[WildChild]

I think Marycate is absolutely right, exersize and diet are key in this as in all health issues. I'm in my early 50s and have always had a high libido (unless I'm miserable), I'm definitely perimenopausal but as long as I am active and eat well I have virtually no symptoms and am feeling great! Getting better all the time in fact. Dryness is not an issue and I take antihistimines regularly. I do drink pretty much only water or tea, love my chocolate but never drink soda, stick to mostly home cooked, natural foods and hormone free meats, organic dairy.

I do believe that the BGH and other junk they feed animals which in turn passes to you have an affect. If girls are starting their periods at young and younger ages because of this inappropriate hormone exposure, why wouldn't it also affect us at other ages?

The bladderwrack is a seaweed or seaweed extract. It may be helping balance some dietary imbalance? But do be careful apparently it can contain arsenic and have a high heavy metals content which could be very bad for you over time.

Libido is tied to health and a healthy body is important but so is a healthy relationship and healthy mind! You have to work on all three!

[westcoastgal]

We do the Organic thing, and my husband is a hunter so most of our meat comes off the range. I've toyed with the idea of a raw diet, or a veg. diet, just for health and weight, but I have to feed the rest of the crew too so that won't work. I can't spend all day in the kitchen!! I'm with you on the growth hormones in foods!! Thankfully our kids all had bsh free milk all along, and moslty range foods.

I've been reading threads on ANR...that might help jump-start the sexual relationship! not sure I can spend so much time trying to get it to work, but I"ll research it and see what I find. Who knows, maybe I can get that going again...that would be awesome!

[studaye]

Lasting longer

This reply is mostly for westcoastgal but maybe others will find it useful too. I'm a west coast guy who is 41 and happily married (15 year anniversary coming up) and I have some experience with both low libido in my wife and me not lasting long enough. I often wonder if there is a correlation between these two things but she assures me there is not. When we have sex, which is about once every 5 weeks, the sex is good. We both feel satisfied and enjoy it, but for a number of reasons (many of which are too complicated for me to fully understand) we have not been able to manage to have it any more frequently. For a while the disparity between our actual and my desired frequency (I've often thought that once every two weeks would be my preferred frequency) would wear on me but I have always believed that sex is a two-way street and forcing her, even in the most subtle ways, is not something I'm interested in. To help me cope I started keeping track of the dates we have sex and using a spreadsheet to chart it. This sounds totally dorky, I admit, but it helped when I started doing it and I've kept at it for about 2.5 years. This is how I can tell you that we had sex 4 times in a 52 day span - once every 13 days - and it was awesome, but that our overall average is around once every 34 days.

So that's the low libido thing - the good news is that my chart indicates our frequency is actually improving and that gives me hope that the future will only get better. Regarding the lasting longer thing I have a few suggestions. My wife takes a lot longer to reach orgasm than I do but we both orgasm every time (after 15 years, trust me, I can tell). To make sure she orgasms I often (as in more than half the time) go down on her. We both enjoy this a lot and I am able to read her arousal state very clearly this way. The problem with this, however, is that I'm not just sitting at square zero, arousal-wise, while I'm enjoying the most intimate part of her body. I'll spare the details here (in an attempt to keep this on the up-and-up) but suffice it to say that watching her arousal signs from down there is enough to really get me going. By the time I enter her I'm already well along to wrapping up myself. This is a bummer because that's the part we both enjoy the most. What to do? There are a few things I have found to help. First, and healthiest, is for me to go for a really long and hard bike ride so I'm kinda wiped out physically. Amazingly this doesn't affect how much I enjoy sex - I'm just as into it - but I'm able to last a lot longer. I make it a point to hop on that bike on the 5-week weekend days (we almost always have sex on a weekend night). Second, is something I've only done a couple times and is maybe a little embarrassing to say but masturbating some time before we have sex also works. The problem with this technique is that sex is usually kinda spontaneous (I never really know when she's going to utter the magic words) and I'm not really into regular masturbation during the day. :-) The last idea, related to the previous one, is one we haven't used in a long time, but if I orgasm first before focusing on her, then by the time she's ready for me I can be ready to go again. This requires her tending to my needs first and we're kind of in a "her first" mode now, which I don't mind at all except for that lack of longevity thing. She tells me any time I've mentioned how it bugs me that it's absolutely no problem in her opinion and that she is 100% satisfied. That said, any time I have managed to last longer than she expected she has seemed to enjoy it more. I haven't resorted to any chemical remedies because I'm an anti-drug kind of person, but who knows? Maybe that would be another way to make sex better and hence improve libido.

As others have said, communication is key. My wife and I have a great rapport with one another and we know that the sex we have isn't a total raging success but it's only one part of our wonderful relationship and when we take everything into account, it's all good. Good luck finding your groove and enjoying your partner more.

[SarahW]

Hi Theresa,
The good news is that there are safe nonprescription and prescription solutions (below), many of which have been proven in published studies to increase a woman’s sex drive. Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.

Of course, you should talk with your doctor. But here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Have your doctor check your thyroid function.
• Check out the side effects of any medications that you may be taking.

• Zestra (nonprescription)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines.

• Hormone Therapies (prescription only)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor’s prescription.

• Vitamin E (nonprescription)
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation.