[insecuresex]

Hey all you sexy people..
so here is what im confused about..

Like I gave a little bit of my background before, but here is a recap. I was a virgin till I was 23, lost it during stupid drunk sex , although I wanted to save myself for someone special. Anyways so it has been a year since.

Now, I met this new guy (Joe). He aasked me if I wanted to go pregame/ chill with him last semester end. So I went over. I insisted that we go out to drink not at his house, but he wanted to go to his place, so we went. I drank one beer and I was done I didnt want to get sloshed. then we were talking and all of a sudden he kissed me...we made out for a while and then he indicated that he wanted to have sex. (This is the first time we are meeting/hanging out). I refrained, then we went out with a group of friends. During holidays he told me that he wanted to date me. so this semester he has been calling me and trying to hang out but I havent even once, because I am really confused if he really wants to date me or just wants to get laid. Because not once has be taken me out for dinner. and money is not an issue for him because he is loaded. He says he wants to study together.

Here's the thing. I am really attracted to him and I think we'll have great sex. but what im worried about is, what is he doesnt end up liking me or he dummps me?I dont know what to do, school is already stressful and some relief would be good. I am yet to meet a guy I love, but that will take a while to come. I do not want to spend this age where I could be enjoying sex, not enjoying it...live is too short. And since I have already lost my viginity I go like what the . bUt i am still scared of feeling hurt... weird huh..well i just want an opinion from uu guys, I know its hard.


what shuld i tell him to confirm that he officially wants to date me? like .. I dont want to feel like a , I want to be addressed by him as his gf. So what should I ask him to make sure thats whats in his mind and ensure me that Im not his random hook up?

THankyou guys
Ria

[Hopeless Dork]

That is tricky, dating is one thing "girlfriend" title is another, in my opinion. You date to find out if you want the person to be your "boyfriend/girlfriend" then it becomes a relationship. There is no rules of course, just its always worked this way from those I've seen. It sounds like you want to jump into being the girlfriend when you say you guys haven't really dated yet. I understand where you are coming from though because you dont want to have sex and have it be a fling, you want to know he is in a relationship with you first.

If thats the case and you think your feelings could get hurt, wait on the sex and enjoy the dating he obviously is interested in having with you. You can still make out, unwind and enjoy yourself and when you guys have dated for a while, you will know if he is going to see you as a girlfriend and be able to fully let your hair down at that point.

I wouldn't advise coming out and asking "do you think of me as a girlfriend" when you haven't really been dating, that could come off kind of strange. You can however be honest with him in your own intentions but I wouldn't state it so clear as you need to be his girlfriend to have sex with him, guys that want sex may say whatever it takes to make it happen. Feel like his girlfriend, let him show you that he's gonna be around for a while before doing it if you are worried about having sex outside of a relationship.

[insecuresex]

Thankyou for your reply...really helps me..

See I havent dated anyone before because I have always been busy studying etc. So I dont know how exactly does dating work. I am extremely new to this scenario. so please guide me guys..

OK but, say we are dating...
1. isnt it a rule of dating that the guy should take the girl out?
2. I think he still wants sex, because the first time we were together he said he wanted to but he didnt force me to or didnt get upset about it.
3. He told me that once we are dating he would restrict physical relations with me and just me

As a rule for dating, do people have sex while dating? or after how long of dating is it ok to have sex? do somee have sex as soon as they meet?

thankyou
ria

[Ashlee T.]

Yep...what she said. If you have sex with him when it's clear you're not dating...then why would he want to date you? He may be seeing if he can get what he wants, without having to invest a lot of time, or money into it. Dating can be expensive for guys, but if he has any true interest in you whatsoever, he'll date you....treat you like a woman deserves to be treated.
Just because you've had sex doesn't mean you're "used". Doesn't mean you should just give it up freely to someone that wants only that from you, unless of course you're okay with that. But don't have sex with him in order to make him like you, because it never works that way. And it leaves you feeling like "What's wrong with me that he doesn't want to date me?" Don't do that to yourself, your post lays it out very clearly that you are not ready and may never be the type of girl that can have a sex only relationship.

Don't be afraid to tell him what kind of girl you are. Don't be afraid to tell him that you're not comfortable having sex with someone you're not in a relationship with. That's not asking him for a relationship.....it's just being honest. If he decides he wants to date you, then let him....go out and enjoy the newness of dating him, but don't give that part of yourself up until YOU are totally ready.

[insecuresex]

Yep...what she said. If you have sex with him when it's clear you're not dating...then why would he want to date you? He may be seeing if he can get what he wants, without having to invest a lot of time, or money into it. Dating can be expensive for guys, but if he has any true interest in you whatsoever, he'll date you....treat you like a woman deserves to be treated.
Just because you've had sex doesn't mean you're "used". Doesn't mean you should just give it up freely to someone that wants only that from you, unless of course you're okay with that. But don't have sex with him in order to make him like you, because it never works that way. And it leaves you feeling like "What's wrong with me that he doesn't want to date me?" Don't do that to yourself, your post lays it out very clearly that you are not ready and may never be the type of girl that can have a sex only relationship.

Don't be afraid to tell him what kind of girl you are. Don't be afraid to tell him that you're not comfortable having sex with someone you're not in a relationship with. That's not asking him for a relationship.....it's just being honest. If he decides he wants to date you, then let him....go out and enjoy the newness of dating him, but don't give that part of yourself up until YOU are totally ready.

Thankyou Ms.Beautiful
I told him before that I was not ok with having sex unless I was dating that person. Actually I do not mind having sex if we were officially dating. But he has shown no signs of dating he never took me out, just told me to come over and "hang out" or study. which is another way of saying come over so we can hook up. I told him that I was not ok with having sex with a person unless im dating him or I m in a relationship with him, then he said, "lets date". I really get an indication that he just wants sex. dont u guys think so too? If we go out together i doubt he ll hold hands with me and do the whole PDA thing...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

To put it bluntly? Your a challenge.

1. No i want to go out to drink not at your house... - (mmm so that means she fears that she may let me sleep with her if at home.

2. He kissed you and you liked it and it was evident, given the opportunity, you may end up in his bed, so ( hang out - study - my place)...

3. No, I won't have sex, unless I date... (Ok, let's date)...

Then he offers you the exclusive "sex" card...

Where is the respect and wanting to see "you"..?

He may be cute, he may be hot but trust your gut feelings, if he really wanted to get to know you, none of those conversations would be had..

His next step may very well be, "let's go out for dinner".. Then you think great, he likes me, then it would be, lets go home and watch a video, and bang, deed done..

Can I offer you some advice?

DON'T TELL A GUY when he can or can't have sex... You put the thought into his mind of how he can get around that, to get you to... You become a challenge.

They don't need to know...

Want to hang out? - Make it clear then that your only friends..

Want to be taken out? - If they don't ask you, then there not interested in you as a person, so ignore the pleas.

And, lastly, have confidence in yourself, if you don't want to have sex with someone you say NO. That's it.

But, if you want to have fun, then you need to just see it as that and take away any emotions. Unfortunately, for most Women, once they have slept with a guy the expect that they are straight away a girlfriend. It doesn't work that way.

CW

[insecuresex]

" But, if you want to have fun, then you need to just see it as that and take away any emotions. Unfortunately, for most Women, once they have slept with a guy the expect that they are straight away a girlfriend. It doesn't work that way."

Thanks CW, you are so right... I am removing the thoughts of this guy from my mind right away I feel like I am so immature and I m glad I found this site..

I am better off dreaming about the other guy that I have a crush on and he doesnt want to get laid.. I am a little confused about him too, I posted that on the dating section...

thankyou so muchhh
riaa..

[Guest]

From a guys perspective CW said a many good things, true, you should never lay your cards out like that to a guy about what are the prerequisites on how or when you will have sex. Certainly like CW said a guy will then do the manipulation to get to that end.

To me he's just wanting at this point to have sex. It was obvious in your 1st encounter.

From here tho since you have already laid your cards out and you do want to be with this fellow I feel you should follow thru with you wanting him to take you out. Let him know you'd like to and if he does then you will just have to play it from there. Chances are like CW said he will want you to go to his place and you will have the challenge again if you decide to go. You don't have to go but thats going to be entirely up to you and how you react.

If you hold off long enough where you to can get to know ea. other then he could very well change his mind about you in the tho't, hey I like this girl and would like to go steady as we use to call it in my day.

The flip side has already been mentioned above by others. You have the choice of just dating and giving it up to have a good time and leave the emotions out of it.

I'm a little different than some guys, I always had emotions involved in my girls that I dated. Not one girl did I ever see that didn't end up being some kind of B/F - G/F type of relationship, lol, well maybe not everyone of them but a good 98%.

However you do it. Do it with the tho't of having fun and take it as a learning curve

[Guest]

Sorry, you and Iwere posting at the same time, didn't know, Hope I didn't confuse you decision any. Good Luck!