[RunLola]

My boyfriend and I have been together for half a year now and had intercourse many times. Sex was never very long, maybe 8 minutes at most, but at least there was minor foreplay from him. I was OK with not having the "best" sex life. But recently he does no foreplay, doesn't even take my shirt, skirt, or bra off, and ejaculates in under a minute of intercourse (He's 27 BTW, this isn't a teen ejaculation problem). This is the absolute worst sex I've ever imagined, and it leaves me feeling dirty and used. He's completely satisfied with it however.
I've tried talking to him about it, but all it does it make him scared to even attempt sex. Right now, there is no sex life at all. I'm not sure what to do, I'm 20, never had an orgasm, and he's only the 2nd person I've ever even kissed... I want to experience something more at least once! I don't want to ever dump him for sexual inability, so please tell me you have some advice

[WildChild]

John Grey the guru of Mars and Venus says that men are efficiency experts. Why take an hour if you can do it in 8 mins? Why take 8 mins if you can do it in 2? Sometime fully dressed, away from the bedroom, sit him down and talk about what you need. Tell him how much you love to have him touch you and caress you, to feel his kisses and that while an occasional quickie is alright and even fun you want the real deal. The full treatment. Explain to him that in order to stay responsive to and turned on by him, you need to feel cared about and loved and that requires much longer build up and that you need to orgasm with him. Whether that is by hand or tongue or intercourse, you need that association of orgasm with him.

I had this situation in my younger days and didn't nip it in the bud and ended up with a man who was a chronic premature ejaculator. He hadn't started out that way but informed me that he enjoyed it and saw no reason to change - good bye - end of that. Deal with it now before he set into the pattern.

[Peacheskreme]

do you tell him the truyh about not having orgasms? A long time ago I used to fake orgasms with my first boyfriend. I realized that was just enabling him to keep doing what he was doing. After that boyfriend I swore to always be true and it helped. A lot

Also ask him to masturbate before at least an hour before you have sex. If he agrees then he really wants to make you happy. It will kill some time before he can do it again.

[Hopeless Dork]

He's old enough to know better, he is being selfish or just plain dense if he doesn't realize that you aren't being satisfied with that. It's one thing if he's a premature ejaculator but another thing all together that he doesn't at least attempt to please you in other ways and focus in on foreplay since he knows the main event will not be so MAIN.

Giving him a complex about the quick shooting off won't help the situation, but there is no reason wanting to be touched and held and arroused by him prior to it should have an adverse effect. Definitly don't fake orgasms like the above poster said, it just won't educate him on your needs that way.

When things start getting heated and you know he's going in for the prize a little too quick.. try doing something different, maybe some oral sex on him, not giving a whole lot of friction.. just enough to keep him erect but not push him over the top. Put his hands on you and show him where and how you like to be touched. Remind him of the things he use to do that pleased you. "The other night I was thinking about that one night when you ______ , that was so sexy..." etc. etc.

When he does something you enjoy, tell him it feels good. Ask him not to stop and praise him afterward. Most men WANT to know they have pleased their partner so he will most likely try repeating behaviors he knows please you.

[RunLola]

Thanks for the swift replies.

To Peacheskreme: I've never outright told him I had one, but then again, he never asked. I will ask him to masturbate before although I'm not exactly tactful at wording, thanks. I don't think I even know how to fake an orgasm anyway

To WildChild: I'll try explaining it. He just falls into routines often and then is too stubborn to change. Hope this isn't one of those things

Any other advice is always welcome, thanks.

[amaranthine]

I would suggest having him work on controlling his orgasm. Build him up, then make him stop, and repeat this a couple times before letting him finish. If he doesn't have a real medical issue with premature ejaculation, then he can learn to control it.
Or, while having sex, distract him, make him stop or slow down, etc. Sex isn't about one person, it's about both of you. If he tries to have sex with you without any foreplay, do something about it. Stop him, say you're not ready yet and that he should warm you up first. If he's not okay with that... then that tells me he's not interested enough in your pleasure and perhaps you're not with the right person...

[happy ending]

havent really got any advice, but dont let him make it your "fault". my ex was the same and i was also very inexperienced. he always said i couldnt orgasm because there was something wrong with me. however there wasnt. hope you get it sorted out.

[GRUMPY-N-PLUT0]

i KN0W H0W THAT F33LS WH3N TH3Y D0NT GIV3 U TH3 WH0L3 S3X S3CTi0N U N33D

[CHANDLERS WISH]

i KN0W H0W THAT F33LS WH3N TH3Y D0NT GIV3 U TH3 WH0L3 S3X S3CTi0N U N33D

Translated?

I know how that feels when they don't give you the whole sex section you need...

May wish to check if your 3's can be e's...... too hard to read.

CW

[rcoreyus]

Run Lola Run. He sound selfish - no worse than selfish. It sounds like he doesn't enjoy giving you pleasure, and I think that means he will never be a good lover. Does he show he cares about you in non-sexual ways?