[shnake]

Just some back round. I’m married for 10 years and have 2 daughters (6 and 2). The problem I have is that my wife doesn’t want to go down on me. Let me first say that I’m super clean down there. I make sure of that. On my side I love it to go down on her and I can assure you that she loves it…mmm. I’ve often asked her why, but then she just change the subject. Am I selfish or do you maybe have some advice for me or for her.

[desperate for help]

here is my advise if you have 2 kids been married for 10 years be happy you still get any at all.trust me if you start to push to many times your next post will be i am not getting enough.look at some of the other posts on here and realize that your problem is not a problem at all

dont join the cant get any club give her flowers and oral and take what you get in return

[SFDad]

"I’ve often asked her why, but then she just change the subject."

I disagree slightly with Desperate. You have been married for 10 years so sounds like this issue pre-dates kids. So, assuming your wife is still enthusiastic about sex when given enough sleep and privacy, this is really about you having a desire for something she has issues for.

I think you need to try to communicate with her more- and thats not necessarily easy. But you need to have this honest discussion with her, and tell her your feelings about it. This might even require couples counseling to resolve. I know some people think that this might be silly- but this is an issue that can simmer between a couple.

I know of women who have never done oral simply because they worry they would do it badly or wrong- when their man would be overjoyed just to have the attention. I also have met women who have had seriously bad experiences with it in the past. Only your wife can tell you what it is. Time to take the kids to Grandma's house, open a bottle of wine and talk.

[Ms A]

I couldn't agree with SFDad more, you have to make a big effort and get her talking. Especially since you say you like doing it for her and she enjoys - not fair I think.
As a small tip for conversation, before you state that this is your need and that she should do it for you, try your best to find out the reason why she refuses. It is important to speak in terms of other person's interest in order to open them up in conversation. Maybe it is, indeed, so serious that needs special attention: counseling or reassurance. I mean, we've got some women here who said they had very bad experiences with oral sex with non-caring, selfish ex-partners, and, as the result, they don't like doing it for the current partners, even though new man is loving and caring and attentive.
I hope you resolve the issue, best of luck.

[WildChild]

Good advise. Good old John Grey in his Mars and Venus in the bedroom does a pretty good job of explaining an easy to do, non intimidating bj, that doesn't have to involve taking your penis in her mouth. She may have had a negative experience with it at some time. There are men who will simple grab a woman's head and pretty much try to shove it down her throat. Always seems like a dangerous thing to do but they seem to be fearless of teeth. Let her know she doens't have to do a remake of deep throat to do a great job of it.
If she's at all open to the idea she might find the book, Going Down, worth reading. It explains that once they are all wet and slippery and you've got your tongue and your hand(s) working a man can't tell what you are using, he's just into the feeling. I've confirmed this, my guy is big fan of bjs and gets them regularly and he can't tell. He doesn't care either.

If she's willing to start working into it, call it oral rather than a bj, don't push the swallowing. You might investigate diet and taste and make appropriate changes so that if she is willing to give it a try and doesn't mind the taste of your pre-cum she may be more open to trying more of it later on.

[Ms A]

You know, WildChild, I love giving oral pleasure to my boyfriend - one of the biggest turn-ons for me and I do that a lot, but I wanna read the book too. Always good to educate myself more. I think in many cases where partners complain about similar issues, lack of sexual education is a big part of it.

[Richard S]

Well, the fact that you married her indicates this issue was not a deal-breaker for you. It's totally unfair these days, how you can go onto the internet and see how women behave in these most intimate moments.

Do the best you can as a husband to stay in shape and provide that passionate, masculine experience that women crave. She needs to make the choice to step outside her comfort zone and try pleasing you that way. But it's her choice. I've had close gay friends over the years but I could never put a guy's thing in my mouth, so I have no right to question anyone else, male or female. How some women learn to not just do it, but love it is beyond me.

I had a girlfriend when I was younger who couldn't do it because of some bad history. Let's just say we got really good at handjobs. It's not about the act, it's about the frame of mind you bring to it.

[Ms A]

Yes, it is very personal and depends on your level of comfort and view on sex. Also, relationship type.
I admit that for some of my ex-partners i was not willing to do it. For different reasons. Didn't seem clean, they weren't doing it for me, just didn't seem sexy, were too aggressive etc. But I assume that these two are married and shouldn't have any of those issues.
For this guy I am with now - I can't think of anything I woudln't do if he wanted me too. I think hard and just can't find such a thing. And everything, every single thing we try becomes a turn on just because of the chemistry we have.

[rcoreyus]

Some women just don't like it, and don't see why they should do it. My wife has tried a few times (in 25 years). She knows how much I like it, and each time she will make a comment about how she should do it more often - then another 5 years goes bye. I ask once or twice a year, but without much hope.

We only have sex at all once or twice a month. Based on discussions here, a lot of married men have it much worse.

I don't think you are selfish - why wouldn't she do something you enjoy so much - but I don't think you are going to get much oral either.

For reference I do anything my wife wants in bed, I'm absolutely clean, reasonably fit, not horrible to look at, give hire back-rubs, flowers, love notes, hugs, travel to exotic and romantic places, and watch Jane Austin movies - not in order to get sex, but because I enjoy being with her.



Like the original poster, I read dozens of posts here by women who enjoy giving oral, and have to accept that it is something I am not going to get.

In summary, join the club. :-(

[jilljames8184]

Speaking from experience, if my man is doing me orally and its feeling good; I am going to have his penis in my mouth. So in case you don't understand; get in a 69 before you start on her. If she doesn't react right away; gently place her hand on your penis without stopping what you are doing. As she gets excited it may start with stoking, but as she reaches the big one, if you are doing your part right, she will soon be deep throating. Its a great feeling to be cumming and doing a man orally at the same time. For me anyway.