[Richard S]

I don't do online relationships. I want to make that clear. This was something I didn't expect at all. I always told myself that I would never be one of those people who date online.

I think we all felt that way the first time we slept with someone we met online.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't do online relationships. I want to make that clear. This was something I didn't expect at all. I always told myself that I would never be one of those people who date online. I didn't believe that it was real, AT ALL. He proved me wrong. My intentions were not to meet him, ever. I can't help that my feelings grew for the great person that he is. I wouldn't change it.

I think you totally missed what Richard was saying..

RichardS

Having a thing is a different experience than wanting or fantasizing about it.

Doing stuff on-line is a way to meet people. It's a way to supplement the physical, in-person relationship. It's not a substitute for that. Except when it is. Favoring virtual relationships to real ones is a trap. A trap many people fall into these days.

It was inevitable that there would be a period of adjustment, and it sounds like everything is going fine.

He is stating "talking" via the internet or "fantasizing" about what you would do, is totally different than "doing it"...

He is also stating that you meet people on-line, just like you do in a coffee shop however, it's not physcial or in person, it's a different form of relationship until you do... It can't be a substitute because until you meet in person you really don't know what will happen.. This is why he is saying it can be a trap.

Gee. I mean I at 45 dating a few guys from on-line dating for in-stance and whom they said they were even their pictures were not what they were or even looked like, some being 10 years older than their pictures, this is what he is stating.

So in short, he is saying that it is easier to communicate via written word than it is physical or orally in person, that's natural and normal...

As for what to do? I think you have your answer, ask him..

Communication is the only way within a relationship or else you don't have one.

CW

[Richard S]

Thanks CW.

When you ask yourself what a relationship is, maybe it's a bunch of things you build up in your mind about someone. We tend to make the mistake of being in relationship with that thing rather than the real person. We can make this mistake in any relationship, but it's more common when you meet someone online.

You have to be willing to alter, or even destroy parts of this structure in order to accommodate the real human being. He has to be willing to do this too. Just as a woman wants the man to be a good lover, she also expects him to be good at managing the process of building the relationship. Maybe he's just unsure how to proceed, how to be the lead in the dance.

If his heart is in the right place, and he's worthy of your trust, then just trust him, and trust the process.

Am I making any sense here?

[ThexMrs]

I think we all felt that way the first time we slept with someone we met online.

Oh boo! Lol.

I think you totally missed what Richard was saying..



He is stating "talking" via the internet or "fantasizing" about what you would do, is totally different than "doing it"...

He is also stating that you meet people on-line, just like you do in a coffee shop however, it's not physcial or in person, it's a different form of relationship until you do... It can't be a substitute because until you meet in person you really don't know what will happen.. This is why he is saying it can be a trap.

Gee. I mean I at 45 dating a few guys from on-line dating for in-stance and whom they said they were even their pictures were not what they were or even looked like, some being 10 years older than their pictures, this is what he is stating.

So in short, he is saying that it is easier to communicate via written word than it is physical or orally in person, that's natural and normal...

As for what to do? I think you have your answer, ask him..

Communication is the only way within a relationship or else you don't have one.

CW

Yes, I do understand that it is totally different, that being reality and fantasizing about the possibilities. I do understand more now about the "trap" since you have explained it better (no offense) and with examples.

Oh I am the queen of communication. I can't stress that enough to people who don't communicate. This particular subject however is hard to address because of how things happened... Or should I say, didn't happen. At least not on my end. I never want to make him feel inadequate.

Thank you guys.

Yes Richard, you're making sense. Thank you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well I speak Richard's language, actually I think I always have?

lol...

[acerousme]

I don't want to sound naive by the statement I am going to make but... The sex was not pressured. We were kissing and it just came up. He said prior to coming out that if I needed him to prove that he loved me that we wouldn't have sex.

AWE!!!

we've got a keeper, and I truly wish you the BEST of luck!!!

[WildChild]

Few of us communicate as well as we'd like to or think we do. Studies (who knows how valid they ever are) indicate that most communcation is non verbal. Actual words are supposedly only 7% of what is communicated. I don't know that I agree with that in written communication but we read the words and put our own slant on it, we do the same with verbal over the phone or in person, although tone and inflection should make someone's meaning clearer. The ease of misunderstandings occurring has been demostrated right on this thread. You posted on a public forum apparently expecting a certain type of response or reinforcement of your ideas, when you didn't get it you appeared defensive and huffy. Maybe you weren't? See the concern?

You are sexually inexperienced, having a LDR with someone you met online. I've never done this but have a freind who did. He moved to her city, fortunately not in with her and it was great, for a little while, then some serious characture flaws came to the surface. It got very ugly. Now on the other hand I have a niece of sorts who met her hubbie on line and they've been happily married for several years.

You've got several things to deal with, one is sex. You haven't got enough experience yet to know what you don't know. Nothing wrong with that but it does make it harder for you to judge the sexual experience. It sounds like he is a pretty good guy, go on ahead and live in the same area, that will provide the proximity you haven't had. Don't share a place yet. Give it time.

[Guest]

I've never done this but have a friend who did. He moved to her city, fortunately not in with her and it was great, for a little while, then some serious character flaws came to the surface. It got very ugly. Now on the other hand I have a niece of sorts who met her hubbie on line and they've been happily married for several years.

I would say that most of us here on this forum that have relationship problems are people that did not meet on the internet, and this is just 1 forum among probably thousands. We find relationship problems, character flaws if you will, that we deal with on a daily basis with or without the communication of LDR's thru the internet.

Myself, even tho sometimes explaining my
is difficult I find it easier than trying to explain it verbally, thats just me. Being able to think it thru a little longer helps me to establish my thot's. Here for example, if I decide I should not say a certain thing before hitting post reply I can erase it, saving me or someone else an embarrassment.

What is missed and I agree with WC on this, is the tone and inflection is missing and that helps to know ones character in a personal kind of way.
Verbally I may not like the way someone says something but someone else can say the same thing and I'll like it better because the way they express themselves.
Nevertheless character flaws are found how ever you meet someone. Is this not right WC?

You've got several things to deal with, one is sex. You haven't got enough experience yet to know what you don't know. Nothing wrong with that but it does make it harder for you to judge the sexual experience.

I too agree the sexual encounter that goes along with this type of relationship would be the biggest issue to deal with, whether one has experience or not. Specially since the fantasy of the mind plays a big part in this.

[ThexMrs]

AWE!!!

we've got a keeper, and I truly wish you the BEST of luck!!!

Thank you!

[ThexMrs]

WILDCHILD:

If I came off as defensive then I apologize... For the most part. I know that I posted this in a public forum and I wanted to get all kinds of responses from all kinds of people. I wasn't looking for one answer and I didn't have one in mind.

We are all entitled to our own opinions but I don't feel that you can judge what is too soon for me to have sex with anyone. If that is when I came in defensive, I feel that I had that right. I don't think that these Forums are for being judged. What works for you may not work for me. So for defending the timeline of when him and I had sex I think is fair. 6 months in this day and age is a long time.