[Margalot]

I've met plenty of men who were either pro no-sex-before-marriage or very willing to respect a woman's choice not to have premarital sex. I guess it can greatly depend on what circles you're in. In fact, I know a lot of couples who did wait, so it's not as rare as you might think. I don't believe in premarital sex, and I've only ever had one guy I was with object to it. If it really means a lot to you, I would avoid men who want to have sex before marriage. It's a big issue and can cause a lot of conflict if you have differing ideas.

[classy_lady]

In which circles did you meet these men/couples (willing to wait and respect)?

[Margalot]

A lot of the men I know like that are christian who have religious reasons for not wanting premarital sex, but there are a lot who aren't religious, too. When I stop and think about it, it's always a mixed bag. It's probably best to just try to seek out men with truly good character, and as you get to know them better, find out for yourself before pursuing a dating relationship. Almost all the men I found who were willing to wait were from the art college I graduated from, so I feel like even that was a particular type of crowd. I'm sorry if there isn't a clear direction I can point towards.

[classy_lady]

Thanks for sharing and please don't apologize (no need ;-). It would help me though if you were a bit more descriptive/specific as to how you consider seeking men with good character.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Men with good character want to have sex before marriage.

Good character and religion is mutually exclusive.

[rcoreyus]

Anon: be nice.

I think people are welcome to their beliefs, but I also think waiting for marriage to have sex is a very bad idea. Look at all the threads here about couples who are incompatible in bed - all the unhappy people. You can't avoid all marriage problems by having sex first, but you can find out if you are simply not compatible.

[feelmyfury]

a woman a whole lot older than me told me a few years ago-

"it would be nice if you got married to someone who you were sexually compatible with but unfortunately- I know too many women who suffer in bed with their husbands- and that's it for life for them. you should sleep with him a few times and think of whether or not he's for you. love, respect, and sex are very important. make sure all three are there before you jump the gun."

i totally respect the woman who told me this. her years and wisdom gave me this advice.

[SinisterUrge]

Lets all take a moment to lament the "waiters" who on their wedding night found-out their soul mates had sexual tastes that just make your skin go clammy: bi, scat, foot fetishism, S&M, puppy play, vampirism, crossdressing. All fine if you happen to also enjoy them, stomach-churning if you don't.

So while I understand the "perfect ideal" of abstinence, this is not (nor has it ever been) a perfect world. A lifetime of sexual frustration (for everyone involved) has never been the cornerstone of happiness.

[SinisterUrge]

Good character and religion are NOT mutually exclusive.

Fixed it for ya

[sarahlee20]

i dont understand the wait until marriage idea. sex is something there is a limited supply of, and if you love each other isnt it just reinforcing that love. sex with someone you care about is so beautiful, tender and wonderful whether it leads to marriage or even heartache why wait?

I agree with you 100%. Before I met my fiance I wanted to wait until marriage too. I had many bfs before trying to push the issue.sometimes would lead to fighting over it,one actually left town because of it too. Just goes to show they weren't meant for me. Until I met my fiance. I wanted to wait at first.To make sure he felt love for me rather than just sexual feelings. Also was being that I was extremely nervous. It turned out we/he wanted to both more out of love for each other rather than sexual need to. We talked about it a lot and after a few serious talks.When we decided it was right for us. Since then I've never ever wondered or questioned it. It just felt like the right time, place and person. It was the best desion i ever made for myself and my relationship with my partner. Now almost two years later it is still beautiful and special and the best feeling in the world. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I want him to be the only one for the rest of my life. He also has said the same. Which goes to show you if your with the right person you just know. I think your body knows too.