and to educate both of you in what it takes to have a good sex life. Some customs such as displaying the bloody sheets the morning after the marriage to prove the brides virginity can inhibit the couple's need to perhaps take it more slowly and ease into sex. There are many books and materials on how to arouse and please a woman, I don't know what you have available or what censorship you have but books such as One hour Orgasm, The Orgasm Loop or The New Tantra give explainations on arousing and pleasing a woman. For women sex tends to have a strong emotional componet but expectations have a lot to do with it too.

When the opportunity comes chooses films, art exhibts and such to share with her that have something which may gives an opportunity for discussion. You may be surprised what you can accomplish in a dark cinema. Maybe not sex - don't get either of you in trouble- touching and some exploring?

We have a lady from India on here who is dealing with a husband who has little sexual interest while her's is high. It's a tough problem and even people who openly have sex before marriage deal with it as many posters here can attest. Open conversation is your best bet!

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Completely unhelpful post:

Find a new religion, one where you can sleep with a woman before you marry her (agnosticism is a good bet) - then you have a better chance of a happy marriage.

[Little]

Body type has nothing to do with it, but a woman who exercises regularly is more likely to have higher testosterone levels in her body. Of course, if she had low testosterone to begin with, it may not help.
Attitude and family upbringing have a lot to do with it. If a girl is brought up to think sex is disgusting, like your friend's girl, there's a good chance she won't do it. Maybe you'd be more comfortable asking about someone's attitude towards sex. But then again, there's such a thing as a "tease." A woman who plays at being very sexual (think teenagers) but is still the same deer in the headlights when you get her in bed.
Hopeless Dork says it all ... even if you get lucky with your wife and she's begging you for it, it may not stay that way ... and vice versa. Perhaps it's best to look for an open-minded wife who would be willing to talk issues out ... not just about sex, but about anything.

[sourpuss]

No way to ever know. A woman's sex drive changes throughout her life. It also changes depending on whom she is in a relationship with. If you wife having a high sex drive is the criteria you're basing a happy marriage on then it's probably best if you don't marry.

[SinisterUrge]

Completely unhelpful post:

Find a new religion, one where you can sleep with a woman before you marry her (agnosticism is a good bet) - then you have a better chance of a happy marriage.

1. India has hookers, so clearly this "cultural/religious" thing can and has been overlooked by a great number of Indian men many many times.

2. Marry a non-virgin who enjoys sex. Seek divine forgiveness later.

3. On the subject of religion, there are several that are much less restrictive of the sex/marriage thing. Some even have orgies.

[Magnetism]

I'm Indian as well..I'm not sure if this post was sarcasm, but I'm going to give serious input anyway.

Marry a non-virgin who enjoys sex. Seek divine forgiveness later

The majority of Indian men prefer virginal wives. It's not acceptable to be a female non-virgin in Indian culture, unless you want to be shamed and ruin your future chances of being marriage material.


[quote]India has hookers, so clearly this "cultural/religious" thing can and has been overlooked by a great number of Indian men many many times.
[quote]

These Indian men think it's okay to have sex with hookers, but they still aren't happy to marry a non-virginal woman. I can't emphasize enough how important female virginity in our culture is. Even being raped or molested still puts a woman in the "tainted category", b/c people will see her as being a non-virgin.

If anybody is curious as to why I'm so open about sex while being an Indian woman, it's because I'm anonymous on this forum and I enjoy being in touch with my sexuality. In real life though, it's not appropriate to advertise this front of the entire Indian community. It's common for Indian women pretend to be virgins, when they're not. Even if he was trying to find a non-virgin, it's going to be tough finding one who will admit it.

[Magnetism]

To answer your question, I think your best bet is to just ask or find out what turns her on after marriage. If you know what turns her on, then you can definitely get her in the mood when you're in the mood. The only problem is I don't know how or when you should bring up the asking.

[kms]

Do you have a sister by any chance? I know in some Asian cultures (Middle Eastern at least), the whole family is involved in learning about the potential spouse - i.e. the female relatives will go visit the potential bride and her female relatives to get an idea of who she is and what kind of family she comes from. If you have a sister (and you're somehow comfortable enough discussing this issue with her!!), or some other female relative, she may be able to find something like that out.

But as others have said, she may have been raised to dislike sex or to completely suppress her sexual desires (pretty much how I was raised), and although at first she may resist, with patience and gentle coaxing, she may come around and end up wanting sex more often than you! It just depends... as others have said, whichever religion you're from (Hinduism or Islam), you can find ample support from within the religion to promote the idea that sex is a great, natural, wondrous thing between two partners.