[pickemtay]

On my last thread I talked about my need for sex from my husband constantly. I need some advice on how to tell my husband that I have been masterbating 2 to 3 times a day.

Over the years we have had many conversations about my feelings that if he is gonna masturbate that I want him to do it with me and or on me or that we have sex instead of him wasting the sperm that I love so much. He has always been cool with that idea. And I think that my feelings of not wanting him to do it alone comes from a past experience. Just a quick background on that.... I was at my grandmas funeral across the country and devastated. I called him over and over and couldn't get him on the phone, for that much needed support. anyways when I got back from the funeral, he confessed that he had bought a porno magazine and masterbated a lot while I was gone. Here I was going through a crisis ad he is getting his rocks off!

We have always enjoyed porno movies together because neither of us is really paying attention to the movie because we are into eachother. But the idea of him masterbatig alone with a movie or magazine is not ok with me.

Now that i have confessed the double standard, I can honestly say that when I am masturbating my thoughts are of what he is doing to me, not other men. I am on sex craving overload and feel that even though we make love 3 to 5 times week, I need more. So that is why I have been masturbating in secret. Please give me your feedback because I am feelig guilty. Thanks!

[SFDad]

Just one man's opinion:
a) you have nothing to confess to your husband- you masturbating 2-3 times a day is nothing to be ashamed of or confessed to.
b) you really shouldn't be offended by your husband masturbation either. As long as its not a habit that replaces his attention to you, what he does in private with himself is not something he should have to defend.
c) I understand why you felt hurt about his masturbating while you were gone and suffering...but really think about it. I think you are mad he wasn't availible to you when you needed him, not about the masturbating. I think you need to rethink that part. He did nothing wrong, other than not be availible, and that happens to everyone.

[ItsASecret]

It's a natural thing to masturbate and you shouldn't feel guilty but I think the double standard is common amongst women. I think you should bring up the subject with your husband and let him know that you do feel guilty and you need his input. Personally I can relate to not liking that my man gets off to some trashy magazine or online video more often than I thought he would but I tend to complain a lot about porn so he wouldn't like me bringing it up.

[pickemtay]

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about tha masterbation but I love him s much and it kills me to lie to him when we are just talking and we question each other about weather either of us has done it alone. If he finds out that I have been lying to him he'll be mad. And knowing my husband he will hold it against me and use that as an excuse to masterbate constantly.

[blondie80]

I think this may be a double standard to a degree you might feel like you are missing out on something if he is doing this alone or while you aren't there i think alot of women are like that, question why do you feel guilty that you masturbate? If you have a higher sex drive and you are fulfilling this yourself then it shouldn't be a problem or something you feel guilty over, at least you are doing it yourself! Also the same with your partner think of it like that he is doing it himself, whilst yes you maybe missing out on something men are visual, they often use porn or things like that because thats more of what turns them on where as women aren't so much like that a good thought or fantasy going on in your head can often start the spark lol.
Maybe you just need to learn to compramise I wouldn't worry so much about telling him, it may not do a great deal of help to tell him either thats the way i see it. He may actually see it as he is letting you down because you are masturbating all the time without him or that he cant live up to it, its normal to want to masturbate and if it helps to relieve your stress and your problems then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone!

[pickemtay]

I think the idea of him having fantasies about the women in the porn is a huge anxiety for me. If he needs a visual then I feel like he better be looking at his wife. Especially if he is too tired to get oral sex or a handjob or have intercourse.... then why would he have energy to masterbate?

[M&Ms]

Boy I would sure tell him....but for (probably) the wrong reasons. You say you're masturbating because he's not having sex with you? I had a similar experience with my boyfriend and I made it clear that it was necessary for me to start masturbating because I wasn't getting enough from him.

If you think your boyfriend is at all sensitive with the issue of you masturbating...well...perhaps telling him could solve the larger issue.

But maybe I'm just being the Devil's advocate here....

[Steph33]

With you and/or on you sounds like a solution if he can only get off as much (at times) doing it himself.

I make my BF do it a couple times a week, just love watching him stare at me while he does, though I push him by posing and talking (a LOT).

When he gets off that way I get to actually see him release and never fail to be impressed with what he produces just from being hard over me. And that yell/moan at the end is all mine.

[Haven]

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about tha masterbation but I love him s much and it kills me to lie to him when we are just talking and we question each other about weather either of us has done it alone. If he finds out that I have been lying to him he'll be mad. And knowing my husband he will hold it against me and use that as an excuse to masterbate constantly.

It's not the masturbation you should feel guilty about, but the hypocritical double standard you've been holding him to! I mean... you drop the hammer on him for being honest about masturbating, then go off, do it yourself, look him in the eye, and lie to him about it https://www.womens-health.com/boards...s/confused.gif

I think you'd both be happier if you let him know that you've been too hard on him and give him permission to masturbate as long as he can keep you satisfied. Coming clean about doing it on the side is probably not a good idea because not bringing it up lets you avoid a potentially messy scene where he might get mad and hold it against you. If it comes up on its own, though, you should break the cycle of lies by telling him the truth and apologizing for being so hard on him.

I think the idea of him having fantasies about the women in the porn is a huge anxiety for me. If he needs a visual then I feel like he better be looking at his wife. Especially if he is too tired to get oral sex or a handjob or have intercourse.... then why would he have energy to masterbate?

If he's too tired for these things then he's too tired to appreciate you for doing them. You're better off having good sex when you have sex and not making him involve you when all he wants is a fire-and-forget orgasm.

[Sash]

Oh my word... i feel better now that i dont feel so alone out here in my frustration... but my husband is happy for me to go masturbate.... and i have to or i can't sleep .. I just wish he would rather come to me for a quicky than masturbate because i am in desperate need of more love making, sex... and intimate sensual time.. if i could get it 2 times a day it might help not 5 times a month if im lucky..