[babicakesz]

my boyfriend and i have been together for two years and some change now. we met when we were 17 and we both are currently 19 years old. we have been sexually active for about a year and three months. we never had any problems with our sex life... until now. recently his mother kicked me out of her house and so he decided to come with me. we are staying at a hotel that i work at. the first night here, we made love and everything went as usual. today is tuesday... on monday we made love again, but he got soft and did not finish. today we started making love and a couple seconds later he got soft again. this never ever happend before. i just got done crying my eyes out, like is there something wrong with me??? we smoke weed a lot, we always have and that never affected his performance. can someone please give me some advice. he says maybe its the new enviorment, or maybe its the weed. but we made love in hotels before and like i said we've been smoking for the longest.

[Hopeless Dork]

He's likely too young to be having erectile disfunction due to any health problems. I seriously doubt weed would do this at his age either. I'd be willing to wager its stress, he is moved out of his mom's house, probably feeling uncertain and unsafe as far as 'where to go from here' etc and that can take away from being able to focus on feeling good sexually.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, he loves you enough to leave with you and you have always been able to get his fire kicking before - its the surroundings, its the change of circumstances in his life that are likely causing this. Bringing it to his attention, freaking out about it.. isn't going to help.

The more things settle down the more it will improve I am sure. It's likely your mind has wondered to worries sometimes when having sex.. or thinking about something that makes you lose focus on your orgasm or arrosal but with women it goes unnoticed unfortunately for guys its pretty obvious.

[rcoreyus]

This happens to most men from time to time. The problem is that the more he worries about it, the worse it gets. If you are "crying your eyes out" he knows you are upset, and the more desperate he is to get hard to please you, the worse it will get. So - find something else to do in bed. In addition to a penis, men are equipped with tongues, fingers and toes. Various sex toys can be bought (or improvised) . Explore all the other fun things you can do in bed and he will most likely recover.

[babicakesz]

okay i understadn that but he thinks he needs Viagra and we have been fighting about this for a couple of hours now. he wanted me to take him home but i don't want to do that. he might love me but i still can't understand why worrying or moving out his mom's house is affecting him sexually. like i said.. the FIRST night at the hotel, he came, but now he can't he gets soft within 5 seconds of entering me. when will this change? how come stress affects guys like that?

[rcoreyus]

I have no idea why stress affects men that way - but it does (it isn't just women who have emotional hang-ups involving sex). I've heard that a problem at some infertility clinics is that normally healthy men aren't able to provide sperm when it is needed - there is too much time pressure.

I think there are similar problems for a lot of women - stress can cause them to loose interest in sex.

I would NOT consider viagra - drugs have side effects, and he is probably perfectly healthy physically.

I would consider finding out what he fantasizes about and doing it for him.

You might stop the weed for a bit to see if it makes a difference.

I'm a bit concerned from some of your comments "crying your eyes out", "fighting about this", you are just adding to the poor guy's stress. If you aren't careful, not only won't he get hard, but he may leave.

[Joy]

Its his problem don't take it on as its reflection of you. Look beyond that and help him cope with this stress. Don't get hung up on he still wants his mom guys don't cut the apron strings as fast atleast some and momma's boys never do entirly.

this is new so its scary and the omg why's come into play is it me OMG... but its not you lay off the weed a bit maybe its making him too sensitive over his emotions.

[amaranthine]

I've heard that smoking too much weed can eventually cause sexual problems, especially with fertility. I definitely suggest to stop smoking. It might seem like it's helping him cope with his stress and all... but really, it's only covering it up and he's not dealing with what's really bothering him. Pretty soon, 's going to hit the fan, and it won't be nice.

You two need to work this out without being on the influence so often. I'm perfectly aware that it doesn't really hurt you, but it does affect how you think, and when you use it so often, it could be affecting moods, stress levels, and how you handle things - like repression.
I mean come on, you're living in a hotel. That's not a real home and your boyfriend is probably somewhat worried about the direction of your future together. Sex is not everything. I know it's upsetting when it's blocked off to you, but it sounds to me like there are much bigger things to worry about.

[SFDad]

Okay, when I read about this my first thought is: what is boyfriend doing during the day? Is he just hanging out at the hotel waiting for you to get off work and entertain him? If so....I wouldn't be surprised if he had masturbated 2-3 times during the day. I may be completely off base, but that may be it.

Other than that...it might be a real control issue- sounds like you were living at his house before, you had less authority- now he is living under 'your' roof and sounds like he doesn't even have his own transportation.

Here is another idea- let him go home and figure it out.

Other thoughts: if he really is soft but horny- have him show it- let his tongue do the talking until Mr. Happy is interested in playing again.

And does he stay hard if you go down on him?

I am still thinking he is jerking off during the day though.

[babicakesz]

he doesnt "jerk off" i work right down the hall so i come in and check up on him ... but we had sex 2 times since i've posted ... and he came ... didn't get soft or anything ... but .. we talked about it and he said he gets soft cuz he thinks about not getting soft [because of the first time this happend] well yeah so ... we dont have sex as much as we use to .. now we're down to once a week if that .. he is embarassed and idk why but i dont know .... when i touch him in that area he gets hard but i didnt try to go down on him or anything ... but ... yeah i dont know what his problem is still ...

[SFDad]

Okay- I will take your word that he isn't jerking off, but I will tell you- a 19 year old with time on his hands....

What is he doing while you are working? Why are you checking up on him? Sure it could be the situation, it could be medical, but generally speaking as a former 19 year old male, he should be wanting it at least twice a day- he should be grabbing you when you come in to check on him.

So....something is going on in my opinion. What are you two doing the rest of the week when you aren't having sex or working? Do you spend any time naked in bed together? Is he interested in sex in general? Is he ever making advances to you?

Try talking to him some more- we guys can be a generally unhelpful bunch when explaining our issues. I think, barring a medical issue, that he is upset about something(not the getting soft part- he got soft for some reason).