[skipper]

njman, I think it comes down to whether you can trust her and if you still want to be with her. It really matters not if it was empty or good or bad sex. What matters is that she violated your trust and hurt you.

Do you think this was a one time mistaken fling or not? I have to wonder how commited she is to your relationship. You two need a long honest frank talk about expectations and what you both want and expect out of your relationship. People screw up and make mistakes. You will have to determine if this is a one time mistake and if you can recover from it.

This is a tough one. Best of luck.

[njman2008]

i didn't mean to offend you. She did take responsibility for it and that was just part of what she said. She said that he was the only one around (we were having issues) and he would listen to her and then be like now you have to do this for me. She was lost and had other issues too. She kept going back because she had no one else and didn't expect it to continue. Shesaid she was on a certain level, doing it to hurt herself.

[njman2008]

just to add a bit more. We have been dating for 6 years now. We had ony had sex with each other up to this point. I have a hard time with that. I never ran around and now I have all of these insecurities. I feel regret and at the same time I can't let go.

[njman2008]

sorry last post, she was also molested when she was very young. She compared the affair to feeling and remembering all the feelings she had with being molested.

[WildChild]

It sounds like the two of you have a pretty deep commitment. Only you can decide how this affects you and the relationship. If the two of you were separated for a while that may put it in a different light. It really comes down to how much damage this has done and can the you maintain or rebuild your trust?

[skipper]

It sounds like the two of you have a pretty deep commitment. Only you can decide how this affects you and the relationship. If the two of you were separated for a while that may put it in a different light. It really comes down to how much damage this has done and can the you maintain or rebuild your trust?

Yeah, what she said.

[mewhenim]

could it also mean you were there physically, but not emotionally, if that makes sence. I had sex with someone trying to get over my husband leaving me and I felt nothing, I told him to enter from behind. I didn't tell him I didn't want to look at him, I just stared at the wall waiting for it to be over. It felt empty to me.

[tesoro]

njman 2008, I am wondering how things are going for you now? Has your trust been rebuilt or did your relationship deteriorate?

I have had a similar situation happen. My husband was encouraging me to fantasize about having sex with other men...actually he was fantasizing aloud about that each and every time we were having sex. He went as far as convincing me that he had arranged for an acquaintance of his to have sex with me while he watched. Needless to say, our sex began to feel very "empty" for me. He did not respect my wishes that we try to have romantic sex instead of all this lustful, kinky stuff he seemed to be hooked on. He told me the reason he did not behave romantically in the bedroom was because he noticed that talking dirty was the only way to arouse me to the level he wanted. Needless to say, our problems in the bedroom have ended up in our separating. I realize now that he was very controlling in many ways and that I allowed that to happen for too long.

[LanaBear]

Old thread.

Please start a new one if you wish.

Closed.